Pick Your Favorite Alien Movies And We'll Guess If You're Scully Or Mulder
- by Edward Cambro
- – on
- in Movies and TV
You know what’s really fun? Science fiction. You know what is somehow still around? The X-Files, which is also science fiction (or “speculative fiction” as creator Chris Carter at his most pretentious). Over eleven seasons, two movies, thousands of tie-in novels and comics and assorted merchandise, we’ve come to know Mulder and Scully like they were members of our family who we don’t mind seeing for the holidays. Admittedly, Mulder would likely ruin the event with his detached observations and megalomaniacal cosmology that always requires him to be at the center of attention. And poor Scully would be sitting there, just pouring another glass of wine, hoping to fall asleep on the car ride home when Mulder is still babbling about what a stuck-up prick her brother Bill is. Geez, won’t he ever forgive Mulder for getting their sister Melissa killed because of his alien crusade? That was way back in like 1993.
Okay, we’re getting off on a Mulder-esque ramble. The X-Files made its bones with its alien-heavy mytharc. With the bevy of sci-fi films out there featuring little gray men, we thought we’d have you take a quiz: Pick Your Favorite Alien Movies And We'll Guess If You're Scully Or Mulder. Now do it.
Fire in the Sky vs Signs
Like all of M. Night Shyamalan’s movies, Signs entertains you enough while you watch it, but doesn’t stand up to my scrutiny afterward. Fire in the Sky, meanwhile, is purportedly a true story about an alien abduction case from 1975. Both are “grounded” science-fiction stories that don’t hold up to common sense, so, hey, choose between them.
Alien vs. Aliens
The classic versus the sequel. The horror movie versus the actioner. Alien had Tom Skerritt. Aliens had Lance Henricksen. Ridley Scott and James Cameron have our money. You can argue for hours with your friends which movie is the better of the two despite being largely on opposite ends of the genre spectrum, but let’s cut the crap and have you answer the question with no judgement.
Star Kid vs. Flight of the Navigator
They’re practically the same movie as it is. Young kid that makes Wesley Crusher look like John Wayne encounters an alien AI thing that teaches him responsibility and confidence and that you should never trust the government. There’s a love interest or something, and some CGI, and it all ends on a heartwarming note. So, which do you prefer?
Space Jam vs Avatar
Space Jam doesn’t quite live up to our memories of it, but that isn’t to say it’s lost all its charm. Avatar, well, was much better when it was called Fern Gully and wasn’t 11 hours long. That said, it’s still an amazing leap forward from a technical standpoint. The two movies don’t have very much in common, but variety is the spice of life, isn’t it?
Dune vs Stargate
One launched the career of David Lynch. The other launched the longest running science-fiction series in television history. Both remain beloved franchises that never quite received mainstream acknowledgement that Star Trek or Star Wars did. Unsurprisingly, both Dune and Stargate have been long rumored for reboots, with Trek’s Zoe Saldana calling Dune a passion project for her.
Battleship vs Predators
The tale of two forgotten movies. Battleship was a movie we never expected to be good—and we were right. Something about board games becoming films never does sit well with audiences. Also, it was crap. We didn’t expect much from Predators either, though the few who saw the film seemed to like it well enough.
Battle: Los Angeles vs. Skyline
Well, this is a little awkward, isn’t it? These two LA-based sci-fi films are connected in a strange way. Sony believed that Skyline was a rip-off film that was made to compete with their Battle: Los Angeles. Apparently, the Strause brothers, who worked on the film, used the money they made to create Skyline. However, what we should focus on is that neither movie was good.
Prometheus vs. Alien Covenant
Oh, those crazy Alien prequels. Will they ever work it out? Well, given that it looks like the planned sequels have been cancelled, we’re guessing no. Ridley Scott’s return to the franchise he birthed wasn’t quite what we were expecting. His desire to do something new with the well-tread Alien series was met with hostility and confusion. That rarely happens with fandom, though, so don’t worry about it.
The Day the Earth Stood Still vs. Invasion of the Body Snatchers
There’s a lot to love in these movies—and we’re talking about the classic originals and not the vapid and wasteful remakes. Both films tell timeless tales of hope for the future and the fear of the unknown. Damnit, look, we’re running out of time here, so these are the basics: robots and pod people.
Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan vs Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Khan and Empire stand as two of the most beloved sci-fi films of all time. Influential and timeless, their stories and effects manage to hold up even today. The similar films are both sequels that take their franchises in darker directions with massive twists at the end. While we prefer Wrath of Khan, you may feel differently, but don’t worry, we won’t let our biases negatively affect your outcome. Probably. Maybe.
Alien vs. Predator
Okay, we don’t mean the crossover films series—we mean the originals. 1979’s Alien and 1987’s Predator. Ripley versus Dutch. Alien versus Predator. The oppressive heat of the jungle versus the austere claustrophobia of a spaceship. It’s true, in space no one can hear you scream, but on Earth, everyone can see your franchise run out of ideas.
