The Two-Minute Quiz Every Millennial Will Fail. Can You Pass It?
- by Will Morgan
- – on
- in Entertainment
If you consider yourself a millennial, you should move along right now because you won't pass this quiz. Seriously. It's not for you. Everything else seems to be these days - but not this quiz.
You guys are in the news constantly. There are articles about how they're killing chain restaurants. There are segments about how they're disrupting the travel industry. There are think pieces blaming the previous generations for the mess millennials have to deal with. Well, it's time for a reality check, millennial generation. Nobody likes you. In fact, everybody hates you. The only people who like millennials are millennials, and even some of them are on the fence. It's obvious to anyone paying attention that the generation right before millennials was the greatest. That's right, people born in the early to mid-'80s are where it's at! They had the best pop culture, games, sports, and cartoons.
So, in an attempt to extend an olive branch, here's a chance for all millennials to go out and study up on the greatest generation. Then, once you know all about Saved By The Bell and Fresh Prince, you can come back here and see if you can pass this quiz. This quiz was scientifically designed so that it can be passed only by non-millennials and mid-'80s to mid-'90s pop culture historians. Everyone else, don't waste your time.
What The Heck Are These?
Way, way back in the olden days, the '90s, those computer contraptions didn't have hundreds of gig-whatsits of memory, and the only clouds were the ones in the sky or the ones coming out of that band kid's van. If you wanted to save files, you had to move them to one of these bad boys, pop it out of your computer, then pray you didn't lose it. That's right! You could actually lose files forever! That's just the way it was, and dagnabit, we liked it.
Who's This Dude?
Teenagers and pre-teens are pretty much contractually obligated to be dumb. How else can we explain our teenage crushes on what was once a teen heartthrob? Some kid with a weird thing about them shows up on a TV show - next thing you know, he's on every magazine cover and plastered on kids' bedroom walls all over America. This little dude here was huge. He had a hit TV show with THE Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor! He was the voice of Simba in the Lion King! And he probably had some more impressive stuff as well.
What's The Name Of The MySpace Dude?
Social media is pretty ubiquitous today. But a long time ago, people had no way of following every boring detail of people they barely knew and didn't really care for. All that changed when MySpace arrived on the scene. Well, actually all that changed when Friendster arrived on the scene, but no one cares about Friendster. MySpace was huge. There were even debates at school over what was better, MySpace or Facebook. MySpace allowed you to force people to listen to a song when your page loaded, so of course, they won.
What Is This A Picture Of?
If you were of mall-going age in the mid-'90s, you know what this dumb thing is. Every mall in America had a kiosk of these Magic Eye paintings surrounded by confused people crossing their eyes, trying not to get a headache or have a seizure, and saying "I don't see it. Do you see it?" This would continue until one kid says he sees it, and then everyone else is like "Oh yeah! I see it, too!" But they didn't see it. *Sigh* They didn't see it.
What Numbers Did You Press To Call Back Who Called You Last?
Ha ha ha! We're getting to the tough ones now. Look at that phone. Notice anything missing? How about CALLER ID? Caller ID is a newfangled invention. We didn't all grow up with smartphones that tell us who's calling. No. We just had to answer and hope it wasn't a teacher or a perv or a pervy teacher. And if someone called you and hung up? You may never find out who it was! The best you could do was dial these numbers to call whoever just called you to try and find out.
What Show Did Nickelodeon's Green Slime Originate On?
We all remember Nickelodeon's green slime, right? If not, don't worry about it; you're just going to get this question wrong. To catch you up, Nickelodeon used to have this thing where if you said "I don't know," you got slimed. It was funny back in the day. This was before comedy was officially invented. Anyway, it all started on this really creepy sketch comedy show from Canada. It was basically just a bunch of weird-looking kids getting slimed. Ahh, the good old days!
What Were These Little Stuffed Animals Called?
Not everything was hunky dory in the early to the mid-'90s. For instance, there was a terrible scourge of these dumb little stuffed animals that everyone thought they had to own for some reason. People claimed they were collectible. And sure enough, some rare ones sold on eBay for a lot of money. But just because some morons overpaid for them doesn't make them cool. Also, there were collectible sets of them. People just had to track down each one to complete their collection. Ugh. You win this round, millennials.
