There's a big problem in Hollywood, a dilemma that's stumped all of humanity for years and persists even now. Not one, but four incredibly dreamy, illegally handsome men are starring in some of Hollywood's biggest movies, and all of them are named Chris. Why is the world being blessed by attractive men a problem, you ask? Well, telling them apart is one of the main issues, but Chris Pine did a fine job explaining the key differences between the four thirty-something, nearly identically tall, well-built, blond men with killer facial hair... Yeah, accidentally giving Captain America a call when you actually want Captain Kirk might happen more than you think.
The other part of the problem, of course, is having to decide between the four. How can you possibly pick Pine over Pratt, or Hemsworth over Evans? Is anyone qualified to make that choice? No, definitely not. You're going to need some backup, some sophisticated tool of data analysis that can crunch the numbers and finally tell you which Chris is right for you. So, you're left with two options: go out into the world in search of the world's most advanced analysis technology to help you find your ideal man, or relax at home in your comfiest onesie sipping a soothing warm beverage and take this quiz, which will save you tons of effort and therefore give you even more time to start actually pursuing your perfect guy. I'm not saying the quiz is the better option, but it totally is.
Pick a dream job!
Most people have a dream job, and if yours lines up with one of the four Chrises, there just might be some killer chemistry there. You could drive racecars for a living, or take care of cute animals all day being a zookeeper! Why is there a picture of Steve Irwin here? Because he looked and acted like a zookeeper and, let's face it, we all miss Steve.
What's your ideal date night?
You and your future beau will go on lots of dates when you're together, so it's important to make sure your ideals for those evenings line up. Maybe you're into something traditional, like a romantic, candle-lit dinner at a nice restaurant. Or maybe you want to pummel your boyfriend with paintballs. Whatever floats your boat!
What quality do you look for in a guy?
There's no doubt that the guy you'll end up with will be one of the most good-looking men on the planet, but what other key quality do you look for in a partner? Maybe you prioritize a sense of humor because them making you laugh is important, or maybe you want someone super smart who can talk to you about all kinds of interesting things. You probably want all four options, but try to pick just one.
Where do you go to unwind?
Everybody needs some downtime once in a while to get away from the stresses of work and day to day life. Pick a location you'd go to get away for a bit, think about things, and come back to yourself. Who knows, maybe you'll get a match with your future Chris?
Choose an aphrodisiac!
Aphrodisiacs are foods that increase your sex drive, but they also include some of the tastiest things around. Whether you're eating one of the foods below because you're down for some romance or you just think it tastes good, pick one as your favorite.
Are you into superhero movies?
Even if superhero movies aren't your thing, you can't deny that they're some of the biggest blockbusters coming out of Hollywood. Plus, all four Chrises have been in some superhero movie or another, and they're at their hunkiest in those roles. And if you're on the geekier side and really enjoy the comic-inspired stuff, then you're in for a real treat!
What's your favorite Disney song?
No matter how much we grow up, Disney movies stay in our hearts and form a key part of our childhood which is passed on from generation to generation. You can probably pick your favorite Disney movie off the top of your head, but what about your favorite song?
How do you spend your free time?
Though we spend much of our lives working and sleeping, taking up hobbies to fill one's spare time is healthy, productive, and can help us develop all sorts of talents. Whether you like to spend a few hours reading in your favorite spot or exploring a vibrant digital world in your current video game of choice, there's a hobby for everyone.
How important is romance to you?
For some people, romance is the wonderfully sappy glue that holds a relationship together, making them feel loved and appreciated. For others, it incites excessive cringing or gagging. Are you someone who adores the flowing intricacies of love, or are you someone who just can't stand them?
How do you feel about facial hair?
For some reason that nobody's really sure about, beards are in again, and pretty much every guy under the sun seems to be sporting one. Depending on your preference, you may be happy about that, or you may be internally screaming because all of your favorite dreamy guys have now had their faces ruined by fur. In any case, you might be able to convince your Chris to adjust his facial hair to your preference. Maybe.
What's your dream vacation destination?
Being able to travel together is key for any couple, yourself and Chris included! On top of that, everybody has dream destinations that they want to visit someday, usually somewhere far away and culturally vibrant, and you'd probably want your future beau to tag along.
Pick your favorite movie genre!
