Old School Gamers Can Match The Monster To The Game
- by Nicholas Conley
- – on
- in The Geek Corner
There are a lot of common tropes that we recognize from all of our favorite games, particularly the old school ones that we grew up on: strange and bizarre quests, NPCs that repeat themselves, important objects floating over the ground (and glowing!), not to mention levels defined by color-coordinated key cards. Now, these are just a few examples. But without a question, one of the single most recognizable gameplay elements of almost any classic game are the many monsters you get tangled up with.
Some games have you hopping on the heads of reptiles, then kicking them across the screen. Other games have you shooting up swarms of aliens, demons, or robots. But don't mistake these beasts for cannon fodder: when looking back through the lens of nostalgia, these scary, wacky, or weird little monsters are one of the things we remember the most fondly. Games might have advanced a great deal in the last few decades, but let's face it, they just don't make creatures as cool as these ones anymore.
How well do you remember your favorite video game monsters? If you were to look at these animals, hellspawn, and more, do you think your memory is good enough to name the game that they came from? Tell us, Which Old School Video Game Did These Monsters Appear In?
Imp: The flame throwing demon
When the portals of Hell opened up, this guy came spilling out. Human-sized, with brown skin and spikes protruding from its flesh, this creature -- known as an Imp -- is one nasty beast. Even worse, rather than charging at you with the mindless stupidity of some of its demonic brethren, the Imp is a bit stealthier, and prefers to hang back and generate fireballs, which it then flings at you across the distance. Let's not forget its distinctive hiss, which haunted the nightmares of many 90s kids.
Bubbles: Angry flying pyromaniac skulls
Lost Souls aren't the only flying skulls around. There are also these guys, generally known as "Bubbles," though some people call them Whisps, Fire Faeries, or Anti-Faeries. These critters are also engulfed in flames, and fly around on little bat wings attached to the temples of their skulls. What makes them dangerous is that they can leave a curse on anyone they touch, making that person unable to wield a weapon. Not a good curse to have, especially when one is walking around a land of monsters.
Wizzrobes: Those magical wizard dudes
Though they've appeared in many, many games, in many different forms and with many different graphics, you can always recognize a so-called Wizzrobe on sight, due to their distinctive robes, and their tendency to fling magical energy at the protagonist, which you can only black if you have a Magical Shield handy. In addition, Wizzrobes have the confounding ability to teleport across locations. Though all Wizzrobes wear robes, as one might imagine, those robes are sometimes blue, and sometimes orange.
Headcrabs: They eat your face
Ugh, no, now we're getting nightmares. It's hard to get more horrifying than headcrabs, the horrible creatures that are known from climbing onto people, latching their giant mouth onto human faces, and then taking that person over. Headcrabs are parasitic, meaning that anyone they latch onto soon becomes their mindless, zombified slave, driven to kill others around them. Needless to say, the headcrabs are itching to climb onto the protagonist's face as well, and often need to be fended off.
Koopas: Kick that shell!
Everyone remembers these guys, and they might look really cuddly, but let's not forget that they're working for the bad guy. Koopa Troopas, commonly just called Koopas, are turtle-like opponents that patrol their area, going back and forth to check everything out. They're skittish fellas, though. If you jump on top of them, they retract back into their shell and hide away. If you kick their shell, it'll go flying, and can actually be used as a projectile weapon against other opponents... but be careful, lest the shell take you out, as well.
One big gorilla
These days, we all know Donkey Kong as one of Nintendo's greatest heroes, but it definitely wasn't always that way. Actually, that giant gorilla got his start as a villain, in this game, where he captures a damsel in distress named Pauline and carries her to the top of the screen, over a construction site. Now, it's up to you -- as Mario, in the latter's first appearance as well -- to somehow make it to the top of the screen to save her, dodging rolling barrels along the way.
Cacodemons: The floating tomato with teeth
Sure, yeah, they might look like giant tomatoes with sharp teeth and horns, but don't be fooled by their pixellated appearance: Cacodemons are some seriously scary monsters, and those faces -- with that one, bulging green eye -- are creepily expressive. Cacodemons tend to keep some distance from the player; they float through the air, watching, and then spit out balls of energy that do serious damage. They take a lot of damage themselves, and you don't want to get too close, or they'll bite.
Jumbo Cactuar: The cactus man
These opponents live in the desert near Maranda, and are instantly familiar to anyone who's ever seen them. The "Cactuar," as it's usually called, are fast, hard to hit, and wields 1000 to 10,000 needles. As if running into an angry humanoid cactus wasn't enough, there are also the Gigantuar, also known as the "Jumbo Cactuar" -- as seen in the picture here-- and these are the Cactuar bosses, who are bigger, harder, and have that silly little curled mustache.
