Take This 60-Second Survey And We'll Tell You If You Should Have Kids
- by Tim Frederick
- – on
- in Lifestyle
Having kids is one of the biggest responsibilities in the world, yet one that comes with virtually no qualifications or oversight. You don't need to be mentally examined to see if you're actually fit to raise kids, nor do you need to be tested on the ins and outs of parenting before you're granted a license to bear children.
As draconian as such measures would be (and virtually impossible to enforce), the world could actually benefit from a dose of treating child bearing more as a privilege than a right. It's undeniable that many parents simply aren't fit to have children and in hindsight, may not have wanted to have children in the first place. Their resentment over their situation is then often directed towards their child, when they have no one to blame but themselves.
In this quiz, we've put together what we believe is a good test of a person's personality, life goals, and life situation, with the ultimate goal being to determine whether they should ever have kids; or at the very least, have kids right now, as people and their situations and priorities can definitely change over time.
If you're unsure about whether being a parent is right for you, this quiz has the answer!
How Important is Money to You?
It may not seem like a big deal as you go along, but when you think about the costs in a broader sense, they're pretty staggering. Raising a child costs over $200,000 according to estimates, or over $10,000 per year. That's a lot of extra money with which you could be living a more comfortable life.
Do You Actually Like Kids?
This may seem like a silly question, but plenty of people get pregnant because the allure of parenthood draws them in without them really considering if they actually like kids and want to have and raise one. Of course you'll love your kid, regardless of whether you like kids in general, but if you don't like kids, you certainly won't get the same enjoyment out of parenthood as parents who do.
How Much Do You Value Your Freedom?
We ask because once you have kids, it's basically gone. For the rest of your life you have a tether that will forever be tied around your ankle. Your life is no longer your own once you've taken on the permanent role of parent and guardian. While it's easy to dismiss that after you've just had 5 years of partying through college and travelling through Europe, you may come to regret your lost freedom sooner than you think.
Are You Prepared to Take the Blame if Someone Else's Life Turns Out Crummy?
If your child turns out anything less than spectacular, guess who gets the blame for their shortcomings? Yep, their parents. Either you gave them too much love, or not enough. Too much discipline or not enough. Too much freedom or not enough. You just can't win, and deserved or not, many children come to resent their parents for these perceived (or real) faults in raising them.
Are You Happy With Your Relationship?
There's a false perception among many that children are a great thing for a relationship. However, studies show otherwise. The stress of raising a child and clashes over how to do so often tears relationships apart. It doesn't help that many relationships are already on their last legs before a child is brought into it with the hope that the child hail-mary will save it.
How Much Do You Like Sex?
You've probably heard that children ruin their parents' sex lives and probably dismissed it. After all, you're different. You can overcome those obstacles that most others have tripped and crashed over and maintain an active sex life. Easy to say now, when sex is life; a lot harder to put into practice when you're exhausted every day and all you want to do is sleep.
Are You Prepared to Deal With Sleep Loss?
Speaking of sleep, do you like that? Because you're going to be losing a lot of it too. And research has suggested that those lost hours of sleep are something you can never get back, as you build up a "sleep debt" that can never be paid off. And those lost hours of sleep take a toll on your health, for the rest of your life.
Is Having Your Own Kid So Important That You're Willing to Contribute to Global Overpopulation?
It's not exactly as if the world NEEDS more kids right now. The global population is expected to climb to over 10 billion by the end of this century, a threshold that some scientists have warned could be the breaking point for the planet in terms of its human-carrying capacity. And while one child may not seem like much, that one child could quickly spawn dozens of progeny within just two-to-three generations.
Are You Concerned About Global Warming?
Just a single child carries a huge carbon footprint, especially children born in Canada and the United States, which are two of the biggest CO2 emitters in the world on a per capita basis. In fact, a recent study from a Swedish university declared that having a child is one of the most destructive things a person can do to the environment. To make up for that one little CO2-emitting rascal, parents would have to plant about 1,000 trees.
Do You Like to Travel?
If you like travelling, a child isn't the ideal thing to have in your life. Not only do you have to largely give up your globe-trotting ways during their infancy, but even after they've grown up and can join you on your journeys, those trips will be a lot more expensive and less enjoyable, as they'll need to be taken during peak travel periods (school holidays).
Do You Need Personal Space/Free Time?
If you like having time to yourself, a kid is really the last thing you need. One study showed that working mothers had an average of just one hour of free time for themselves each day, while working women without kids (who also make a lot more money than their child-raising female co-workers) had nearly 2 1/2 hours of free time daily (and more money to enjoy that free time).
