Spend A Billion Dollars And Get A Celebrity BFF
- by Michelle_Sanders
- – on
- in Entertainment
According to the mathematical equation first discovered by The Notorious B.I.G., "mo' money" equals "mo' problems." Time and time again, this formula has proven to be accurate. Having a bunch of zeros in one's bank account has its benefits. We mean, who wouldn't want to be able to just buy whatever they want, whenever they want, without worrying if their checks will bounce? That sounds amazing! But, still, we can't deny that having a lot of money does seem to attract no end of trouble.
With the accumulation of wealth comes a steady rise in one's quality of life, but having more money also raises the stakes to heights the money-haver might never have seen before—and not only does having money raise the stakes, it keeps them high. Living in that perpetual state of risk? It's bound to come with complications.
Deep down, we know that money won't solve all of our problems, and that it will, in all likelihood, land us in even more hot water one way or another...but we would still like the opportunity to try to disprove that theory. We may not be rich, but we can pretend, right? So, step right up! Spend a billion dollars and get a celebrity BFF in return.
Pick a place to live
Rich birds of a feather tend to flock together, but some wealthy aristocrats prefer a more solitary existence. Where you live as a billionaire is totally up to you. Assuming you had the financial freedom to go wherever you wanted, where would you go? Which of the following cities sounds like it would be the most fun to live in?
Buy a fancy house
Everybody needs a place to live—yes, even rich people. Since you've got a billion dollars to blow however you see fit, what better way to spend it than on a fabulous house? 'Course, you don't want to spend *all* of your money just yet, so limit your budget to a modest one million. Which home sounds best?
Pick an extra room
Your house is just like any other house, really (except it's bigger and fancier and it has all of the latest technology and, well, it's pretty much better in every single respect). It's got bedrooms, a kitchen, bathrooms, a living room, etc, etc. But what you need as a billionaire is something that sets your abode apart.
Choose an outdoor feature
Of course, you won't be spending all of your time inside your home, no matter how rad it is. Reach into your bottomless wallet and pull out some more bills, enough to pay for a really cool outdoor feature. Who wouldn't want to spend all their time lounging around outside with one of these cool things?
Get an exotic pet
Look, what's the point in having all of that money if you can't flaunt it a little every once in a while? Now, to us, the best way to show off your wealth would be by investing in an exotic pet. Nothing says "I'm rich" like owning an animal you have to get a license for.
Pick a car, any car
As a billionaire, you live in the lap of luxury, and the lap of luxury? Well, it's pretty darn comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, that you never want to leave it, not even when you have to venture away from home. What you need is an expensive sports vehicle. They're flashy, they're fast, they're comfy. Total win.
Choose a ridiculous exercise class to attend
Fire up that new car of yours and head uptown. Where, you ask? Why, to your exercise class, of course! Rich people love to stay fit, since they don't have to bother with silly things like "having a 9 to 5 job", so they're always staying on top of the latest fitness trends. Which sounds best?
Buy a gold-plated food
Ever look at a piece of gold and thought to yourself, "Mm! That looks delicious!" Yeah, neither have we, but if you're serious about spending a billion dollars here, then you'll just have to choose something that's been plated in an expensive, investment metal to eat. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.
Enjoy a strange spa treatment
Now that you have LITERALLY EATEN GOLD like some kind of rich monster, there's only one thing left to do: blow even more of your money on strange but trendy stuff. A newfangled spa treatment fits that bill just fine. Head to your favorite spa for a special day. Which weird treatment sounds the most relaxing?
Buy something completely unnecessary and ridiculous
The best thing about having a billion dollars, besides for everything, is that you have a lot of money to blow through before you even have to think about being responsible. That means you can buy lots of useless crap, hooray! Take some of that cash and buy something you really don't need, but that sounds amazeballs anyway.
Splurge on some expensive jewelry
Hmm. We just noticed that the word "bling" rhymes with the word "ka-ching". Coincidence? We think not! Since these two words rhyme, and sine you have so much money it's not even funny (another couple of rhyming words, there), you need to stop by a jewelry store and pick up something extra fancy. What is it?