Mermen: Aquatic castle-dwellers
Who would have ever thought that a haunted castle could be the home to these amphibious nightmares? This fearsome beast, known as a Merman, is half-fish, and half-man, an eerie and sometimes fireball-spitting creature that would give even the fearsome Creature from the Black Lagoon the willies. Mermen will attack opponents who get a little too close to the water, though don't let that give you a false sense of security, because they are pretty comfortable stalking the land as well.
Vortigaunt: They're smarter than you think
These otherworldly creatures, originally known as "Alien Slaves" and later known as the Vortigaunt, are intelligent, telepathic, and social beings... though you wouldn't know it in their first appearance, where they're busy killing any humans in their path, and feeding on the remains. Vortigaunts have a third limb protruding from their chest, a big red eye (with other little red eyes around it), and can wield a dangerous electrical attack, as displayed here in the picture. Be careful around them.
King Koopa: The King of the Turtles
If you thought you knew what you were up against, this guy -- the evil king known as Bowser -- was there to put you in your place. Bowser is known for living in dark and creepy underground castles, filled with smoldering lava. When you reach the end of the castle, he's right there waiting for you, on a bridge over more lava -- and if you want to beat him, you're going to have to get past him somehow, and make him fall right into it.
T-Rex: Tyrant lizard king
What, you thought that the dinosaurs actually died out all those centuries and centuries ago? Pfft, as if. As it turns out, some of those terrible lizards are still crawling around, and the most vicious of them all is the tyrant lizard king itself, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Though it's a bit big and clumsy, the T-Rex is one of the most dangerous enemies in this game, due to long legs, a long stride, and the sheer size of its unbelievably monstrous jaws.
Shamblers: A Lovecraftian nightmare
They might be big and muscular, but these beasts -- known as Shamblers -- are anything but slow: they'll run right up to you and rip your guts out. Possessing a shaggy coat of fur, a face that's all teeth and no eyes, and lots of bloodstains from prior victims, Shambler's are the living incarnation of the monster under the bed. The lack of eyes is due to their dark, humid native environment. But be careful, they don't need eyes to hit you with an electrical attack.
Pinkies: The demons that charge at you headfirst
Like a rampaging bull, these deadly monsters don't beat around the bush: if they want you dead, they come right at you with their sharp horns. Generally called a Pinky Demon due to their skin coloration, though some prefer to call them simply "Demons" or "Pinkies," these memorable foes are stocky, muscular brutes that have no sense of self-preservation. However, while they only engage in melee attacks and don't shoot any projectiles, they run REALLY fast, so if you see one, you better put it down quick.
The Crocomire: Your weapons don't work on it
The Crocomire is a red-skinned, reptilian monstrosity who is resistant to any attacks you throw at it. Even lobbing missiles right into the creature's throat will just make it step back a bit, unnerved, at which point it continues slowly walking back toward you. The only way to stop the Crocomire is to push it back onto a thin bridge over a pool of lava, but you've got to do it fast, before Crocomire pushes YOU back against a wall of spikes.
Ghosts: Spooky Ghouls
Honestly, there's no way you don't recognize the Ghosts. Blinky, Inky, Pinky, and Clyde all have their own special personalities, quirks, and colors, but these ghoulish ghosts are all driven by the same cause: to eat you. The only way to stop them from achieving this is to get a special power-up that makes all of them turn blue, at which point you'll be able to eat them. Don't get too happy, though, because ghosts never really die: they regenerate.
Zerg: The ones that "rush" you
If you've ever heard a friend say the term "Zerg rush!" before, well, these creepy things and their ability to attack an opponent in ridiculously overwhelming numbers are the reason why. This alien race, known as the Zerg, don't use technology, tools, or any of that: they're a hive mind that assimilates the traits of any worthy species that they encounter, pushing toward a future goal of genetic perfection. The aforementioned "Zerg rush" describes the way these aliens can rapidly spawn new units and completely devastate opponents.
Psycho Mantis: The villainous telepath
You have to keep your mind wary when you come around this guy, who is (actually, literally) programmed to read the memory card of your game system and recite back the games you've been wasting your time on. The Psycho Mantis, as he's called, is a powerful psychic who can manipulate people's minds to do his bidding, and make them hallucinate. However, he's not able to easily block out the thoughts of others, which is why he wears the gas mask.