Whether you're having a quiet night in or heading out to the theater, movies can be a fun way to spend any evening. As long as you're not conflicted about what to watch, that is. Maybe you really enjoy watching Jason Statham shoot people, or maybe you're determined to watch Bridesmaids for the 425th time.
Are you looking for a family man or a bachelor?
Depending on your priorities in life right now, you might be after a man who's already got experience with kids and would be comfortable raising a family in the near future. Alternatively, if you're not interested in that kind of thing at the moment, you might prefer your guy to be more invested in the romance between you than family values.
What kind of place do you want to live in?
Assuming money wasn't an issue, what kind of living space would you like to occupy? Would you tend towards a sprawling, luxurious mansion with rooms aplenty? Maybe you'd prefer a spacious loft with a killer view of the city? Or maybe you're content with a good old-fashioned bungalow in the spirit of the American dream. Whatever your preference, go for it!
You're on a day outing with your man! What are you doing?
Since weekends are, well, several days long, you've got plenty of time to go on an outing with your beau for an entire day. The possibilities are endless, but you've narrowed it down to four good options. Pick the one that appeals most to you and get ready for some top-notch quality time!
What's your most attractive feature?
We're assuming a lot with this quiz, particularly the fact that you're guaranteed to end up with one of these handsome Chrises! Attraction is a two-way street, though, so you're going to need some standout qualities that your Chris notices and appreciates. You probably have plenty, but pick your most stunning for now.
What's a guy's most attractive feature?
Don't worry, now it's your turn to pick the feature that's most important to you! You likely have a particular type of guy that interests you, but let's keep things simple here and narrow it down to one single physical feature that you find irresistible. Or, you know, that you at least like a bit more than the others.
Pick your favorite food!
Couple compatibility is paramount in any relationship, but let's be real here: having the same taste in food is at the top of the list, too. If you desperately want to stuff your face with sushi and your bae isn't down to join you, he's never gonna be your perfect guy. Well, he might be, but he'll have a lot of catching up to do.
Pick a game night activity!
Ah, game night. If you're a laid-back, relaxed sort of person who just likes to have fun and doesn't care about the outcome of the game being played, you'll likely have a fantastic time. On the other hand, if you're a competitive individual who's determined to sacrifice your firstborn child to achieve victory, you may have a more stressful evening than your fellow players. And if you end up playing Monopoly, that usually doesn't end well for anyone. Even Daniel Craig.
Choose a pair of shoes!
If your man doesn't know how to dress properly, he likely won't appeal to you much either. The thing is, everybody has different opinions as to what constitutes dressing properly. Footwear, which can make or break any outfit, is an important part of one's fashion philosophy. What shoes would your man wear on a regular basis?
Pick a suit color!
Pretty much regardless of how good-looking your man is on a daily basis, you'll likely hold the opinion that he looks his best in a clean-cut, tailored suit. As the height of men's fashion, a suit suggests a top-notch sense of style and a whole bunch of sophistication to go with it. The only question is, what color suit do you like most?
What's your favorite sitcom?
Whether you're a fan of Ron Swanson or Michael Scott, there's a sitcom out there for everyone. We've all spent more hours than we want to count binge-watching our favorite shows and laughing our butts off. But hey, those hours of entertainment have value! A good chuckle is one of the best pick-me-ups after a long day.
How nerdy are you?
Being nerdy is wonderful, but of course it affects your personality in key ways. If your nerdiness is minimal, you might be the smoothest criminal in a 20-mile radius. On the other hand, if you're more into reading all the latest comics than Saturday night socializing, you might be a little more awkward. Everybody's got their unique kind of charm, dorky or otherwise.
How fit are you?
You may not care much about your man's physique, but fitness can play a role in any relationship. It could, for example, be a deciding factor in determining whether your day with your beau consists of a 15-mile run up the side of a mountain or a 15-hour binge-watching session whilst cuddling on your sofa. Personally I think the first option sounds awful.
And finally, who would YOU choose?
You've come all this way. You've answered many seemingly random questions with the goal of finding your perfect Chris. Your soulmate awaits! But let's be real with this last question: which Chris would you like to date? Seriously, you can just pick the one you think you'd like most. No, this isn't a trick. Really, it's not. Yes, I promise.