Not Even The Coolest 90s Kids Will Ace This Pokémon Quiz
- by Edward Cambro
- – on
- in Movies and TV
At this point, a little more than twenty years since its original debut, it’s safe to say that there’s a Pokémon for everything. By the time Generation VIII arrives in the next few years, there will be approximately 1,000 Pokémon. There’s also a good chance that the franchise’s creators might embrace the old South Park joke and add a Pokémon called Shoe. As everyone taking this quiz is about to find out, that’s not that crazy of a possibility anymore; Generation XII introduced a Pokémon that’s a sword; Generation V introduced a Pokémon that’s a sentient garbage bag. And, yes, before anyone asks, both of them are on this quiz. Back in my day, it was hard enough to remember the names of the then-complete list of 151 Pokémon (which included evolutionary variants).
As of this writing, there are seven full generations and 20 years between then and now. This quiz is much about being a great memory exercise as it is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Pokémon from every generation make an appearance—some of the most famous, some of the most obscure, and some of the absolute silliest. Let’s see who still has what it takes to be a Master.
Name that Pokémon
This is the second form of this Pokémon’s evolution. As one of the original 150—and one of the three players had to choose from in the old Gameboy game—the names and forms of these Pokémon were all quite similar. The only difference in evolution would be a change in size and slight elaborations in design. This Pokémon is basically a sentient garden salad, though, if eaten, wouldn’t be entirely vegan. That’s why if used for food, he has to be dissected carefully.
Name that Pokémon
My three-year-old niece loves this Pokémon. I wouldn’t say it’s her favorite because she changes her mind very often. However, she does have a plushy of this creature that she dotes on. This Pokémon sings into what looks like a Chapstick tube or, well, perhaps some kind of “finger massager.” As for the song he sings—he’s not one of the Pokémon who speaks English, so he melodically repeats his name. It’s like "Tequila" by the Champs, for those playing this quiz above the age of 60.
Name that Pokémon
He’s a blue turtle that shoots water. He also fought ISIS thanks to Pokémon Go. It’s a long story. Look it up. Anyway, he’s another “original” Pokémon players can choose in the old Red and Blue games. Obviously, the Blue one was biased towards this cute little guy. He was also frequently seen in the show, sometimes wearing awesome sunglasses, because, well, there’s something intrinsically cool about this character and sunglasses. Put them together, and there’s magic.
Name that Pokémon
I once took a quiz that said I would be this Pokémon. Likely for the shared neuroses, perpetual hangover headaches and being generally unimpressed with the world around us. He was also one of my favorites as a kid, so that was a cool little moment. Anyway, look, he’s clearly a duck. He has psychic powers. This isn’t one of those cases where the Pokémon’s name is needlessly esoteric, or the design is a hodge-podge of random animals. No. It’s just a duck. With psychic powers. Take a wild guess.
Name that Pokémon
He’s the premiere character of the entire franchise. An icon. Even 20 years after the first games and the animated series debuted, this electric mouse/gerbil/groundhog/cat is still recognizable by anyone the world over from ages 3 to 80. While hardly a factor in the Gameboy games, he was Ash’s primary Pokémon in the animated series. His cuteness, bright color scheme and showy powers made him a bigger hit than any other human or Pokémon character in the franchise.
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Though, for my money, this Pokémon is cuter. He’s certainly more meme-able. Also, if by some derangement of evolution and physics Pokémon became real, he would be quite the commodity. In this first form of his evolutionary line, he’s a good companion for kids and can easily light cigarettes and help out at barbecues. He’s like a nifty addition to the pocket knife. Of course, as he evolves, well, the giant dragon is perfect for home defense to keep away burglars, gangs, and tax collectors.
Name that Pokémon
Remember the vege-beast at the beginning of the quiz? Yeah, we’re returning to the line. This is the first ‘saur in the sentient salad line. He can whip enemies with vines and possibly spray allergenic pollen that makes the spring hell on Earth for millions of people. In the series, he was one of Ash’s most reliable and loyal Pokémon (we all know no one would ever replace Pikachu and Charmeleon was a real problem for a while, but this guy was an often-uncredited asset).
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He was the first Pokémon fans were exposed to who could speak normally. Naturally, he had a Brooklyn accent and a shyster’s demeanor. Admittedly, the cat-gangster shtick was something of a given; Team Rocket raised him. Sure, they aren’t exactly the epitome of efficient or even effective criminal enterprises, but they are still technically bad guys. They even have matching uniforms. Anyway, without this guy helping Jesse and James, they’d have starved to death years ago, and Team Rocket itself would likely have been overtaken by the Yakuza.
