There was once a time when people worshiped gods, which was quickly followed by the worship of human beings. These human beings would have to perform insane acts to become famous, acts that highlighted their courage, strength or mental capacity. We wish we still lived in that world, because now we worship people who, for all intents and purposes, have actually achieved nothing in their life.
A lot of people get really defensive about socialite characters like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton as if they're protecting someone who has spent their entire lives in poverty, rather than a couple of people who have been handed literally every advantage that you could possibly think of. They've somehow managed to get people on their side, while turning the hate in their favor, using it to make themselves seem more victimized and therefore more famous.
Regardless of what we think, some people hang on their every word, and we think it's time to find out how much people can differentiate between the two. Do you think it'll be easy? Are you the number one Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton fan? Do you think you'll be able to tell who said what? Well, it's time to find out!
"Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything."
We don't know how you feel on this subject, but we reckon that if you're going to throw your hat into the ring of philosophy, for humor or otherwise, you better come with a pretty amazing quote or you're going to come off looking very stupid. Sadly, we as human beings are too ready to try and make ourselves look as smart as possible, even if we know that we're pretty stupid, and this can lead to some cringeworthy quotes.
"Barbie is my role model. She might not do anything, but she looks good doing it."
You couldn't make it up. Here, we have one of them admitting that they do nothing but look good, as if that isn't something they should be lying about for the rest of their lives. Most people, quite rightly, would be ashamed to say something like this without the deepest sense of irony known to man. While you may think we're exaggerating here, you've got to remember that people are actually being influenced by these two, as scary as that is to think about.
"Walmart, do they like, sell walls there?"
Believe it or not, this really isn't the stupidest thing that either of them has ever said! Sure, it's stupid, but at least you can see their train of thought in asking the question when usually we're completely lost as to what they're getting at. However, if there's anything that this quote does prove, it's that they're so separate from the common people that they don't know what something as famous as Walmart is! Pretty disgusting if you ask us.
"Stretchmarks are my biggest fear in life."
It's sad to admit but whoever said this is most likely talking to a lot of people with this quote, on both sides of the gender. Whether you're a pregnant woman or an insecure man, the fear of stretch marks is one that continues to be prevalent in our society. For a lot of people, it's to do with the stigma that comes with not being as thin as physically possible, a fear that is sadly perpetuated by the likes of Paris and Kim.
"When people you don't even know hate you, that's when you know you're the best."
No, that isn't when you know you're the best, that's when you know you're a divisive figure in the public eye. The sad thing is, there's definitely a kernel of interesting thought here, but it's masked by the need to pay herself yet another compliment as if she hasn't already done that enough. The knowledge that no matter what anyone else thinks of you, as long as you're happy with who you are, that's all that matters, is important knowledge!
"I’m an animal activist. Many people say that I’m a hypocrite, because I eat burgers and stuff like that but I won’t wear fur. But I’m not a hypocrite. I just only wear fake fur."
It certainly doesn't make you a hypocrite, but we think you have something to answer for when it comes to being for animal rights but choosing to continue to eat meat. We're not saying you have to stop eating meat, but you must take personal responsibility for what you're doing to those animals and the world around you. If anything, that's the main problem with celebrities like Kim and Paris, that they're not willing to take personality responsibility for any of their actions because they don't have to.
"I had dinner with Obama once, and he just seemed very firm about the change, and that's, like, his motto."
Is anybody else amazed that either of these women managed to have a meal with the President of the United States of America? We know that money is so irrevocably connected to politics now that it's impossible not to rub shoulders with them a little bit, but what is he doing having a meal with them?! What do they have to offer one of the most important men on the planet, who will be remembered for centuries to come? Honestly...
"Well, a bear can juggle and stand on a ball and he's talented, but he's not famous. Do you know what I mean?"
We don't think whoever said this is making the deep point that they think they are. Let's not forget that a bear is taught, cruelly, to do those things by a human being. Paris and Kim are both women who have been handed every single advantage possible, left to do what they can with it, and both of them have ended up with no legacy to their name whatsoever. Actually, that's not true, they can say that they partied hard and looked good.
"I always pee all over my Spanx. It's a disaster. They aren't crotchless enough!"
None of us have ever worn Spanx so we can't tell you whether or not this is an accurate criticism of the product, but we will say that if we owned any form of clothing that it was impossible not to urinate all over, we'd probably be getting rid of that piece of clothing pretty quickly. I know, they make you look slim and everybody wants that, but is it really worth looking slim when you smell like urine all day?
"All you have to do in life is hang out with your friends, party hard and look twice as good as the chick standing next to you."
Once again, there's an interesting vein of truth here that would be interesting to talk about it, if it weren't for the fact that it quickly turns into being better than somebody else. If you're hanging out with your friends and having such a good time, why do you have to worry about looking better than the chick next to you? No matter how you both look, just take comfort in the fact that you're both having a nice time!
"I think if I'm 40 and I don't have any kids and I'm not married, I would have a baby artificially inseminated. I would feel like Mary – like Jesus is my baby."
Whoever said this clearly doesn't have much of a grasp on the story of the immaculate conception, but we'll let it slide for now. I mean, what is there to say about this one? The desire to have a child is a pretty basic one that has followed us throughout much of our evolution, so we can't begrudge her that. It only starts to get weird when you think that artificial insemination turns you into the mother of Christ. What an ego!
"A life without orgasms is like a world without flowers."
