This 60-Second Test Will Tell You If You're A Bad Mom Or A Good Mom


One thing that stops some people from having a child is wondering whether or not they're truly ready for the insane step into the responsibility that comes with getting pregnant and then having to look after another human being. Even typing this out makes us terrified of that sort of responsibility, so we can understand why somebody who is actively considering it could be frightened to a point where it stops them from having a child. We actually think this is a positive move, as it shows these human beings don't want to just throw themselves into parenthood and take the privilege of having children seriously.

Rather than focus on all parents today, we've decided to put together a quiz that tests the mothers out there, to see if it's true that all women have some form of innate ability to be a caring mother, or whether there are people out there who just have no clue. Over the course of this quiz, your ability to look after a child will be put to the test and by the end, we will know exactly what sort of mother you are. Hopefully, you'll find out you're a good mom, but if the opposite is true, it might be time to rethink the baby plans...

So, are you ready to find out if you've got what it takes to be considered a good mother? We're sorry if you don't end up with the answer you're hoping for, but we promise that this is for the greater good.

Question 1

How Long Will It Take For Your Child's Umbilical Cord To Fall Off?

Of all the unpleasant things about birth that really makes us uncomfortable, the concept of a baby having something that hangs from its stomach makes us the most uncomfortable, for reasons that we don't fully understand. Sure, we've all got a belly button, meaning we all once had our own cords, but it still gets us all uncomfortable just to think about it. Seriously, nobody should ever have to cut one of those things. If we ever have kids, we’re going to refuse.

Question 2

How High Of A Fever Should Your Baby Have Before You Call A Doctor?

One of the major problems with parents is that they don't know how to let their babies grow up without the constant fear that they're dying at every little sign of pain or fever. We know that you want to look after your child and therefore there will be a natural level of worry built in, but you have to realize that nine times out of ten, your baby is going to be fine and you’re worrying yourself over nothing.

Question 3

Can You Give A Baby Paracetamol?

When your baby is suffering, it's fair to think that you would literally do anything to make them feel better, which is why some people can get quite overzealous in their approach and end up coddling their child. Obviously, these human beings need a lot more care and attention than others, but that doesn't mean you have to stop them from making mistakes or learning about the world around them. These things are incredibly important when it comes to their development.

Question 4

Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Crying?

If we're being honest, of all the reasons that we've pretty much been put off babies for life, the main one is the fact that the sound of them crying is quite possibly the most unpleasant sound that has ever been achieved. We are evolutionarily set up to find the sound of a baby crying as unpleasant as anything in this world, which is not something that we want lying around our house if we’re being totally honest. That’s just how we feel.

Question 5

True Or False: Breastfed Babies Don't Need Vitamin Supplements

One thing we've never fully understood is the stigma that surrounds mothers who choose not to breastfeed their children as if there aren't just as valid options open to these women and their offspring. We don't know the full details of the situation but we're fairly sure that a child brought up on formula isn't going to have some adverse effect follow them through the rest of their life. It’s just a basic choice made by someone who gets to choose how they use their body.

Question 6

How Should You Position A Baby Before They Go To Sleep?

See, we find it difficult to look after ourselves on a daily basis, so the concept of having to look after something that can essentially die doing something as basic as going to sleep does not appeal to us whatsoever. One little mistake and you can end up with a dead child, even if that mistake is just not being constantly vigilant when you, and your child, are trying to get some sleep. Seriously, that is just way too much responsibility.

Question 7

How Long Is It Recommended That You Breastfeed Your Baby?

If you're the sort of person who thinks that women shouldn't be allowed to feed their child, no matter where they are in the world, then we really don't think you should be taking this quiz. A hungry baby is hungry regardless of where they happen to be. You can't explain to the child that, due to the delicate sensibilities of the society surrounding is, they'll have to wait till they get home. No mothers should have that sort of opinion.

Question 8

In A Perfect World, How Regularly Should You Sterilize Your Bottles?

This is yet another thing that you don't end up thinking about until it's too late and you've got the baby in your arms, desperately reading the parenting books that you should've read months ago but only now seem interesting to you. Sure, there's a lot of major things you've got to think about, but it's the nitty gritty of parenthood that doesn't really hit you over the head until you're actually sat there with a human being in your lap.

Question 9

Can You Hold Your Baby Too Much?

It's only in the past few years that people have started to argue that alternative parenting methods, where you attempt to leave your child alone as much as physically possible, can have a positive effect on their mental wellbeing as they start to grow older. The belief is that this will set them up for growth in a much better way, as they won't be reliant on other people around them. What do you guys think the experts say on this one?

Question 10

Baby Poo: Should It Always Be Brown?

Yes, we're sorry if this is the kind of question that makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you can't even think about baby poo then you definitely shouldn't become a parent. Your entire life will essentially be about baby poo for a very long time once you push that little bundle of joy into this world. If you think we're exaggerating, go and ask a parent about this one. You never get used to the horrific smell either if you ask us.

Question 11

True Or False: You Should Never Wake A Sleeping Baby

Honestly, why would you ever want to wake a sleeping baby? It takes so long to get them down after a long hard day of crying at the loudest possible volume that you should be grateful for any amount of peace and quiet that you can get in the hectic world of parenthood. Seriously, we would let our kids sleep as much as physically possible, no matter whether they were supposed to or not. That's how selfish we are when it comes to babies.

Question 12

Is It Normal For My Baby To End Up Nocturnal?

