Pick Your Favorite Movies And We'll Reveal How Many Kids You'll Have!
- by Claire Ross
- – on
- in Movies and TV
Do you ever find yourself sitting at home watching a movie and thinking, “How many children will I have?” We know you do, and we're here to help. Asking one's self how many children you'll end up with is a very common train of thought. You’re absolutely normal for thinking about babies while watching movies, no matter what movie it happens to be. Do you count your imaginary progeny while enjoying a snippet from Finding Nemo, or Home Alone, or The Magic Schoolbus? Wonderful, I'm sure you'll make an excellent parent. A little less so if you’re considering having kids while watching The Grudge or Gone Girl, but everyone has their thing (I guess).
We would really love to help you out, as always, by creating a quiz specifically designed to answer any and all questions you may encounter. We’ve synthesized a perfectly calibrated list of films that, by choosing your favorites, will reveal how many children you’ll have later in life. We can't tell you their genders or ages or if you'll get along with them. That's your problem, buddy!
How does it work you ask? Nice try! We’ll never say; our secret quiz book of life is a prized company treasure. But have faith in our age-old magic sauce and you may just receive the answers you desire...
Pick your favorite movie!
Do you ever cry during a movie? Do you try to hide it, or do you tear up with gusto? There's no shame in showing a little emotion in a packed movie theatre, tears and popcorn flying with abandon. Just don't choke up and ruin the movie for everyone else...
Pick your favorite movie!
One kid, two kid, three kid, none! You might be surprised to learn your results, but your favorite movies really do mean something to our grandiose and wise Quiz Masters. Please take this seriously, we really don't want to waste everyone's time and energy on this.
Pick your favorite movie!
Hmm... our machine needs more time to think, and more information about the deepest corners of your soul. Pick your favorite from these, please. If you're having trouble, just close your eyes and imagine an empty swing set. How many children appear on it? Now... pick a movie! Go! Quick!
Pick your favorite movie!
That's it! Now we're getting somewhere. Now just hold the image of your movie choice to this question in your mind. That's it... that's it... No! Stop thinking about how hungry you are! This quiz is far more important than food and comfort and showering and going to class.
Pick your favorite movie!
Dang it! This thing always messes up at some point. Just grab a coffee and consider these options while we fix it... Our machines are millions of years old, did you know that? We tried to order new ones but the company is out of business. Apparently their main offices burned down in Alexandra a couple of thousand years ago. Who knew.
Pick your favorite movie!
It seems to be working again. It was a dongle on the back side that had come loose. It's Gregg's fault, as always! Damn it, Gregg! This is your last chance! They should fire him. I tell them every month at Quiz Master Review, "please fire Gregg, he's the worst employee." They never do. Sometimes I think I'm speaking into the void, you know?
Pick your favorite movie!
This questions should be easy, I know it is for me. But I really shouldn't be influencing your decisions, as a scientist, you know. I take my Quiz Master oath EXTREMELY seriously. Unlike some people around here (Gregg!) You seem like a serious person, so I'll let you think. My lips are sealed, ziiip!
Pick your favorite movie!
Mmgghhmmpphh! Mph! GGGrrrrpph! *unzips mouth* Gasp! I forgot that I zipped my mouth, I almost suffocated! Hold on one moment while I catch my- catch my breath! Thank god you were here, you could have rescued me... though I noticed you didn't even get up to help. Hmm.
Pick your favorite movie!
Do you mind if I open this window? It gets so stuffy in the lab... you do? Well, you don't have a choice, sorry. This is my office you're in, buck-o, and you're just a guest here! And a pretty slow one at that. Don't you know your favorite films already? Ah, nothing like a breath of fresh air!
Pick your favorite movie!
Have I ever told you about my own children? No? Well! Don't get me started. One of them is a genius, I tell ya, the other ones are okay I guess. Do I have any photos of them around here...? I sure do! I'm so glad you asked! Let me fetch them...
Pick your favorite movie!
Here they are! Look, this is my eldest daughter, Morgan. Isn't see pretty? She's at Harvard studying medicine, I think. She keeps asking for more money, but my partner and I refuse! We think she might be spending it all shopping. Because we're good parents, we don't intervene too openly...! Don't you agree? Don't you...?
Pick your favorite movie!
Anyway, here's my middle child. This isn't a very good photo of him... what is that between his teeth? Ugh. Henry never brushes his teeth. I know you want kids, but let me tell ya, it's not all sunshine and rainbows! Sometimes they eat food and don't clean their teeth before having their photos taken!