Goombas: Frowning little brown faces
The Goombas are sentient brown mushrooms with a bad, bad attitude. However, don't be too worried, because despite their mean little frown and their sharp little teeth, these bad guys honestly aren't so tough; if you want to take them out of commission, all that you have to do is hop on top of their head, and they're down for the count. While Goombas are easy to defeat, they are definitely one of the most iconic opponents in video game history.
Dr. Proton: The cyborg scientist
The man once known as Dr. Blunderwitz was just a regular scientist, until an unfortunate radiation accident changed his brain chemistry, and transformed him into the villainous cyborg psychopath known as "Dr. Proton." Now, he wants to take over the planet with his army of robots, known as Techbots, while flying around in a rocket-powered hover chair. For most of the game, he communicates to the player through television screens, taunting you about how you will never succeed at stopping him (until you do).
Magma Demons: Devils from the lava
These monsters, known formally as "Dominus Ardor" but more colloquially referred to as Magma Demons, are pack animals that exist in the caverns beneath the Earth, near the lava. These sinister beings will attack you from long distances by flinging globs of lava at you, but don't get close either, because they perform melee attacks with both hands. Supposedly they were spawned by the blood of Mephisto; we don't know about all that, but we do know that you should be on guard if you see them.
G-Man: Who (or what) is this blue-suited man?
Seriously, who is he? What is he? Arguably the most enigmatic character in video game history is the figure we only know as the "G-Man," who presents himself as a middle-aged man in a blue suit, carrying a briefcase, and appearing in the background at mysterious moments--watching, always watching. What is his purpose? What are his motivations? We don't know, but he's an unnerving presence, and we have a deep suspicion that he doesn't have the protagonist's best intentions at heart. Besides, he has an awfully weird voice...
Lickers: The ones with the tongues
Seriously, those flesh eating zombies are bad enough, as is. But what's even worse is this particular breed of zombie, usually referred to as a Licker, which is basically a zombie on steroids: faster, sleeker, more agile. Not to mention that they have that creepy long, prehensile tongue, which is the reason for their nickname. That tongue gives them a bit of a resemblance to a certain popular Spider-Man villain, and if you ask us, they're every bit as creepy.
Hunters: Limbless, but dangerous
With their nonexistent limbs, one big eye, and cartoon guns, the Hunters are fearsome opponents that stalk the beautiful and surrealistic greenery of the Dream Forest. When they shoot at the game's protagonist with their gun -- which happens to have a little eye on the end of it -- a bullet spirals out, and these bullets come for you, they open up at the top releasing a robotic hand wielding a giant hammer. Not many games would depict a foe this weird, which is why the Hunters appeared in...
Bullet with your name on it
Nobody likes having a bullet fired at their face. Particularly when the bullet is so huge. But somehow, it's even worse when that bullet has a cute little "evil" face on it, and the bullet happens to go by the name "Bullet Bill." These guys are shot out of Bill Blasters, and despite their name and appearance, are more like heat seeking homing missiles, tracking down the protagonist in their attempt to end his life. If one of these guys is coming for you, take cover.
Protoss: The Firstborn
These powerful psionic aliens are known as the Protoss, and they come from the planet Aiur. They are an ancient species, so ancient that they consider themselves to be the "Firstborn" beings of the Milky Way galaxy. The Protoss are humanoid, but about 9 nine feet tall, capable of surviving in all manner of harsh climates and conditions, and have sharp claws if they are attacked. They derive sustenance from light, and have incredibly sensitive skin that absorbs water in lieu of a mouth.
Strogg: You will be assimilated
Every species that has ever encountered the alien menace known as the Strogg has lived to regret it. These cyborg monstrosities are fusions of flesh and machinery; anytime they encounter another world, they fuse that planet's denizens with their technology and make themselves into a stronger and more powerful force. Despite Earth's best efforts to fend the Strogg off, the Earthlings have been embroiled in a violent war against these monsters for many years, with no conceivable end in sight.
The invaders
You know how it goes. The entire Earth is in danger, due to an incoming invasion by his horrifying array of Space Invaders. There are at least five rows of them coming down to the planet at once, in a few different shapes and sizes. They're descending slowly, but surely, and the only hope for our entire species is one person -- you -- and a little laser canon that you happen to be wielding at the bottom of the screen.
Wolves, just wolves
No, they aren't werewolves. No, they aren't direwolves, either. These are actually just regular old wolves, which can be deadly enough when they attack you in a pack. These wolves appear in the Coastal Forest, and though they tend to pounce out of nowhere, a trained eye can spot their arrival and knock them out with one good shot. However, they move quickly, and they like to keep moving, so you have to get them fast before they get you.
