Admit it, when you were a kid, you want to have a super power. Hell, you're probably an adult now and you still want a super power. It'd make life easier (in theory at least). Comic books have are so many powers out there to choose from--magnetism, super-strength, healing factor, heat vision, flight, super-speed, some kind of psychic thing that would allow you to invade the private thoughts of others--and at some point, you've probably argued what ability you and your friends would have and why.
For this quiz, we're taking it one step further. Super powers aren't only a utility, but the best ones are reflective of the user's personality. Don't worry, we're not going to ask if you'd use these powers for good or evil--powers don't have a preference, and, besides, we'd all end up using these things selfishly at some point. It's just good business. Tearing through a bank, taking the money--what? It's fine. It's the bank's money--they're insured. Maybe you end up with the ability to fly--no more airports. Or heat vision. No more...cooking with gas or electric? Okay, they're not all winners. But you might be. Take this quiz and find out what your secret super power would be.
Are you clumsy?
Look, we've all taken a tumble and lost a few dinner plates over it, but we mean REALLY clumsy. A two left feet, butterfingers sort of thing. Where it's something people know you by. Having super powers is a big deal and being able to wield them appropriately is important. However, if you are clumsy, there are still powers available to you. Just, you know, try to be a little more careful.
Do you get picked on a lot?
Not to open some wounds better left to professionals like your bartender or therapist, but this is an important question about your mindset and how you process things. And how great would it be to get some revenge if the anger is yes, right? Unless of course, this question helps lead you to one of those dumb powers. Like super-knitting or something. That would be awful.
Were you the bully?
Well, if you weren’t one you were the other, right? Some people were both or neither, but if TV has taught us anything is that binary logic is always easier. So what if you were the bully? Sure, you’re probably at least moderately unlikable, but maybe that forcefulness helped you become a leader of some kind. Maybe it’ll lead you now to a cool power.
Are you afraid of heights?
This one is just good thinking. You don’t want certain powers if you can’t stand high altitude. Unless you’re one of those people who dislike heights but don’t mind being on planes. Life’s funny that way. Maybe this question is just being deceptive. Maybe by admitting to your phobia, you’re one step closer to the power of flight, and we’re just having a laugh at you. It’s possible. Better see this through to make sure.
Are you impatient?
Do you have itchy feet? Are you always trying to get somewhere in a hurry even when you don’t have anywhere to go? Lucky are those who don’t mind be stuck being slow walkers on the street when you’re trying to make an important appoint and they always somehow block you as you’re trying to pass so you end up walking in the street, but you step in a damn puddle and mess up your shoes. Ugh.
How many bones have you broken?
According to WikiAnswers (a trusted news source if there ever was one), 87% of people will break at least two bones in their lifetime. If you’re running around with superpowers, you’re probably going to break something at some point, odds are. Going back to that clumsy question, you should probably consider your answer to it when considering the number of bones you may be yet to break.
How well do you handle pain?
Related to our last question, how well do you handle pain? We don’t mean the existential pain of being alive or any of the French films in the 40s and 50s that explored it. We mean good old fashioned accidentally-put-a-nail-through-your-hand/knife-in-the-eye sort of pain. Not everybody can deal with pain well. It’s not even something you can really practice at, either, but it matters for this quiz. And other things, probably.
Do you have a bad temper?
Remember that impatient feeling being stuck behind slow-walking people? Imagine that constantly. Or your co-worker who can’t stop talking about being vegan. Or the thousands of minor inconveniences that add up to a giant ball of rage and—yeah, you get the idea. How easy it is it for you to really lose it? Be honest.
Pick your favorite hero
It’s the heroes that always get our attention first. The crazy outfits, the bombastic origins, the awesome abilities that get us to part with our money to read their comics or keep us from changing the channel long enough to tell their story and show us why they’re so super.
Pick your favorite villain
Sure, it’s the heroes that get our attention, but it’s the villains that make us stick around. Either we want to see them get punished for their crimes or we secretly want them to succeed. Sometimes they’re just cooler than the good guy. Sometimes they’re revolting. But they’re always more interesting.