What's The Name Of This Bad Boy?
Oh man. This right here used to be the hottest cell phone on the market! Paris Hilton herself said this phone was hot on an episode of The Simple Life! If you're a dang millennial, that last sentence was probably complete gibberish. Cell phones used to be big, indestructible bricks. With this phone, humanity took a huge leap forward to a more sleek, stylish, and easily breakable cell phone. It's like the missing link between a Nokia and an iPhone.
What Are These Awesome Things?
Okay, so you probably looked at the picture here and said to yourself, "Wow! What an awesome collection of cool things!" So, it's obvious that what we're dealing with is something only the most rad kids had. But do you remember what they're called? They were part of a game that you put the on the ground, and you had a slammer that you'd slam on them, and then someone would win somehow. They came in a ton of sweet varieties. They even had Alf!
What Was This Set Of Books Called?
Now, before you say that this question is too easy because the name is printed right on the spine, slow your roll. That's the brand name, bro. The question isn't asking for the brand name, which, in this case, is Britannica. So, if you said that, you're wrong and should go sit in the corner and think about your actions. These books were in every freaking house and even had people selling them door-to-door. They've been replaced by the internet.
What's The Butler's Name On The Fresh Prince?
Before Will Smith was making really dumb Oscar-bait movies where he learns an important lesson, he was a huge action star. And before he was a huge action star punching aliens and battling giant robot spiders in the old west, he was a rapper. And sometime after he was a rapper but before he was an action star, he starred in The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. It was about a kid from Philly who went to live with rich relatives. They had a butler. What was his name?
Fill In The Missing Word In This Song Title: 2 ___ 2 Quit.
The year was 1991. The world was a different place. The sun was brighter. Food was sweeter. The grass was greener. Mc Hammer was a cultural icon, and all was right with the world. Seriously, it was a good year. If that was before you were born, you're probably annoying and you wouldn't have liked it anyway. Hammer had hit after hit after hit. And that's actually true; he had three hits. This song even had hand signals that went with it, so you know it was good.
What Band Was Justin Timberlake In?
These days, everyone knows Justin Timberlake as the dude who saved humanity by traveling to the dark side and bringing sexy back. He's also Jimmy Fallon's giggle buddy. But before that, he was the cute one in a boy band. He and his bandmates' pics were plastered all over the inside of school lockers. Oh, and remember when he dated Britney? That was truly a love that I thought would last forever. Oh, well. It was just too beautiful for this world.
What's This Fellow The Logo Of?
Oh, man! That's an iconic logo from back in the day. If you don't recognize it, that means you're too young. And if you're too young, you shouldn't be drinking. Also, it's like 2 in the afternoon. Get some help, man. We're all worried about you. So, long ago, people didn't text each other constantly. I mean, we did on nights and weekends because we had unlimited texts and minutes then. It was a different time. We had several platforms used for quick communication. This guy was from one of them.
What Did Hulk Hogan Call His Fans?
Millennials just don't know about Hulk Hogan. Sure, a select few may have caught some wrestling here and there. They may have seen some Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock in the Attitude era. Or more recently, they saw a John Cena match or two. But they just don't know about the immortal one, Hulk Hogan. He preached to kids to say their prayers and eat their vitamins. I mean, if that's not a great role model, then I don't know what is.
What Show Was Frasier Spun Off From?
Every generation has some weird old sitcom that they grow up watching. It was probably on when you were really young, but then, it went into syndication, and you saw reruns of it on Nick At Nite every day after school. This has been a constant throughout history. Well, not history from before Nick At Nite, I guess, but that's like super old. In conducting my extremely scientific research, I found millennials grew up watching Frasier. But did they know Frasier was a spin-off? I don't know. I didn't ask them.
What Show Did Jimmy Kimmel previously Host?
