Which Classic Transformer Are You?

The Transformers have always had a giant roster, so they could sell more toys tell epic stories (we were right the first time) but still managed, over the course of its 30-year lifespan and billion-dollar making film franchise, to develop characters that fans not only love, but have become icons around the world. And who didn’t want to be a Transformer when they were a kid? You would be a giant robot and an ancient alien all at once. You could shoot laser beams and become a car or a plane or a spaceship, or anything else for that matter.

But who would you be? There are so many toys characters to choose from. A badass but ultimately expendable member of the Wreckers? A true maniac like Sixshot? Or maybe you’ll hit the motherlode and get Optimus Prime. It would be like finding out you’re immortal, because, look, he might die a lot, but he always comes back before sales get rotten.

Or maybe things will get really dark. Maybe you’re a Decepticon. Soundwave. Starscream. Of course, there’s always the possibility that you aren’t as cool as you thought. What if you end up as Seaspray, Wheelie or Ratbat. Well, knowing is half the battle. So, take this quiz and find out which Transformers character you would be.

Question 1

What word best describes you?

In the early days of the Transformers comic book, Bob Budiansky was tasked with creating character profiles for these toys so they could carry their own story. Given the sheer size of the cast, he had very little time to develop them beforehand. Their descriptions were bare bones. Usually, little more than a sentence. We’ve decided to honor that tradition.

Question 2

What’s your favorite color?

Color matters in the Transformers universe. There is a strange kind of color scheme that both sides usually comply with—except for that Shattered Glass series. Did you ever read that one? Where the Autobots are evil and the Decepticons are good. It’s like the mirror universe from Star Trek. God, it’s so damn silly. Some pretty decent redesigns though.

Question 3

Which team do you most identify with?

The Transformers Autobot symbol

Sure, the Autobots are the good guys, but the Decepticons are really cool. And most of them can fly. Which is even cooler. But to each their own. Which side would you prefer to end up on. No, this isn’t a trick question. Those come later in the quiz. Or do they?

Question 4

What’s your favorite movie?

Thundercracker-Transformers

You know who turned out to be a great character? Thundercracker. You know what isn’t an effective way to use him? Keeping him on Earth as an aspiring screenwriter. Regardless, the Transformers have a long, storied and often unpleasant history with film. Given that the characters themselves are extensively exposed to Earth culture, we’re sure they’d pick up a few things as time goes on.

Question 5

Pick your favorite Transformer

Fandom can be a strange thing, especially in the factionalized world of the Transformers. Personally, we like the Decepticons, but we still have an abiding love for Optimus Prime. Many fans have overlapping loyalties between character and faction, so let’s play around with that.

Question 6

How do you deal with problems?

drunk

Hey, we all handle stress differently. Some of us take things in stride, others punch a hole in the wall. Sometimes it’s just a matter of degrees. You could take things so calmly people think you’re unfeeling and inhuman or you can get so worked up, others would wish all you did was dent the plaster. Admittedly, this is Transformers, so no matter what things will end up in gunfire.

Question 7

Are you loyal?

Look, you know where this question is leading. It’s all about Starscream and the Decepticons. But there are some Autobots that have proven disloyal and a few Decepticons who are steady, true believers in the cause and their leader. It’s a complicated world. When written correctly. And when not directed by Michael Bay.

Question 8

Are you a “big government” person or a “small government” person?

Transformers history is riddled with (often tedious) political stories that detail the multiple civil wars that have plagued Cybertron for tens of millions of years. While all the stories have some threads about political corruption, there are also themes of big and small governments and which characters would support one over the other. Yes, this is one of the questions where we’re messing with you.

Question 9

Pick your least favorite Transformer

Springer-from-Transformers-Autobot

When you have a cast that spans eons and universes, chances are you’ll get a few classic characters and many, many duds. We could just go the easy route and name some characters that are obviously hated, but no, let’s make it more interesting. Let’s use some characters you might actually like (your mileage may vary, course; Transformers has many characters).

Question 10

What do you think of the human characters in Transformers lore?

Chip Chase Transformers

So, you’re pitching the Transformers to your friend who isn’t a fan. You have giant robot aliens who can turn into vehicles. Their war has spanned millions of years and untold planets have fallen as collateral damage in their mad dash for dwindling resources. The tide of the war changes when tiny humans get involved. Somehow this gives the Autobots an advantage.

Question 11

How would you win a battle?

The Transformers have waged war in all forms. Each character has a contribution to make based on their skills (there’s even Nightbeat, who is a noir detective—yeah, it’s hard to get your head around that one). High ranking soldiers from both factions have their preferences ranging between subtle and genocidal. What’s yours?