What scares you the most?
We’re all afraid of some things. It’s natural. It’s also sometimes uncomfortable to admit it to others. Especially strangers like us. But that’s okay. Set your paranoia aside and know we totally won’t Zuckerberg you. Now, just tell us what scares you more than anything else in the world while we trace your IP address.
What's your response: fight or flight?
Just like being afraid, it’s sometimes difficult to admit how we deal with certain situations—especially when it’s all about gut reaction. We often don’t know how we’ll react to a high tension or surprising incident until we’re in it. Funny how little control we have over mind and body.
Do you get into fights often?
If you have a bad temper or not, sometimes you just can’t help a situation. Sometimes you just get into fights. Or not. It really can be a matter of luck rather than circumstances. Whether you often get into fights or not—and we’re talking about the physical kind—matters in figuring out how you deal with conflict and what power you’ll end up with.
Do you win these fights?
Hey, there’s no shame in losing. It builds character. Every lump, cut and broken bone is a story. Worst comes to worst you tell your friends that you did win and the other person’s in a coma. Liberty Valance did the same basic thing and everything worked well out for him. Mostly.
Which kid were you in school?
School is really quite awful, but if the Breakfast Club taught us anything, it’s that everyone fits into neat segments and cliques. Also, that David Bowie’s words are timeless, but that’s neither here nor there. Unfortunately, who we were in school helps form our personalities and that’s what will help establish your powerset.
Marvel or DC?
The unstoppable force and the immovable object. The house that Jack Kirby built and the house the Jack Kirby fixed up. Light and dark, day and night, and all that other stuff. If you had to choose between these surprisingly similar yet diametrically opposed companies, who would it be, and what might the result say about your powers?
How often do you get sick?
Not everyone is blessed with a great immune system. It’s worse if you’re around children a lot; they’re germs with legs. Being sick is never fun, but neither are the precautions you have to take to keep from getting sick. You know what’s a lot more fun than all that? Eating a burger. And taking these quizzes.
Which of these would you prefer?
Sometimes you just want life to be a little easier. A super power or two would definitely help, but some other unexpected opportunities or windfall wouldn’t hurt either. Of the four choices, do you take one that will save you money, one that makes life more convenient, or another that lets you be a little more daring in your choices?
What do you enjoy more?
How we spend our time and how we enjoy spending our time say a lot about who we are, and if you want your super power to be a perfect fit, we need to get an idea of what’s going on in that head of yours. Thematically resonant powers are the best ones, after all.
What's your favorite color?
If you believe in auras (or at least watched Breaking Bad), our color preferences reflect our personality, and our personalities reflect what powers we'll have (if you read "The Amazo Virus" you know what we’re talking about). We don’t just mean what color of t-shirt you like to wear, either. Just the colors you find my aesthetically pleasing.
How would others describe you?
How well do the people that know you actually know you? Would their assessment of you be accurate or do you keep people from knowing who you really are? Defense mechanisms are important, but how the people in our lives see us does have a major effect how we see ourselves.
What kind of person do you think you are?
However, if you do keep people at arm’s length, they may not know what’s really going on with you. So, when you look at yourself, what do you see? When no one’s around and you can be open and honest with yourself, what stands out? Don’t worry, you’re still getting a superpower even if you don’t like yourself.
What's your favorite genre?
In your down time, what kind of escapism do you prefer? No, we’re not hitting on you—this is actually relevant to the quiz. Sometimes we put ourselves in the positions of the characters in fiction we enjoy. Maybe out of a desire to live in that world or to experience the same strange occurrences.
What kind of work do you do?
So, what do you do for a living, friend? Your job doesn’t have much to do with mindset in this question, but more about convenience. How would your super power make doing your job easier? Hopefully quite a bit, but you’ll have to keep playing to find out how.
How would you spend an evening?
How often do any of us get to really enjoy ourselves? Not enough, that’s for sure. But in those rare moments of downtime, how would you prefer to spend it? When no one can tell you what to do and you can do things you prefer doing. No spouses, no kids, no worries.