The hand that bites you
This game definitely used a few one liners from a cult hit movie series, and it also used a popular monster as well: this disembodied and possessed human hand, often called the "Choking Hand," that crawls around on its fingertips and tries to kill you. The Hand's signature name is due to its really obnoxious tendency of leaping from out of nowhere and grabbing you by the throat, at which point you have to desperately try to fight it off.
Robo-Hitler
Nazis are a fairly common stock opponent in many video games, but this might be the only one where the game's big boss is not just Hitler himself, but Hitler wearing a giant mechanical suit and wielding chain guns. Make sure you have a lot of ammo before entering this room. Though taking down Robo-Hitler's armor will definitely make you break a sweat, and then taking down regular Hitler is also a challenge, at the end of the game Hitler will die, and the player is successful.
Queen Slug-For-a-Butt
The final boss of this game is the Evil Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug-for-a-Butt -- though she's usually just called Queen Slug-for-a-Butt, which is a relief. One glance, and it's easy to see where her name comes from. She is the mother and ruler of the Insectoids, monarch of the planet Insectika, and she wields a powerful scepter. Her end goal is to rule over the entire universe itself, and you are the only one that can stop her.
Goatman Archers: The archer from hell
Keep an eye out for these monsters, the Goatman Archers, who attack from a distance, before you can even see them coming. They'll fire arrows at you from far away, knocking your health down before you can get close enough to swipe a sword. Your best bet at dealing with the Goatman Archer is to hide around corners, get out of their line of sight, and force them to come for you, so you can take them out without having to contend with their arrows.
AM: I think, therefore I...
The human race has been wiped off the face of the planet, and the source of this extinction is their greatest creation: AM, the Allied Mastercomputer, a godlike computer that has gone completely insane with rage, jealousy, and hatred. Out of its own calculated cruelty, AM has spared only five humans -- five people who it delights in torturing, forcing them to relive their greatest sources of pain. This megalomaniacal supercomputer is all-too-human in its personality flaws, but there might be no way to take it down...
Robo-pirates: These pirates are metal
Regular pirates are scary enough, but this game features an army of steel Robo-Pirates, robotic villains complete with a hook, an eye-patch, and an arm that fires bullets. The Robo-Pirates journey across the universe, sailing the stars in their efforts to spread chaos, death, and destruction. These fiendish beings are led by their vicious leader Admiral Razorbeard, and they have a dark legacy of having obliterated over 100 planets so far, reducing all of the inhabitants of these worlds to being their slaves.
Oh no, here come the flying skulls
Lost Souls don't hang about on their own. When these flying, flaming skulls come at you, soaring through the air with a demonic hiss, they come at you in groups. They're aggressive little beasts, and while they aren't the hardest to kill, they do have some nifty tricks up their bodiless sleeves, such as being able to dodge a lobbed rocket. The place these critters come from is nowhere we'd ever want to be, unless we have a loaded shotgun ready.
Pig Cops: Makin' Bacon
Who doesn't remember the sound of that vicious squeal? Pig Cops are easily one of the most memorable game monsters of all time. They are filthy, selfish, violent creatures that now rule their city with an iron fist. Pig Cops are the result of some freaky science that transformed all of the Los Angeles Police Department into mutant pigs, and now, their isn't a trace of humanity to be found... though there sort of is, actually, since the player does occasionally see the Pig Cops engaging in curiously human activities.
Hybrids: The most unnerving zombies of them all
What happens when a little alien annelid squirrels away into the host body of a human being? Well, the worm hijacks that person's nervous system, turning them into a slave. But what makes these zombies the creepiest is that the human being maintains awareness while they are enslaved by the worm, even though they can't resist; as these monsters, called "Hybrids," approach you, their body will try to kill you, while they themselves beg you to put them out of their misery.
LeChuck: Ghost, zombie, flaming demon...
What, you thought we were done with pirates? No way, not before we reach the ultimate video game pirate of all-time: the undead, unstoppable, and unbreakable LeChuck. This horrible fiend began as the deadliest pirate in the world, and over the course of the games, he became deadlier: first, after his death, he resurrected as a ghost. Then, he came back as a rotting, green-skinned zombie. Then, he came back as a fiery demon, complete with a flaming beard. And he came back...
Teeth: A headfull of teeth
Hey, Shambler's aren't the only creatures around with an entire face made of teeth. Sometimes called a "frog," sometimes called a "Morton," but usually known by the more recognizable name of "Teeth," these monsters are driven by the scent of your blood. In this tile-based game, they only move at the same time as your protagonist does, but don't get cozy: every move that the Teeth make will bring them one step closer to you, and they don't get distracted.