A surprisingly poetic quote here. Who knew that either of these women had it in them to say something so insightful, especially when you place it alongside everything else we have in this quiz. Honestly, this is possibly the only thing written here that we agree with wholeheartedly. That being said, it's pretty funny that both of these women have marketed their own sex tape in a cynical attempt to get fame and yet have the audacity to come out with this.
"It wasn't realistic for me to purchase. It only had a one-car garage."
These are the sorts of quotes that we need to start pointing normal Kim and Paris fans to so they can see why we look upon them with so much contempt. There are people suffering to find enough money to eat and these people are going out into the public forum to discuss how they can't buy a house because they have more than one car. I'm sure this is a problem that a lot of people struggle with, but this feels like a brag to me.
"In recent years I'm, like, too cool for duck face. So that doesn't happen."
If you ask us, duck face gets way too much hate. We know it looks slightly stupid, but people really go for it when it comes to the duck face hate! I never realized that people could get so infuriated by the way that people choose to pose when taking a photograph. This hate then, sadly, seems to move onto the person themselves, as if somebody choosing to do duck face deserves any sort of hatred from us. Who really cares?
"I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid."
It's not like we're saying it's stupid not to take your shirt off for money, but if that's the way you gauge intelligence, it either says a lot about your own intelligence or the lifestyle that you've chosen to lead. Also, we like the fact that she is referring to herself as smart now as if she's spent so much of her time in the public eye reading and making sure that she's getting smarter. Neither of these women has been doing that!
"Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara."
Is there actually anyone over the age of five that can get away with wearing a tiara? We get why children like them because children like everything that's shiny, but are there genuinely adults out there who like wearing tiaras just as much? There is a reason it's called Toddlers And Tiaras, not Teens And Tiaras. We would honestly be embarrassed for anyone to find out that we liked the thought of wearing a tiara. That is the kind of thing that you take to the grave.
"I read that I was obsessed with killing raccoons."
Thankfully, this quote is about how ridiculous some of the rumors surrounding celebrities can become, which means neither of these women has enjoyed killing a raccoon, as far as we know anyway. We have to say though, it's hard not to agree with a celebrity struggling with a vicious media that the gossip rags following them are total scum. People argue that it comes with the territory of being famous, but this is just giving an excuse to the lowest of the low if you ask us.
"It annoys me whenever someone says, 'What do you actually do?' All I think is, 'How are you so ignorant that you don't know?' I mean, what an uneducated question."
Honestly, we can't imagine a worse response to somebody asking this question. Don't know about you, but if we're asked what it is we do, we're able to answer them pretty quickly and pretty directly. The only time somebody can't do that is if they're embarrassed by what they do or actually do nothing at all. If anything, this is the question that everybody should be asking people like Kim and Paris, to which they should be able to have an answer as well.
"I would, like, die to be in Twilight."
We don't like to judge people based on the sort of media that they find entertaining, but we have to say that you can tell a lot from someone if they enjoy anything about Twilight, whether it be the films or the books. In a very bitter way, it's nice to know that whoever wanted this never got it, because they've got pretty much everything else they wanted from life. so we're glad that there will always be something they can't get.
"I feel really blessed because I genuinely love the process of getting my hair and makeup done."
We don't really know what to say about this one, to be honest. Sure, it's nice that she enjoys the process of having her hair and makeup done, but does she really have to go as far as describing herself as feeling blessed? Once again, these women have been handed everything in their lives and had to work for nothing. They should feel like every single waking second of their lives is a blessing, whether their hair and makeup are a mess or not.
"I’m not, like, that smart."
Without stating the obvious, there are a lot of people who reckon that Kim and Paris pretend to be stupid as they know this is exactly what will get them attention. We're not sure we believe this. It feels like we're giving them an excuse to act however they want, and no matter what they do, there will always be the concept of irony to fall back on. What do you think? Reckon Kim and Paris are a lot more self-aware than they're letting on?
"A true heiress is never mean to anyone - except a girl who steals your boyfriend."
Are we really going to sit here and pretend that both The Simple Life and Keeping Up With The Kardashians don't include numerous example of these two being mean to other people? If they don't get exactly what they want when they want it, they can end up getting really bratty and making everyone else suffer for it. We won't go as far as to say neither of these women has been wronged, but they act like every little thing is a problem.
"I only just started wearing underwear a month ago, and I never wore underwear until then."
We're alright being proven wrong, but can we just say that there is no way this quote was anything but an attempt to get some attention from the world? It's basic titillation pure and simple. This sort of stuff is shameful really. What self-respecting human being is willing to lie about wearing underwear in the hope of getting some more media attention? I wonder how much money they can thank this quote for. We wouldn't be surprised if it was somewhere in the thousands.
"The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in."
We won't get into the irony in someone famous for being famous describing anyone else as boring because there's just far too much to say, although we will say that we agree with the sentiment. We've only got a relatively short life on this planet, so we should spend the entire thing doing exactly what we want. It's just a shame that these two are more bothered about looking cute than they are, say, going out into the world to help others.
"I just feel like I can't function in the real world with long nails."
Okay, we had to leave the best till last, because we love to hear someone talking about how ridiculous false nails are getting. Is there anybody on this planet who actually likes the feeling of a ridiculously long nail? There is nothing you can do when you've got some crazy nails on! It literally stops you from being able to do anything, no matter how basic or complex it might be. Honestly, eating with these things on looks like it'd be a chore.