Jimmy Kimmel is known worldwide these days as the late-night host who's not Jimmy Fallon or the fat British guy. He also goes on fiery political rants and has a baby. But did you know that before he was the kinda king of what's left of late night television, he was the co-host of a cheap Comedy Central show? Did I just blow your mind? No? Well, don't just sit there and rub it in. Answer the stupid question, and move on.
If Your Nintendo Cartridge Isn't Working, What Do You Do To Fix It?
Say what you will about those old school Nintendo cartridges; they were bulky, they had lame graphics, you couldn't save most of the time, etc. I hear all those complaints and counter with this: no load time, no downloadable content - the whole game is there when you buy it. Point goes to old school. The thing with these cartridges was sometimes, they didn't work. But we had a solution - a solution that every kid instinctively knew to do to get the game to play. What was it?
What's The Goonies Motto?
What's that? You've never heard of The Goonies? The single greatest film of all time that helped define an entire generation? Pfft. Your loss. So many of today's top stars got their start in this classic film: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Corey Something, other people. Oh, and there's a racist depiction of an Asian kid who makes gadgets. It was a different time. Racism was acceptable and funny back then. We've come a long way. But everything else back then, besides the racism and misogyny, was cooler.
What Was The Name Of The OG File-Sharing Service?
Before there were hundreds of thousands streaming music services offering monthly subscriptions, there was illegal file downloading. Sometime after big record labels made buckets of money from CDs and before they started leaching money from you with subscriptions, we, the consumers, stole so much from them, they thought they might go out of business. It was a glorious time. The originator of this chaos was even sued by those heavy metal bad boys Metallica. Lawsuits are extremely metal. Rock on.
What Guys Do TLC Not Want?
When some people hear the letters TLC, they immediately think of Tender Loving Care. But for the non-millennials amongst us, it will always stand for T-Boz, Chili, and Left Eye. The lovely ladies of TLC were a hit-making machine back in the '90s. They told us not to chase waterfalls. They let us know about creeps. I can't think of too many more. And, of course, there was that one were they explained what kind of guy they have no love for.
What's The Name Of This Amazing Fried-Onion Appetizer At Chili's?
For most decent red-blooded Americans, the first thing they think of when someone mentions chain-restaurant royalty Chili's is how they want their baby back baby back baby back ribs and barbecue sauce. But a close second is this glorious appetizer. There's one at Outback Steakhouse, but it's not the same - mainly because, at Chili's, you can get chips and queso as well. Word on the street is that you stinking millennials are killing chain restaurants. Well, leave Chili's out of this, jerks!
What's The Name Of The SNL Adam Sandler Character That Sings Opera Music?
What you're about to read may shock you, so brace yourself. Adam Sandler used to be hilarious. Shut up. It's true. Back when he was on Saturday Night Live (his was the best cast, by the way) he would appear on Weekend Update with a different character each week and slay. Then, when he left to do his own thing, he made all-time classic films like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. Look past his current output, and learn your cinema history, millennial.
Who Played The Joker In The 1989 Batman Movie?
Poor old Joker. This clown prince of mayhem started his cinematic journey so strong. Well, as long as you don't count the 1966 Batman movie. Cesar Romero was cool, but that joker had a make-up mustache. In 1989, Tim Burton released the best Batman movie, and in it was the quintessential version of the Joker. Sure, a few years later, Chris Nolan would come along, and Heath Ledger would mope his way to a "Sorry You're Dead" best-supporting-actor Oscar for his lame version. But Heath can't hold a candle to the man with the Smilex. Oh, and for the sake of argument, I'm imagining that Jared Leto doesn't exist.
Who Was Attacked By A Thug Sent By Tonya Harding Right Before The 1994 Winter Olympics?
Tonya Harding wanted Olympic gold but didn't think she could beat this woman, her closest competition on Team USA. So, her husband and her bodyguard hired a goon to break this lady's leg. He hit her thigh, only leaving a deep bruise. She recovered in time for the Olympics, where she took silver and Harding took 8th. Margot Robbie stars in a movie about this and thought it was fiction because she was a filthy millennial. This whole thing is probably the most '90s paragraph ever written on this site.