Name that Pokémon
Hear me out, but I have a theory on this Pokémon. Though very common, I think they were once among the most powerful. Analogous to real-world pigeons, these Pokémon are like just as swimming with disease. Perhaps, some time before the series began, something like the movie The Birds happened. They ran amok, spreading illness, and killing many before their numbers were culled to an acceptable level and the diseases treated. However, by then, many had died. It would explain why there are few adults around.
Name that Pokémon
I also have a theory about this Pokémon, but this is one is substantially less dark. It’s actually quite nice. I believe that this species is (partially) responsible for the large swaths of healthy vegetation surrounding the rather meager cities Ash and his friends visit. This Pokémon is inspired by butterflies, and likely pollinated much of the plant life (given their large number). Others, like the Cutieflies and Beedrills, would still be pollinating flowers. Again, their population is large, making this possible.
Name that Pokémon
And how does one get a California roll in the Pokémon world? Look no further than our moody friend (and his secondary evolution). While lazily designed and named rather lazily, these water Pokémon are incredibly useful. Yes, they’re essentially just crabs with slightly more aggressive tendencies, but they’re also much larger than the standard crabs found in nature. We’ve never seen people use them for food, but it’s just such an obvious thing. Morbid? Perhaps. Delicious? Undoubtedly.
Name that Pokémon
There are dedicated message boards and Reddit threads arguing whether Pokémon’s resident dragon would be able to defeat Daenerys’ from Game of Thrones. Math and science are applied. Really. Honest, major effort. This is insanity. Why aren’t these people working for NASA or something? Wow. Look, I personally don’t have an opinion on this. It’s a cartoon vs. CGI. Batman: The Animated Series vs. Toy Story. I don’t know. Look, he’s a big orange dragon, and Ash had to earn his respect.
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Not only is he a Pokémon, but he also was one of the first villains the Justice League fought way back in 1960. Oh, wait, I’m sorry, that’s Starro. This guy’s different. Same color scheme though. But Starros do tend to grow larger. And mind control people…and parasitically feed on them for decades at a time. This Pokémon version is less scary. Their attacks are mostly defensive heals or used to deflect or distract enemies and predators. Bet they make a good appetizer.
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Sure, Pikachu (and Squirtle to a lesser extent) get all the cuteness points and that attention, but this little fella certainly deserves some accolades. Look at him. I don’t even know what it’s supposed to be, but the result is adorable. Is he a rabbit/cat? Cat has to be in there somewhere. This is the first version of this species of Pokémon; they can evolve into several possible forms depending on the different elemental stones they’re exposed to. The next few entries will explore some of these variations.
Name that Pokémon
This Pokémon is another potential Eevee evolution (of “eevelution” according to fans). The important clue here is that this is a water-based Pokémon. Consider that in the name options and different type-options open to Eevee evolutions. Sadly, this poor fish-cat has a ring of fins around his neck that looks like those unfortunate cones sick pets have to wear. At least he doesn’t look depressed about it. My friend’s dog was beyond sad when he was stuck in a cone for a few weeks. Poor guy.
Name that Pokémon
This Pokémon is another potential Eevee evolution (of “eevelution” according to fans). The important clue here is that this is a water-based Pokémon. Consider that in the name options and different type-options open to Eevee evolutions. Sadly, this poor fish-cat has a ring of fins around his neck that looks like those unfortunate cones sick pets have to wear. At least he doesn’t look depressed about it. My friend’s dog was beyond sad when he was stuck in a cone for a few weeks. Poor guy.
Name that Pokémon
Like his Flareon cousin, this Pokémon can be used for both home defense and as a source of energy; no more dealing with Con Ed! However, also like Flareon, it would be best to keep this guy out of the rain. The result could be a problem for everybody. Even simply going by his design, it’s clear this Eevee evolution has lightning-based powers, and he can, indeed, light his enemies up like a Christmas tree during the Tet Offensive.
Name that Pokémon
Some of my favorite types of Pokémon designs are ones that do not make it easy to figure out what power sub-group they belong to. This eeveelution is often erroneously believed to be a psychic-type. He’s a dark type. I know, I know, not exactly a gigantic surprise, but the mistake gets made often enough. He also has that really cool balance between adorable and scary. It is hardly the most powerful of Pokémon (or even along the eeveelution scale), but don’t take him lightly: like a ‘roided up skunk, he can blast poisons at, burn or paralyze his enemies.
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This is what happens if the player evolves an Eevee while exposing it to the Willy Wonka or Candyland stone. I’m kidding, of course, but really, look at this guy. He looks like he’s made of candy. And don’t tell me eating Pokémon is wrong. The life out in the wild. This is what they’re here for. Anyway, this is actually a Fairy-type Pokémon. It sends out a “soothing aura” from its feelers, which calms potential enemies, and perhaps makes them a little high. I like this Pokémon.
