Which Griffin Are You? Let's Hope It's Not Meg
- by Lucas Wesley
- – on
- in Movies and TV
Have you ever been in conversation with a friend, made a reference to a movie or event in history that may or may not have actually happened, and then acted it out in elaborate flashbacks? Well, probably not, but you’ve probably seen this happen a hundred times or more on Family Guy, and chances are it always made you laugh hysterically. That said, while cutaways and flashbacks make up the bulk of Family Guy’s humor, the referential style wouldn’t be possible without a few strong characters grounding the show between gags.
This is where the Griffin’s come in. Despite their show’s title and theme song attempting to present the Griffins, and patriarch Peter especially, as an average, loving, all-American family, from day one, the reality of Family Guy has been pretty much the exact opposite. Peter is boorish, loud, and offensive, and the rest of his family have become quite abrasive in their own rights to put up with his attitude.
Of course, it’s all gravy to the audience, as these negative characters traits only serve to make the show funnier when viewers are given a glimpse into the Griffin’s daily lives. Few people in the real world talk about movies as much as they do, and most of us prefer to live in the present rather than constantly reminding one another about past events, but we just might find a few similarities between the actual characters and ourselves on Family Guy. Keep reading to take our quiz and find out which member of the Griffin family you are.
Do you love your family?
It seems today that all you see is violence in movies or sex on TV. Luckily there’s a Family Guy out there, the one man who positively can do all the things that make us laugh and cry. Well, part two of Peter Griffin’s theme song might be reasonably accurate, but the title of his program has never exactly rang true. In reality, Peter is anything but a traditional family guy, having almost no interest in his relatives whatsoever. Are you the same way?
What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?
With Family Guy’s writing staff always willing to dig into a stereotype for laughs, that the Griffins were ancestrally Irish essentially predestined them all for lives of alcoholism. The kids might not quite be there yet, but Peter, Lois, and even Brian could definitely be labeled functioning alcoholics, and that first word might be a stretch. Ideally, you don’t drink as much as they do, but if you do imbibe once in a while, pick your poison.
Do you consider yourself intelligent?
Let’s face it, folks—Peter Griffin isn’t funny because of his biting wit. Sure, he might fire off a solid insult now and again, but the man’s a total airhead when it comes to anything you can’t learn by watching movies. The way things have been going the last 17 years, there’s a good chance his son Chris will turn out even worse. Despite this, the rest of the Griffins seem reasonably smart most of the time, a fact only in part made true by comparison.
What’s the most important thing in your life?
Even an alcoholic who only cares about cracking jokes, like Peter Griffin, needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Obviously, it isn’t his family, who he basically doesn’t care about. Matching their father’s examples, the Griffin children probably feel the same way, counting down the years they can escape the others rather than considering them an important part of life. Maybe you actually care about your family, but aside from them, what do you care about the most?
Which group did you belong to in high school?
Image is at once everything and nothing to the Griffins, as their constant cutaways have the family changing outfits, styles, and appearances multiple times an episode without putting much thought into it. This is somewhat surprising, as Peter Griffin is a man who puts a great deal of stock in the concept of cool, which must make him furious knowing his kids are considered weird losers by their peers. We hope not, but were you the same way?
What is your favorite non-Family Guy cartoon?
In the beginning, certain critics cast Family Guy aside for its similarities to other popular cartoons that were filling the airwaves at the time. Now that the show is gradually approaching its sixteenth season of highly original content, Family Guy has clearly established it’s own place in history, far above this status as a pale imitation. That said, the influences were still there from the start, so which of these other shows do you like the most?
Which of the Griffin’s friends is your favorite?
Although the Griffin family are the highest profile and most regularly featured characters on Family Guy, there’s a good chance fans of the show wouldn’t consider any of them to be a “favorite.” This is because the town of Quahog, Rhode Island is similar to Springfield or Pawnee in that it has countless bizarre residents, all with hilarious quirks that occasionally make them far more popular than any main cast member. Which of these Family Guy side characters makes you laugh the most?
What are you most afraid of?
Perhaps because he’s drunk most of the time, Peter Griffin can be a very emotionally unstable individual. For the time being, we’re referring to his penchant towards misreading every day situations in a way that causes him great fear, like screaming “I need an adult!” when a stranger calls him handsome. Most of us are more level headed than this, yet there are a few things in life it’s totally natural to worry about. What gets to you the most?
Do you hate any of the Griffins?
Another reason fans of Family Guy tend to appreciate the side characters more than the Griffin family themselves is that, well, the Griffin family is kinda horrible. Sure, they’re all hilarious in their own ways, but as actual human beings, every last one of them has done some pretty inexcusable things. Not to mention, Meg totally sucks. Her own family knows it and tells her all the time. Still, we don’t hate any of the Griffins…do you?
Are you an avid reader?
If Peter Griffin had the chance to take this quiz, we have no doubt he’d do so with glee, hoping to all things holy he gets to be Lois. And then, instead of taking the quiz, they’d cue the cutaway where Peter, as Lois, makes out with Lois, as Peter. Point is, he wouldn’t actually get that far into things, but not for lack of interest. Instead, there’s the issue that Peter isn’t much of a “reader,” preferring moving pictures to words. Are you the same way?
What kind of job do you have?