Question 12

Are you capable of making “hard decisions”?

Fortress-Maximus-Transformers-Generation-1

No, no, this has nothing to do with Cialis. In war, people die. It’s something I read once in a book. The point is, Autobots and Decepticons have committed atrocities in order to achieve their goals. Rather than take into account the goals (but we will later), let’s look at the actions. Use of chemical weapons. Torture. Use of WMD. If you had to “push the button,” how would you respond?

Question 13

How would you describe the Autobots?

The Transformers Autobot symbol

They’re the protagonists of the series. They love bright colors and tires. They’re fighting for freedom from tyranny. They’re a rag-tag team; disparate personalities that have come together because of a common goal: they don’t want to be slaves to Megatron’s autocracy (see what we did there?). To Autobots’ “don’t tread on me” philosophy has carried them through millions of years, but they have yet to win the war.

Question 14

Describe the Decepticons

The Transformers Decepticon symbol

They’re called the Decepticons—of course they’re the bad guys. They usually favor darker colors and are generally more aggressive. Some see themselves as superior members of a superior race, while others are operating their own agendas. Oddly enough, their philosophy is “peace through tyranny,” which is essentially “regulated freedom,” so, yeah, it doesn’t make much sense. Despite their made-for-battle programming, they have yet to win the war.

Question 15

Victory or honor?

There are dishonorable Autobots (Prowl) and honorable Decepticons (Carnivac). Life’s funny that way. We bring this up because there’s more complexity to this question than meets the eye (tee-hee). What good is honor if you’re living under an oppressive dictator? What good is victory when you’ve become the enemy you sought to save everyone from? This is a fun question, isn’t it?

Question 16

Describe your group of friends

The Transformers Autobots

Yes, Transformers have friendship programs. They can also feel pain and hunger. They can smell, fall asleep and have imperfect aim. It’s a strange franchise, best not to dwell on the details sometimes. But, yes, even they have groups of friends. How you and your friends interact is all part of figuring out which Transformer you would be.

Question 17

How would your friends describe you?

Swindle-from-Transformers decepticon

It’s time for some self-awareness. Now, be honest—how would your friends describe you. It’s best to tell the truth here—you don’t want to lie and accidentally end up with a crap character. Then again, if you tell the truth and you still end up with a crap character, that would be even worse. God, imagine finding out you would be Wheelie. Look, this is going to a dark place. Just answer the question. Use your best judgement.

Question 18

How do you deal with a boss you don’t like?

We’ve all had a horrible boss or two. That’s probably why you decided to become a freelance writer in the first place. That and the fact you get to work remotely and tool around in a Captain Kirk robe all day. But, back in the day, when you had to deal with a superior who was incompetent, crazy, abusive or otherwise unpleasant, how did you manage? And stop saying Lithium.

Question 19

What’s the worst thing that can happen to you?

Beast Machines Transformers

The Joker said all it takes is one bad day to go over the edge. What’s the worst thing that can happen to you? We obviously can’t go through all the possibilities—man, life is chaotic, isn’t it? Rust Cohle made some pretty good points. Anyway, look deep within yourself and tell us what the worst possible thing that can happen to you. Don’t worry, we won’t sell this information to the government. Unless that’s the worst thing that can happen to you.

Question 20

You see a wounded animal…

Holden Blade Runner

This is for the Voight-Kampff section of the quiz. You see a wounded animal on the side of the road. It is bleeding badly. Do you gather the creature up and take it to the nearest vet or do you mercy kill it, knowing that you probably wouldn’t make it on time?

Question 21

Do you have a bad temper?

The Transformers 01 Optimus Prime

No, this isn’t a leading question. There are plenty of hotheaded Autobots. It’s just that most of them are on the Wreckers or they’re Dinobots. Plus, tensions tend to run high in war. But there is something to be said for the staid hand. Like a bad temper, calmness is something that has a time and a place. But, really, how bad are you at keeping cool?

Question 22

Do you have problems with authority?

Grimlock-Dinobot-from-Transformers

Nobody really enjoys being told what to do, but do you have a real problem with it? Do you purposely buck authority even when it can have major consequences for you? A good indicator is the manner in which you left the majority of your jobs and how often you got in trouble at school.

Question 23

Freedom or order?

This is a tough one. These are rather diametrically opposed concepts. You can’t have order with freedom and you can’t have freedom with order. This is the crux of the Transformers long, long civil wars, even before the factions of Autobots and Decepticons cropped up, so if an advanced race of robotic beings can’t get it right, what chance do we have?