Name that Pokémon
This is my niece’s favorite Pokémon (most of the time), so I had to mention him here. I gave her a plushy of this fairy-type, and she was extremely excited. I hope she’ll take care of me when I’m old. And by that, I mean I hope she pulls the plug before all of my dignity is lost to the dregs of elderly decline. He’s noticeably more powerful and mysterious in the cartoon series, and it’s clear especially given his evolved forms that he was created simply to be adorable. Too bad nature in real life doesn’t work that way.
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Look, it was the 90s. This Pokémon is made entirely out of computer code. Its polygenic design was very popular (and modern) at the time but has sadly aged in a way that only original fans still really appreciate. He also has the dubious honor of being the spotlight character in the infamous Pokémon episode that caused seizures due to a strobe-effect. As a result, 600 Japanese children were hospitalized, and the episode was banned. To this day, this Pokémon has never again played a large role in the anime.
Name that Pokémon
This Pokémon is literally just a regular fish with a horn on his head. I really don’t know what else to say. Sometimes they’re just regular creatures with a minor evolutionary derangement designed to take up space on the Pokedex. Not everyone gets to be exciting. It evolves eventually, of course. And, naturally, he just turns into a slightly larger version of another common fish just with a moderately larger horn on his forehead. And that’s all I got.
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And this one’s just a sloth with a slight name that’s kind of a pun. These Pokémon creators really got lazy after a while, didn’t they? The Pokémon Wikipedia says this creature has “sloth-like qualities.” That’s being rather generous. Despite sleeping 20 hours a day (only slightly more than a housecat), this Pokémon can still be used in a fight once in a while. Its signature move is called the Slack Off, which can easily be misread, and doesn’t actually cause any damage.
Name that Pokémon
This Pokémon was in my loadout in the old GameBoy game. I can’t remember now if it was Red or Blue. I think Blue. Given that this species is rather docile, this may have been a tactical error. Regardless, this water/ice Pokémon is obviously a nod to the mythical Loch Ness monster, though a bit smaller than its Scottish cousin. Despite being based on plesiosaurs, this Pokémon was also highly influenced by dolphins; they’re intelligent and can (at least in a limited capacity) understand human communication.
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Sometimes the ugly duckling blooms into a beautiful swan. In Pokémon, however, sometimes the derp-faced Magikarp becomes this gigantic serpentine predator that rules the sea with an iron fin. While it was one of the earliest Pokémon to be introduced, it’s still among the most powerful (and incredibly sought after in Pokémon Go). They’re also a “Mega” version of this character (don’t ask) that’s bulkier and somehow angrier. This species also has several different color variations; different shades of blue, red and striped.
Name that Pokémon
If the Gundam Deathscythe transmogrified into a Pokémon, it would be this bug/flying-type. Okay, yes, it’s only because of the scythes, but it’s the first thing that came to mind. Also, his evolved form looks like a red Scorponok from Beast Wars. Yes, the point of this entry is to make the entire quiz nerdier by 2000%. Given that he’s partially a bug-type, we imagine that among his weakness to fire, he also has an aversion to pesticides. Also, this species of Pokémon becomes more aggressive when exposed to the color red.
Name that Pokémon
Yes, he’s just a white sea lion. They all can’t be amazing creations. Given that Pokémon has more or less replaced any normal animal in the real world, this does make its own kind of sense. However, it should be noted that despite its name and shared sea mammal DNA; this Pokémon is not related to Dr. Douglas Ong or his Guild of Calamitous Intent-affiliated brother, Chester. Yes, again, the entire entry was designed to be a nerdy reference. I regret nothing.
Name that Pokémon
And then, sometimes, Pokémon just throws a curveball. I have no idea what inspired this creature. He’s some kind of bipedal frog-winter sock with possibly cancerous nodules on his cheeks. He’s both a fighting type and a poison type (the latter is still fairly new), so despite his size, he’s quite the force to be reckoned with if need be. In the anime cartoon, Brock captured one of these little guys, and it became his duty to keep Brock from attractive women—going so far as to repeatedly using his Poison Jab on the horned-up teen.
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Well, this is just lazy. It’s a bull with a split tail. While there doesn’t seem to be anything special about this Pokémon (besides its obvious farming utility), it has an infamous history in the anime. The single episode that prominently featured this Pokémon is now on the list of banned episodes because of its heavy use of guns, which also made fans believe Ash used said guns to obtain this Pokémon in the first place. It’s a strange world these characters live in.