Ladies, Do You Like Your Body? / Men, Do You Like Your Woman's Body?
Child bearing does irreparable harm to a woman's body and even her health, causing a great deal of oxidative stress. A mother can get back into shape and still look great, but above and beneath the surface, permanent damage has been done and accelerated aging is now underway, which intensifies with each child borne. A woman's breasts are rarely the same after childbirth, becoming smaller and saggier, and her abs may become lost to her forever.
How Much Do You Love Your Pets?
While children and pets can live together in harmony, they're not always a good match. Having a baby around and the entire dynamic of the home shifting through that can cause a lot of stress for animals, who may not always be able to deal with it in a good way. Cats or dogs may become jealous of the attention being lavished on a child and may even begin to act aggressively towards it, which could force you to have to give them up.
Is Your Career a Priority to You?
If you've invested heavily in your career and want to see it achieve the most success, having a child is probably not the route to take, specifically if you work at a large corporation. A company of that stature tends to want career-oriented people in their upper ranks, ones who are fully devoted to the company and its prosperity. But then, Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer has 3 kids, so it is possible to do both (if you're Wonderwoman).
Do You Have Alcohol or Drug Addiction Issues?
If one or both parents have addiction issues to alcohol or drugs, a baby could be at risk of developmental harm, particularly if the mother is drinking or doing drugs during her pregnancy. Even that aside, parents with addiction issues are unlikely to make for very good parents. Better to not bring a child into that mess.
Are You Prepared to Have to Make Friends With Other Parents?
Becoming a parent brings with it a whole new lifestyle, including attending baby events and meeting other new parents through that. Eventually, your child will become friends with other kids as well, which will necessitate being on friendly terms with those kids' parents. If you're worried about having enough friendships as it is, well, we have some bad news on that front coming up.
How Much Empathy Do You Have?
Empathy is an extremely important trait to have when you're trying to deal with children. As an adult, you're not exactly going to have a lot in common with a young kid, nor are you like to remember what it was like to be that young yourself. Thus, the ability to empathize and understand the thoughts and feelings of a young human are vital to reacting to them appropriately and building a positive relationship.
Are You Still a Child Yourself?
Some people simply don't mature until later into adulthood than others and are prone to making the same rash decisions and acting on their emotions in the same way that teenagers do. As hard as it is for this group of people to think about the future (because again, rashness), they should seriously considering waiting to make a decision on parenthood until they've taken that next step in maturity.
How Patient Are You?
Ask any parent what you need more than anything to deal with and raise children and a lot of them will surely answer patience. Lots and lots of patience. Like, so much patience that you can't even run out of patience reading all this prattling about patience. Are you impatient yet? No? How about now? Bet that patience is really starting to run short now...any minute now...
Do You Feel Obligated to Have a Child?
Many people can feel pressured to have children by their family, friends, or society at large, and may even feel like something is wrong with them if they don't have a child. Thus, they go against their own instincts and wishes and have children to appease others and feel normal. If this is the driving emotion behind a person's desire to have children, they should give it more time and thought and make sure that's what they really want.
Do You See Children As a Means of Carrying On Your Legacy?
Some parents have children for completely narcissistic reasons, being that they want a part of themselves to carry on after their demise. These parents are often strict in how they raise their children and take little pleasure in doing so (and the children are usually miserable as well), with their primary ambition being to create a younger, more perfect version of themselves.
Do You Have a Mental Disorder?
While it's not a given that mental disorders will be passed on to children, there is a link between both genetic and environmental factors in the formation of mental disorders. Notably, a child is at greater risk of developing the same mental disorder as their parents than a child whose parents do not have that disorder is. So depending on what you've gone through with your condition, you may not want to risk passing that onto another person.
Do You Like Your Current Childless Friends?
As mentioned earlier, you'll likely have to become friends with other parents after having a child, which may not be so bad, as they'll replace your lost friendships. Yes, it's bound to happen. Over 50% of mothers reported losing friendships after having a child, primarily those friends who are still childless and living a different lifestyle.
Do You Think This World is Worth Bringing a Kid Into?
As much as you may want to have a kid, one should definitely ask themselves if this is actually a world they want to bring a child into. After all, if you believe the world is spiraling into madness and global conflict, is that a world you want your child to have to live in? On the other hand, if you think the future looks bright for the planet and humanity, then you should have little reservations on that front about having a child.
What Do You Think of Minivans?
Hope you don't like your sports car too much, because unless you can afford to own two vehicles, a baby means bye bye bye to that automotive ode to your former freedom. In its place will rise a clunky sedan or minivan, big enough to house baby seats and eventually gaggles of kids on their way to soccer practice.