Question 24

Are you disciplined?

The Transformers Galvatron

Are you regimented? Can you follow directions, and can you keep yourself in control in even the worst situations? Yes, yes, this sounds like a commercial for the Marines, but this is important. It’s not even that far removed from our topic, what with the Great War and all. The point is, anybody can end up in a war zone. To survive it, you need to be aware and prepared. Discipline will help. You have any to spare?

Question 25

Do you feel guilty when you've done something wrong?

This can come in all forms; from the cringe-inducing reminder that comes to you when you’re trying to fall asleep to things that really make you consider if you’re even a human being. Or, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have regrets either because you’ve led a boring life or you’re an utter sociopath. Either one.

Question 26

Do you have leadership skills?

The Transformers Autobots panoramic

A good leader is all about balance. He’s compassionate but decisive. He understands that losses will be incurred but he doesn’t believe in cannon fodder. A leader knows how to obtain and retain the respect and loyalty of his subordinates Unfortunately, he also knows when to be brutal—when to attack without mercy.

Question 27

Do you desire to become a leader?

The Transformers Great War

Not everyone is meant to sit in the big chair. It’s not an insult, it’s just fact. Some people don’t have the temperament for it. Others don’t want the weight of that responsibility. Some think that the best strategy is to burn everything done. Admittedly, there’s something to be said for that, but this is neither the time or the place.

Question 28

Who is the better leader: Optimus Prime or Rodimus Prime?

The Transformers Dark Awakening Optimus Prime and Rodimus Prime

Optimus Prime is the dad you never had. As a leader, he spoke softly but carried a big stick called an Ion rifle which blasted holes in just about anything. He was measured, meditative and something of an island. Rodimus was his successor; younger, headstrong and impulsive. He wore his feelings on his (metal) sleeve. While Ironhide at times had to prod Optimus to action, Ultra Magnus would have to talk Rodimus out of action.

Question 29

Who is the better leader: Megatron or Galvatron?

The Transformers Galvatron crazy

Well, this is a tough one. Neither leader is particularly kind to the soldiers under his command. Galvatron doesn’t stand for dissension in his ranks, but then, he also shoots his own soldiers more often than Megs did. Megatron would often retreat in the first sign of failure, but Galvatron is just too damn unpredictable. We can both probably agree they’re maniacs, right?

Question 30

What do you think of Optimus Prime’s mouth plate?

Optimus-Prime-in-Generation-1

Remember back in 2007 when there was fan outcry for the first Michael Bay Transformers flick? Well, there was a lot of outcry, so we’ll be more specific: Optimus Prime spoke without his trademark mouth plate. The trademark of the character had been erased (does Optimus Primal count?) and has since become less commonly seen in Transformers series? So, what say you?

Question 31

Instinct or Logic?

Beast Wars Transformers Tigatron

In a difficult situation, how do you make a decision? Do you prefer to go with your gut or do you logically break everything down regardless of emotion? We’re not ones to judge, especially since either can be a crapshoot. Some people have poor instincts, others have a thinking process similar to an alcoholic homeless person. Are we making you second guess your life choices? Sorry. We’ll stop.

Question 32

Driving or flying?

You need to get someplace. Do you prefer speeding down the freeway, exploring the unknown nooks and crannies of your country or flying through the unending and unpredictable skies? In other words: which song do you prefer “Mercury Blues” by the Steve Miller Band or “Learning to Fly” by Pink Floyd. NOTE: both are great to take drugs to, just depends on which ones we’re talking about.

Question 33

Preferred superpower?

Everyone will admit to wanting a superpower as a kid. Fewer will admit to still wanting them an as adult. But everyone still does. How could you not. Granted, as an adult, you’d probably be just as capricious with it as you would when you were a kid, but let’s not ruin the fun. Imagine how much easier life would be with even just one if you used it correctly.

Question 34

How likely are you to listen to advice?

The Sopranos Doctor Melfi

Going back to dealing with difficult situations—are you the type of person that seeks out the advice of others? Or do you prefer to keep your own council? Nothing wrong with either choice. It’s just a matter of head space and preference. Some of us don’t want to burden others with our problems. Others are just more comfortable talking to people about their issues.

Question 35

How likely are you to actually take the advice?

Tony Soprano

Listening to advice and actually taking it are two different things. Your friends could advise you not to mix uppers and downers, but here you are anyway—naked, covered in pork rinds and sitting in the back of a police car while strangers scream at you for ruining a 50th wedding anniversary. Sure, it can happen to anyone, but it doesn’t change the fact it happened to you. Anyway, there’s a point in here somewhere about advice.

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