Name that Pokémon
While never officially confirmed, we believe that this Pokémon knows how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop. I really hope somebody appreciates that reference to a 1970s commercial. While I’m at it, let me also take this opportunity to finally dismiss the long rumor that this Pokémon is mentioned in “Buddy Holly” by Weezer. Other than that, yes, this is an owl Pokémon. He does owl stuff and might have pink eye. Or several burst capillaries.
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Pokémon is at its best when it embraces the insanity of its core concept. When it does we get awesome characters like this. This murder machine is a thick-skinned shark that’s shaped like a missile and can easily chew through metal. Its fangs immediately grow back in case they’re ever ripped out or broken. Its propulsive capabilities allow it to move at speeds equal to 125 MPH. It slices. It dices. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop ever, until you are dead.
Name that Pokémon
Sometimes laziness pays off. Where else besides Sesame Street or Aqua Teen Hunger Force can there even be the possibility of a sentient garbage bag. I love this franchise. Its biology—and the fact that its arms look like garbage ripping out of the bag/body—indicates that this isn’t exactly a Pokémon that can take much damage. Then again, it uses raw sewage and all kinds of natural and industrial waste as a weapon, so why would anyone pick a fight with him anyway?
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This is one of the first fire-type Pokémon introduced in the anime and one of the toughest to defeat in the old Gameboy games. He’s the middle stage of an evolutionary line that goes from merely adorable to sentient flamethrower killing machine. Really, he looks like a Decepticon in his final form. Anyway, this form is essentially a duck-dragon that breathes fire and has a standard body temperature of approximately 2,200 °F (1,200 °C). They’re usually not a fan of winter.
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A fossil Pokémon. Indeed, not one of the more popular types in the franchise, but here’s one of the more notable entries. His name isn’t exactly revelatory, and his origins are clearly a reference to Jurassic Park, but that’s all part of his charm. And, besides, the design is neat—, especially in this Pokémon’s Mega form. Not much can hurt this breed, but they—like most living organisms—are weak to Jigglypuff’s song. Real number 1 hit tune.
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I don’t know what writes itself faster—the innuendoes or the resultant and undoubtedly numerous slash fiction. I can guarantee that the latter is certainly nightmare fuel. This Pokémon is not considered a “battle Pokémon” for obvious reasons (along with its genial nature); most captured ones are used as pets. I really hope none of them work in restaurants. The germs. Unsurprisingly, this Pokémon does not enjoy sour foods and is weak against Fighting-types. For some reason, it’s also immune to Ghost-types.
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Like the Highlander, there is only one of this Pokémon. He is a clone/genetically engineered augment of a god-type Pokémon. He’s also very likely the strongest Pokémon of them all (YMMV, dependent on the different timelines and media). What sets him apart is that he was my favorite Pokémon due to the fact he took guff from no one, was mysterious and could actually form a sentence. Also, he’s the favorite Pokémon of indie wrestler Keith Lee. Like this Pokémon, we should all bask in his glory.
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Birds and lightning move very fast. This is a lightning-bird. It’s especially fast. Alongside a scant few, this mythic Pokémon is a member of the Legendary family and is one of the Birds of Kanto. Despite its sleek and jagged presentation, this Pokémon is indeed covered in feathered plumage, but the ends are still, somehow, quite sharp. Even while flying normally, it produces massive electrical cracks surrounding it; on a whim, it can also produce enough electrical energy to set off a thunderstorm.
Name that Pokémon
Like something out of Sid’s room in Toy Story, this Pokémon is a pig on a spring, leveling a ball on his head between his ears. The name is also incredibly esoteric. I imagine that if the developers of Pokémon were fans of Leonard Cohen, there would soon be a character called Wirebird. I know that reference will be lost on 95% of people, but I stand by it proudly and unflinchingly. That said, this character has a Signature Move called Gluttony. It’s perfect.
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This is possibly the best Pokémon creation. It’s just so obvious and lazy and brilliant all at the same time. Look at it. It’s a goth girl. I'm not just glib. The creators of the character said that this character was purposely made as an analog to a teenage goth girl. It’s just too perfect. This Pokémon’s abilities are listed as Frisk, Competitive and Shadow Tag, all of which can be read into or not depending on sensibilities. Naturally, this is a psychic-type with mystic insights.
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This is a Steel/Ghost-type Pokémon. Yes, it’s a medieval sword. Yes, deriving from its type, it’s safe to say that in the Pokémon universe steel is a naturally occurring element. It has been suggested that there’s a real spirit trapped in this sword making it a Pokémon by default, which actually makes more sense than elemental steel somehow. That is of course unless one takes a look at the Pokémon wiki and finds out that there is more than one of this Pokémon, they can evolve, and they are gendered. This means they reproduce. This franchise, man.