Superman vs. Guardians of the Galaxy
Let’s not forget the superheroes. Plenty of aliens there. Back in the day, Superman ran the world (when he didn’t spin it in reverse to change history). Christopher Reeve’s nerdy rendition of Supes can be a bit much, but the kindness and nobility ring true. Guardians is from Marvel. It’s louder and leans heavier on gags, managing to be campier today than the 70s Superman. It’s a weird world.
Battlefield Earth vs The Transformers (1986)
We’d sit through a dozen Battlefield Earth screenings and sequels if it meant that we could erase Optimus Prime’s death from the ’86 movie and keep Rodimus Prime’s reign of stupidity from ever happening. That said, it’s still, by far the best Transformers movie ever made. Not even its worst scenes can be as bad as Battlefield Earth’s best (which, incidentally, is its ending credits).
Edge of Tomorrow vs. Oblivion
These two Tom Cruise alien invasion movies came out a year between each other. You know, for all the crap we lay on his doorstep for his weirdness and the whole L. Ron thing, Cruise is still doing a lot of his own stunts in a lot of action movies 55. Good on him. Anyway, Edge of Tomorrow is a damn fine movie, and Oblivion isn’t terrible.
ET vs. Close Encounters
These two movies feature Steven Spielberg at his whimsical best. Seeing these two movies, you really understand why JJ Abrams has been stealing paying homage to him all these years. There are plenty of malevolent aliens in science fiction. It’s a nice change of pace to have benevolent ones once in a while. Brings back a sense of wonder we had about space travel.
Independence Day: Resurgence vs. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Choosing between these two movies isn’t so much about picking your favorite; it’s more like picking the least painful. Either way, it’s going to be unpleasant, so it’s just about choosing what type of unpleasantness is coming your way.
The Transformers (Michael Bay) vs Pacific Rim
It’s a noisy mess of CGI and incomprehensible violence featuring big-ass robots and destruction porn. Are we describing The Transformers or Pacific Rim? We report, you decide. Now, you could say the Kaiju from Pacific Rim are just sea monsters from another dimension. However, we’re going to split that hair: they’re not from our dimension, so they’re alien.
Contact vs. K-Pax
Well, this only works if you think Prot really was an alien and not a crazy person or some obnoxious performance artist. In K-Pax, Prot is eccentric and curious and almost child-like. In Contact, the aliens are nurturing parental figures. Contact does have Matthew McConaughey in it, from before he scared the hell out of us in True Detective.
Power Rangers Triple Threat
Power Rangers is riddled with as many aliens as spandex suits and motorcycle helmets. Sure, the aliens tend to have alliterative and pun-heavy names, and if you didn’t know any better you’d say that it was just some poor schmuck in a costume, but damnit, a bunch of us grew up on the wonderful schlock.
Species vs Starship Troopers
How do you take your aliens? Sexy with a high probability of having sex with you and then killing you? Or just giant terrifying bugs? Sure, we’d all love to live in a psychosexual thriller or be the badass war hero in a movie, but we’re not going to let you do both.
2001 vs 2010
Most people probably don’t remember a sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey was even out there. It’s simply fallen off the face of the earth, which is unfortunate. While 2001 certainly didn’t need nor want a follow-up, 2010 is damn fine. It’s smart and new, and holds up to scrutiny. It even had the support of critics.
The Fifth Element vs. Valerian
The Fifth Element didn’t have Star Wars’ mysticism, Star Trek’s optimism, or Blade Runner’s pathos. It was gaudy, melodramatic and absurd. Luc Besson clearly had fun making the film and it’s hard not to go along and smile with him. Then, he tried it again with Valerian. If you didn’t see it, don’t worry, nobody did.
The Arrival (1996) vs. Arrival (2016)
Well, this won’t be confusing at all. Both of these films have a kind of X-Files feel to them, at least atmospherically. The Arrival sees Charlie Sheen as an astronomer (Jesus Christ!) who fights off the government trying to keep his discovery of alien life a secret. In Arrival, Amy Adams plays a brilliant linguist (certainly easier to digest), attempting to translate the signal of a recently arrived (tee-hee) alien species.
The Thing (1982) vs. They Live (1988)
Both of these are paranoid classics by horror luminary John Carpenter. The Thing sees a group of stranded Alaskan researchers as they try to stop an alien invasion before it happens, while said aliens take over their bodies. They Live sees a different alien species having already infiltrated the human race. The only thing left to save humanity? That’s right: Rowdy Roddy Piper and a pair of wayfarers.
Men in Black vs. Mars Attacks!
Both are action-comedies, though Mars Attacks is certainly more of a reflection of Tim Burton’s sensibilities that seems to satirize fame as much as it pay homage to sci-fi films of days on by. Men in Black is more by-the-book and procedural, focusing on a smaller cast of likable characters.