Buy a designer handbag and/or wallet
One of the problems that comes with having "mo' money" is having to figure out how to tote it all. You can't just traipse around with burlap sacks with "$" painted on them. That would be ridiculous! What you need is the latest in designer handbags and/or wallets. Choose a designer to patronize.
Pick a place to vacation
All of that money spending and all of that not working. It gets exhausting. Having more money than you know what to do with can be quite fatiguing, so you could use a little rest. Pick a vacation destination to set off to. Which gorgeous city sounds like it has the most to offer?
Buy the latest gadget
Technology is constantly evolving. The leaders in the industry are coming out with new gadgets nearly everyday, and these gadgets, while they're impressive, are far from inexpensive. Luckily, money isn't an issue for you, so you can splurge on the latest doodads and gizmos whenever you want! Which piece of technology will you buy, you billionaire, you?
Buy something big to travel around the globe
Sadly, the one thing money can't buy is magic, which means that you can't just snap your fingers and be right where you want to be. That's not how traveling, or technology, works. So, it looks like you'll just have to spend some more of your limitless cash on a fancy way to travel the globe.
Pick a classic rich people hobby
According to the Ridiculous Rulebook of Unspoken Societal Standards, when you're rich, you never want to be seen earning your money, you only want to be seen spending it. The world can't know how you obtain your wealth, it can only know that you have plenty of it. Why? *Shrugs* Anyway, best way to prove you have lots of money is by engaging in a rich people exclusive sport.
Purchase a famous piece of art
Billionaires love to have private art collections. Know who else would love to have private art collections? People who aren't billionaires. It's so sad that these people will never know the exquisite pleasures of art ownership. You weep for them, but you're able to dry your tears with your dollar bills, right before using them to pay for one of these works of art.
Buy some designer shades
You know, money aside, rich people and not-so-rich people are all the same. We all have the same desires, like living comfortably, pursuing our dreams and looking cool. The thing that separates the rich from the not-so-rich is that the rich can afford to obtain these things. Obtain something cool now. Pick a designer to buy some shades fom.
Buy a fancy pants cocktail
When you don't have a bunch of zeros in your checking account and you drink during the day, it's called "having a problem". But when you've got plenty of cash in the bank, day drinking is "fashionable" and "sophisticated". Live in a raging state of denial now. Choose a fancy cocktail to drink with your pinky finger held high in the air.
Join an exlusive club
Nothing says "exclusive" like a club. The secretive nooks and crannies of society really open up their elusive doors to you (sort of) when you're rich, and since you're rich and have no need to waste your time working, then it just makes sense to join some frilly members-only club. Which one is right up your alley?
Choose a community organization to support
Rich people may do a whole lot of caricatureistic stuff, but they're not *all* highfalutin nonsense and aristocratic shenaniganery. The immensely wealthy often use their immense wealth support various community organizations to help their town/city/wherever they live get a leg up. Which place would you most like to lend a helping money hand to?
Pick an oddly specific charity to support
Supporting your community was a good start, to be sure, but it still isn't enough. You've got to prove how much you love everyone and everything by investing even more of your debatably hard-earned money by helping out a charity. And, since you're rich, you may as well make said charity as oddly specific as possible.
Attend an event
Alright, okay, that's enough donating your money for now. Can't waste it all on other people, right? If you did that, then there wouldn't be any left for you! It's been at least five minutes since you spent money on yourself, you can't possibly make it any longer without dressing up and attending a fancy-pants rich people event.
Buy an expensive dinner
For realsies now, you guys. No matter how rich you get in life, food will always be amazing. But when you have a little more cash in your designer handbag, that food will be a little more amazing...er. Amazingest? Ah, who cares. Rich people don't need no stinkin' grammar no how. Anyway, buy yourself a delicious dinner. What's on the menu tonight?
Pick a theme to throw a lavish party
What's the point in being wealthy if you can't party like it's 1999 sometimes? You've spent a lot of money today, but your bank account is barely breaking a sweat, so spend a little more of your dough to throw a lavish party for all of your other wealthy friends. Pick a theme for your rich people shindig.