Henchmen: They're looking for the mask...
It's difficult enough trying to make your way through a dark medieval landscape where everyone you know has been turned to stone, digging up tiny pieces of some magical mask. But then, every time you finally find a piece of the mask, these guys -- known as "Henchman" -- appear, and try to kill you. As if it wasn't bad enough to face these guys as bosses, in the last area of the game, they become your normal opponents, so hopefully by that time you've figured out how to take them down.
Yeti: He always wins
The award for most unstoppable beast in computer game history goes to this fearsome monster, the Yeti, who always, always wins. No matter what you do, no matter what your dreams may be or how hard you might try, the Yeti will always catch you, and eat you for lunch, then dance around about it like a jerk. Sure, sometimes, if you try REALLY hard to might zoom past him, but don't be fooled: he'll just come back around again later, and then he'll win. Sorry.
Wyverns: Watch that tail
Wyverns may not be as monstrously huge as their close cousin, the dragon, but they're still a lethal foe to run into when you're hiking across the Forest of Mordavia. Their most dangerous ability is the venomous stinger at the end of their tail; if they manage to stab the protagonist, even if you win the battle, you'll immediately have to go running back to the village for a poison antidote. For this reason it's sometimes better to just run away from a Wyvern fight; besides, they don't carry any gold.
Symbiotes: Slimy purple beasts
These gooey purple monstrosities are the Symbiotes, originally from another planet but now grown on Earth; their invasion is due to the machinations of a certain evil mad scientist who wants to use them to take over the entire city. While they aren't the toughest enemies around, they're tough anymore, and they've definitely got the numbers on you. If you want to stop them from overwhelming your home, you are going to have to cut them off at the source.
Poison Slugs: Don't touch them
Awaiting you in the Shadowlands of the planet Gnosticus IV are these venomous creatures, the Poison Slugs. They are about the size of a human child, move incredibly slowly, and are knocked out of commission by one shot, but be careful; they leave a poisonous trail in their wake, and while the puddles evaporate pretty quickly, touching this poison will instantly kill a mere Earthling. There's some suspicion that the Poison Slugs may be more advanced than they let on, due to the giant King Slug statue they've erected underground.
Sludge Vohaul: The outer space dictator
Sludge Vohaul is an evil overlord who prowls through the galaxies inflicting his tyrannical rule, leading such dangerous foes as the Sariens, the Sequel Police, and the Apemen. He's actually a clone, and has conducted numerous experiments on himself, causing his strange appearance. Vohaul tends to have some pretty murky and horrifying evil plots, such as his plan to release a swarm of door-to-door salesman across an entire planet. He's also proven incredibly difficult to kill, thanks to such crafty solutions as saving his consciousness on a floppy disk.
The most infuriating feline in the universe
We might keep cats as pets, but deep down, we know all about what vicious predators they really are: they don''t just hunt mice, they play with them, then disembowel them into pieces. So, can you blame this little mice protagonist for trying to escape, by pushing blocks around? The only way to survive against a cat is to trap it within blocks so that it can't reach you. However, as the levels go on, more and more cats start to appear...
"It's down to you and me, you one-eyed freak!"
The big boss of Shrapnel City, the overlord of the alien invasion that has consumed the Earth, and a giant one-eyed monstrosity, the Cycloid Emperor is the final opponent of the game. Your showdown against him takes place in a football stadium, and you better have some seriously heavy artillery ready, because the only way you can hope to take this bad guy down is lobbing lots and lots of rockets in his general direction. If you win, though, you'll get to kick his one big red eye to victory.
Dopefish: Big, green, and goofy
Deep beneath the seas, lingers a giant green bastion of stupidity known as the Dopefish. Supposedly, the creature's thought pattern follows the repetitive rhythm of "swim swim hungry, swim swim hungry," which means that he tends to gobble up any adventurers unlucky enough to find him. After his first appearance, the Dopefish became the biggest Easter Egg in the entire video game industry, making cameo appearances in dozens of different games. However, his first appearance was in a little game named...
Red Tail: The dog pirate
In this anthropomorphic world, the archenemy of the main character is this canine pirate captain named Red Tail, who commands a fearsome array of pirates. In addition to Captain Red Tail's standard pirate skills at shooting firearms and throwing deadly knives, he also has the special ability to "summon the wind" -- which, yes, does in fact mean that he actually uses the power of the wind against you -- a talent that makes things particularly difficult for the game's protagonist.