Think Twice About Having Kids If You Can't Pass This Test
- by Ricky Bambuto
- – on
- in Lifestyle
Are you thinking about having kids? Have you only thought about it for 2 minutes and screamed "YES!" up to your ceiling? Well, slow down there Sally Fastpants. Having a kid is a big deal, and you need to think long and hard about a bunch of stuff before having one.
Sure, it'll be pretty simple for you to have a kid. Just engage in some hanky panky with someone, go through 9 uncomfortable months then several hours of excruciating pain, and a baby will appear. Or, if you're a guy, just wait around for a while and see if she needs chicken or peanut butter or something before it's time to go to the hospital and meet the baby. Having a kid isn't rocket science, but being a good parent isn't far from it.
In a sense, we never stop being kids ourselves. Just because there's a legal drinking age, that doesn't represent the point where we cross into adulthood. We'll never be fully, perfectly "ready" to have kids, because it's impossible for us to ever be full or perfect. All we can do as parents is give it our best shot.
Thankfully, prior to parenthood, we have the opportunity to prepare ourselves for the arrival of our kids. If you're wondering whether you're well-prepared, this quiz might help.
Do you still have a lot of self-discovery to do?
No matter how long you've been alive, you'll always have a great deal of self-discovery left to do. However, if you're thinking of having a kid, you'll have to put your self-discovery on hold for a good while, since it'll be about the little one from this point on. Of course, self-discovery as a parent is a whole new journey.
How well are you taking care of yourself?
Taking care of ourselves is boring. It requires eating vitamin-rich foods and getting a good amount of sleep. However, if you want to be a good parent, you'll also have to become your best possible self. Are you working on that?
How sure are you of your partner?
Let's just put the matter of having kids away for the time being if you're not even sure about the person you're with. Being parents means forming a tight, strong bond for the kid to be introduced to. How sure are you of your SO?
Are you excited by the thought of being a parent?
If, when you think about being a parent, your eyes roll all the way up to the back of your head so that you're looking at the inner-ceiling of your skull, maybe you're not ready to have kids. If you like the idea, then let's continue.
Are you financially secure?
Bringing a baby into this world when you're unsure of having diaper money next month is simply a bad idea. If that's the case, you should wait till you have your accounts in order before reproducing. Are you financially stable?
Do you imagine your baby as an accessory, even a little bit? (Honestly)
A baby is a conscious human being, not an accessory. Be honest with us here. When you imagine having a kid, are you thinking about using him or her as a mascot for your favorite fashion expressions. Or, do you want to have the kid partly because it'll make it easier to pick chicks up at the park. If so - yeesh, that's disconcerting.
Have you ever been responsible for someone? (Animals included)
When you take full responsibility for any living organism, you're being prepared for parenthood in a small scale. If the entity you're taking care of (be it a plant, animal, or ant farm) thrives, that's a good sign for your future family life.
Do you still rely on your own parents?
If you're a fully emancipated adult who still runs to their parents on a consistent basis for help dealing with life's basic struggles, you still have some growing up to do. When you have kids, you're the one who needs to be stable enough for them to turn to when they're in need.
Do you ever leave the oven/straightener/etc on after leaving the house?
Should you choose to become a parent, you need to do your best to ensure that you don't make stupid mistakes. Of course, leaving a hot thing on after leaving the house is very stupid, since it can result in a fire.
How much do you love to party?
Partying is great, isn't it? Or, maybe you think partying is overrated, and you stopped enjoying it after you were like 19. If that's the case, you may very well be settled enough to be a good parent who isn't hungover twice a week.
Do your close friends have kids?
We're not saying that, if you don't have close friends with kids, you shouldn't become a parent right now. However, if you are around people with kids, you have a great support system to help you out with the challenges of being a parent.
Picture yourself changing a diaper. It's a... significant diaper change. How do you feel?
Alright, imagine this: your baby made a huge doodie in their diaper, and guess who has the opportunity to clean up the mess? You! As you get ready to change the old diaper for a new one, you discover what looks like a small-scale recreation of a nuclear wasteland. How do you feel?
Is social pressure driving you to have kids?
Having a baby is a magical experience, and the reason we all don't freak out over it is because it's a necessary thing that people do all the time. However, fundamentally, this whole process is sacred, and shouldn't be dictated by social pressure. Do you feel forced into this before you're ready?
Have you satisfied your urge to travel?
Everyone has a travel bug within them to one degree or another. Some of us pack our bags to travel across Asia for a year, others like a simple week-long resort getaway every now and then. If you're thinking of starting a family, you'll probably need to put the traveling on hold for a while.
How often do you sleep in?