With how much time Peter Griffin spends on bizarre adventurous and rampant daydreaming, it’s easy to forget he’s somehow kept a job at the Pawtucket Brewery throughout most of Family Guy’s run. As such, he’s been the only member of the Griffin family to hold a steady job, and there have also been countless odd jobs along the way.
What kind of super powers would you want?
These days, it feels like Family Guy tries some sort of giant, episode long experiment at least once per season. In the beginning, the idea was a bit more rare, but the results were nonetheless just as bizarre. For instance, way back in season three, some fake fan suggestions lead to a non-canonical episode where the Griffins all developed superpowers. If you were so lucky, what abilities would you hope you gained?
How is your romantic life?
Though he has almost no redeeming values as a human, Peter Griffin somehow earned the undying love of his wife, Lois, who continues to stand by him despite all his faults and horrible behavior. The Griffin’s marriage is in many respects the sole stable aspect of their life as a family. Unfortunately, though, it hasn’t quite rubbed off on their kids, who aren’t so lucky in love. Are you?
Are you violent and aggressive?
Another Irish stereotype the writers of Family Guy decided to have Peter Griffin dive head first into is a violent temper with a hair trigger. While Griffin’s wrath is rarely incurred, when he develops a vendetta, it’s bound to last forever. Just ask chickens who give out bad coupons for details on what we mean.
Which of the following TV shows was canceled too soon?
Family Guy has been on the air for fifteen seasons, and a sixteenth has already been confirmed, which in and of itself is an incredible feat for any television show to achieve. That said, the show was actually canceled and taken off the air completely after only three seasons, and it was only due to extremely high DVD sales that Fox reversed that decision two years later.
Are you religious?
One last Irish stereotype the Family Guy writers decided to bestow upon the Griffins is a strong Catholic upbringing. Well, insofar as Peter Griffin is capable of understanding religion anyway, as his aversion to reading probably means he never actually read, let alone comprehended, the Bible, or any other holy text. Lois is a little bit better off, but since she’s a Protestant, this is basically a path straight to hell as far as Peter’s father is concerned. Where on the scale do you fall?
How do you apologize for your mistakes?
Were Family Guy anything similar to the real world, most episodes would ultimately amount to Peter Griffin walking around Quahog and apologizing to every single person he’s interacted with for one reason or another. That, or he’d get run out of the town for being such a brash loudmouth all the time. Hopefully, his family would convince him making amends was for the better. Wouldn’t you agree?
What would you buy during a spending spree?
On more than one occasion, it’s been made abundantly clear that the Griffins somehow have an absolutely bottomless wallet. Somehow, he just has all the money in the world, to spend on weird fun like Petercopters and breakfast machines that just shoot him. Assuming you’d buy something more practical, what would it be?
How would your family describe you?
This quiz has already covered the fact Peter Griffin doesn’t much care about his family, and that they in turn aren’t entirely fond of him most of the time. However, there are the occasional moments of family togetherness, where the Griffins bond over jokes and pop culture, just like most real people do these days. Were they to focus on your positive qualities, what would your family say about you?
Who is your favorite Star Wars character?
Of all the many, many parodies Family Guy has created over the years, arguably their highest profile and most popular spoofs have been the episode long Griffin versions of the original Star Wars trilogy. “Blue Harvest,” “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side,” and “It’s a Trap” were master classes on what the art of parody is all about.
What’s your favorite genre of film?
Basing the vast majority of its humor on referencing other works of pop culture, it should go without saying that the writers of Family Guy are all pretty huge movie fans. In addition to Star Wars, they’ve made jokes about far more films than this quiz would ever possibly have time to mention, and it would only be a slight exaggeration to guess they’ve literally seen them all. The rest of us have limited time on our hands, so what type of cinema do you go for?
Where would you spend most of your time?
Strangely, though the Griffin family are usually complaining about how little they like one another, they also spend a great deal of time in their house on Spooner Street trapped with the others. Except, of course, when traveling all around the world in exotic cutaways and the occasional episode long musical adventure. Most people would run away from Peter Griffin after the first fart. To where would you make your escape?
Do you like animals?
For all the animosity the Griffins spout at each other, the one member of the group everyone seems to generally like is, surprisingly, their dog, Brian. Unfortunately, these feelings aren’t always reciprocated, due to Brian’s perceived intellectual superiority to those around him, but it says a lot about the human condition that even the irascible Griffins can’t resist the allure of a cute doggy. Can you?
What kind of music do you like the most?
Amongst the many side jobs Peter Griffin has held while away from Pawtucket Brewery, he and Lois once formed a band called Handful of Peter to moderate success. Well, in their own minds anyway, as the truth is they were too high on every drug known to man to realize how awful they were. This wasn’t the Griffins only musical endeavor, either, as Peter has belted out a great number of tunes over the years, as have Brian, Stewie, and the rest of the family when the time was right. What sort of songs would you sing?
Have you ever been arrested?
Given how many ridiculous schemes Peter Griffin has attempted, plus the fact they all went terribly wrong, one might expect him to go to jail for life. It nearly happened once or twice, and not even the Kool Aid man bursting through the courthouse wall could break the tension when it did. By hook or by crook, however, Peter always got out of it, perhaps due to his cop neighbor Joe greasing the wheels down at the station. Does this behavior match your own life?