One of the similarities between babies and pets is that they have their own sleep pattern and they're not worried about disrupting your sleep pattern either. If they need some love or attention, they will let you know almost immediately if they can. It's important to them to make sure that you know exactly who is the boss here and what sort of power you can expect to have over the coming years. The answer is that you will have very little power.

Question 13

True Or False: I Should Be Worried If My Baby's Hair Falls Out

We can't be the only people that think a baby born with a full head of hair is quite possibly one of the creepiest things in this world. Seriously, you show us an infant with a mullet and we will show you some proper nightmare fuel that should be keeping us all up at night. It's pretty much the only time in a human's life where they look better if they're bald. Sorry bald people, but you know that we're right.

Question 14

Is It Normal For My Baby's Eyes To Change Color?

We always thought it was crazy that there are people in this world who will actually change the color of their eyes with contact lenses. That sort of thing just doesn't make sense to us. It's like when people say that being able to genetically alter your child is dangerous because where does the line stop? The line stops at just after debilitating illnesses, long before we get to whether or not they have green or blue eyes. It’s not that hard.

Question 15

Is My Husband Lying When He Says He Can't Smell That Diaper?

It must be hard trying to divvy up the baby duties, especially if you're in a relationship where only one of you actually wanted the thing. It must feel like you should have the right to say that you pushed it out of your body for them, so they should start picking up the slack once it starts to shuffle around on the floor leaving a mess everywhere. Seriously, that is a fair grouping of baby duties if you ask us.

Question 16

True Or False: Pink Is For Girls And Blue Is For Boys

We think that the way you answer this question can actually tell other people a lot about you. There are a few important pieces of your personality that are highlighted when you answer this question, no matter how you end up answering it. If you’re the sort of person who doesn’t agree that a single question can tell you an immense volume of information about the person answering it, then we would suggest that you start taking a further look into how human beings act.

Question 17

Is It Normal For My Baby To Wiggle As It Sleeps?

It still freaks us out to think that the way a baby sleeps or moves is a fairly accurate representation of how they were acting when they were within their mother's womb. It's like you're getting a real-life look at fetal movements. We know that most people don't think like us so sorry for ruining the sight of a sleeping baby for you, but if you didn't have us telling you these sorts of things then you'd never be fully aware of what was going on.

Question 18

True Or False: Baby Talk Is Bad For Your Child's Development

Isn't it weird that whether we're talking to a baby or a furry pet, our brains automatically tell us to change what we're saying and how we're saying it, instead opting to throw out some gibberish from our mouths? What is it about our evolution which has left us with this reflex to make no sense whatsoever when faced with something we find cute? Maybe we like to keep our voices soft in the hopes of keeping the cute thing happy.

Question 19

True Or False: Keeping Your Baby Awake During The Day Is Bad For Them

For anyone who doesn't know anything about sleeping patterns, you'd probably be surprised to find out that there's actually a lot about the way we sleep which doesn't seem to work well with the natural way we would sleep if it wasn't for the fact that we have arbitrarily placed a twenty-four hour time limit on ourselves to make up when we should or should not be going to sleep. Sure, we need to be able to keep a schedule, but not when it comes to sleeping.

Question 20

Should My Baby Be Losing Weight Or Gaining Weight?

Beyond the obvious problems with health, you should never make your child feel as if they need to lose weight. Sure, steer them in the right direction, but you are no kind of good parent if you make your child feel insecure just for the way they look. You need to educate them about what their body needs while always reminding them that it's their health that matters, not how they look. Plus, they need to be comfortable in their own skin.

Question 21

True Or False: A Baby Should Be Bathed Every Day

We don't think many people realize that a lot of experts out there don't think you should bathe yourself every single day, even though this is exactly what pretty much every single one of us does. This is because we've been taught to make sure that our personal hygiene does not offend others when it can actually be detrimental to our health. The sensitivity of your skin can be a real problem when it comes to having a shower every single day.

Question 22

True Or False: It Is Impossible To Avoid Diaper Rash

When you have a child, you're pretty much inviting a whole host of inevitabilities into your home, starting with the fact that you are going to get ill throughout their infancy. Not only will you be made ill by these germ factories, but they will end up with various forms of ailments as well. However, is diaper rash one of these inevitable ailments? Is it a sign of neglect or is just something that everyone will have to deal with as a parent.

Question 23

True Or False: The Best Way To Keep A Child Comfy Is With Layers

One of the best things about being an adult is that you get to essentially choose what you want when you want. If you feel uncomfortable, it's up to you to make yourself feel comfortable by changing up your atmosphere or what you're wearing. It’s no surprise then that people who aren’t brought up properly will end up not being able to figure out who they are what they want from life when they reach adulthood because somebody else has always done everything for them.

Question 24

True Or False: Your Baby's Bellybutton Should Be Kept Dry At All Times

It's weird to think that this part of our body that we walk around with, giving very little thought to during our adult years, is something that had to be looked after during our baby years. Like, people always think about our heads and stuff like that because you need to look after your head throughout your entire life. Your belly button is different. We’re pretty sure that we’ve never had to worry about our bellybutton health throughout our entire life.

Question 25

True Or False: A Circumcision Is Always Bad For A Child

It's insane to think that this surgical part of many people's childhood is still a major problem for many people to come to terms with. However, one thing to bear in mind is that this isn't something that everyone does around the world. In fact, most people do not circumcise their children. For some reason, the continent of North America is filled with people who expect to circumcise their children from birth, no matter what the circumstances are surrounding the child’s birth.

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