A lot of us have held on to our teenage habit of sleeping in till noon on weekends - or even some weekdays. This feels great when we can afford to do it, and not so great when we can't. Either way, if you want to be a good parent, you need to be up with the early birds every day.
Do you think you'll be working the same job 5 years from now?
Aside from financial security, it's important to be professionally stable if you're thinking of starting a family. You might have a bit of money in the bank now, but that can quickly be washed away if you're left without a job a few years down the line.
Do you still feel like a kid yourself?
Of course, no one ever really knows when they've transitioned from adolescence into adulthood. Indeed, it seems like adolescence can last well into the 20s and 30s. However, when we're grown up enough to have kids, our deepest intuitions usually let us know.
Are you enraged at the sound of a child crying?
Every now and then, it's likely that you find yourself in the same room as a wailing baby. No one would say that the sound is a pleasant one, but some people really despise it. If your instinct is to make angry faces at a baby when you hear it cry, maybe you should figure that out before having kids.
Is your professional life on the fast track?
If you're slaying it at work, your professional life might be advancing exponentially in a very short amount of time. If you're planning to throw a kid in the mix during this period, you'll probably have to sort your way through a hectic, scattered lifestyle.
Is there a support system there for you once the baby arrives?
As much as we prepare ourselves for parenthood, there's no doubt that life's obstacles often force us to call upon the help of others. It's important to have a back-up support system of family and/or friends to help with the kid in times of need.
How much do you care what others think?
Being a parent means putting much of yourself aside, and that also includes your image in the eyes of others. You won't be able to pay proper attention to your child if you spend a lot of your time thinking about what others think of you. A good parent is self-assured, if only for their child.
Do you feel like being a parent would put a halt to your dreams?
Maybe you're the type of person with astronomical ambitions that take a lot of time and preparation to meet. If so, depending on where you're at in meeting your goals, having a kid might mean putting your ambitions on the back-burner for now.
Do you feel like you're racing against the clock?
The hard truth is that, in terms of age, there's a sweet spot to having kids. Broadly speaking, 20s and 30s are prime age groups for starting a family. That said, if you're only thinking of having kids because you won't be able to have them forever, you might have to think things through.
Are you annoyed/bored when you're around kids?
Even people who aren't great around kids can become good parents. After all, your relationship with your child is vastly different from your relationship with other children. However, if the only thing you can think about when you're around kids is getting the hell out of there, you might not be ready for parenthood.
How attached are you to your social life in its current form?
What your social life looks like before you have kids is total history after the babies come. Sure, you'll keep seeing the good folks in your life every now and then, but you'll mostly be working and/or spending time with your family. How does that sound?
Do your addictions control your life?
A lot of us have fallen prey to certain forms of addiction, whether it's food, drugs, television or almost anything else. Some parents manage their addictions well enough to properly raise their kids, others don't. Do your addictions control you?
Do you own or rent your place?
This ties back into financial security. If you're renting your home, you're basically putting chunks of money right in your landlord's pocket every month. If you have a mortgage, however, you're working to build a more stable future for you and your family.
How often do you get inebriated?
You know what we're talking about. We're not sure what your poison is, but we can bet that you like to get a little schloozy every now and then. That's fine, but it's not quite as fine when a parent gets wasted too often to be alert and present around their kids.
How well do you handle conflict with your SO?
Every couple gets into an argument every now and then, which is normal. However, the scale of arguments tend to differ - some are rational conversations meant to sort stuff out, while others are absolute scream-offs. If your arguments are screaming competitions, maybe work on that before having kids.
Is there a lot of emotional baggage that you need to take care of?
We have no doubt that you're carrying remnants of old emotions around, just like we are. However, if you feel super weighed down by that baggage, you should work on clearing that out before you think about starting a family.
Are you ready for a huge, huge change in your life?
If you didn't already get the idea, parenting presents a huge, huge change to a person's life. Really, it's like night & day. Think long and hard about what your life might look like when you have a kid: is that the life you want?
Are you thinking about starting a family as a "last resort" to get your life together?
Some people, in hopes of finally reaching the plateau that will change their life for the better forever, have a kid as a means to activate their full potential. Let us tell you what this idea is: silly and selfish.
Do you love yourself?
Before you can deliver the kind of love that a baby needs, you first need to have that love within you and around you. Basically, if you don't fully love yourself, you can't fully love anyone else. Do you love yourself?
Do you feel ready?
Despite what your friends, parents, and even us faithful quizmasters tell you, only you know when you're ready to have kids. Take all things - and we do mean all things - into consideration, and ask yourself: are you ready to start a family?
Do you think your partner will make a good parent?
It’s one thing to love your partner, but if you’re thinking of having a kid, the next few decades of your life will be a lot easier for everyone involved if both of you are good at raising kids. When you picture your partner as a parent, how do you project their performance?