Pick your favorite movie!
Lastly here's my youngest, Pamela. She's alright. I mean, she goes to school and has friends and got a job over the summer and might have a crush on the football star, but we just don't click, you know? Sorry, I can see that you're trying to concentrate, but you're just so easy to talk to, you know?
Pick your favorite movie!
I think you're so brave for taking this quiz and finding out the answers to one of life's greatest mysteries. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow! But if you have no children, and this quiz tells you you'll have two, then I guess you'll live on? Is that how it works? I'm kidding, I know exactly how it works. Don't worry.
Pick your favorite movie!
Do you sometimes go to the movie theatre alone? Do you do everything alone? Sorry if that's getting too personal, you're just so lovely and unique, I want to learn more about you. I wonder if we'll pick the same movie in this question! If we do, maybe we should become best friends! ...Hello?
Pick your favorite movie!
Oh, you chose THAT movie as your favorite? Never mind, we have absolutely nothing in common. I guess that's why I'm a quiz writer and member of the secret quiz-writing society and you're - well - you. I don't mean anything by that, just an observation. Keep clicking away...
Pick your favorite movie!
Are you hungry? I brought some snacks. Some of them are healthy, but most of them aren't. I didn't mean to buy mostly chips and cookies, it just happened that way. But you like cookies, don't you? Your kids probably will, just saying.
Pick your favorite movie!
Have you ever even spent time around a child? They can be a real handful. You should try babysitting or something before you commit to making babies. That would be the responsible thing to do, and you definitely seem like the responsible type.
Pick your favorite movie!
Have you ever been on the bus with a baby on board? Did it gaze into your soul, stripping you of all your lies and illusions? Babies are pretty fascinating and fascinated creatures, you shouldn't have one until you're ready to be honest with yourself, the way that baby was honest with you.
Pick your favorite movie!
What did you say...? That light over there? Oh, you can just ignore that, it means the machine is overheating and could explode at any moment. Ha-ha! Yeah right! Those engineering quacks don't know what they're doing. It's all fine. Oh, now it's smoking a little bit? No, no, those are just visual effects. Calm down!
Pick your favorite movie!
Tic-Tok... you sure are taking your time with this one. I was really hoping to get to lunch sometime before the end of the day, you know? I'm starting to get hungry... you don't know this yet because you don't have any kids, but keeping someone else from eating ends up being a nightmare for them AND you.
Pick your favorite movie!
I'm starting to think that maybe you don't even want kids, and this is just a way for you to procrastinate. Is that true? It'll be honest, that's really disrespectful of my time and yours. Do you know how much they pay me to sit here talking your ear off and watching the machine?
Pick your favorite movie!
You know, you look a little familiar to me. Have we met before? Do you come here often to do quizzes and find the truth? That's pretty cool I guess... but you should consider trying to figure things out for yourself some time. Like maybe you'll have kids if you meet a significant other. Does that make any sense?
Pick your favorite movie!
Would you please stop swiveling around in that chair, it's really starting to give me a migraine. You're like a kid yourself with all that swiveling! Eek-eek! That's what it sounds like, ugh. So annoying. That's it, sit still... For God sakes you'd think we were running a slapstick outfit around here. We're serious scientists only!
Pick your favorite movie!
Finally! An answer I agree with! You're doing fine, just keep your eye on the prize. Now consider this question carefully, it's key to your eventual results. I'm not kidding, some of these questions matter more than others! As in life, you never know which split-second decision is going to throw you under the bus, or make you a millionaire!
Pick your favorite movie!
Did you watch the Oscars this year? I did. It was lovely, but pretty camp. Did you know they don't feed those poor celebrities at all while they're at the theatre? They just have to sit there looking pretty and acting like they aren't starving, like me right now...
Pick your favorite movie!
You seem like the strong silent type. That's cool. I'm a little bored though, couldn't we just chat a little? Oh, you're trying to concentrate? I find that hard to believe. All you need to do is pick your favorite movies. We're doing all the work for you! This ancient machine might as well be your arms and legs and brain too for all the hard work it's doing on your behalf.
Pick your favorite movie!
Have you considered that you might end up with 8 kids like those crazy people on octo-moms or whatever it's called? Have you considered what you'd do for money? That must be so hard! You'd have to name them alphabetically to keep from getting confused.
Pick your favorite movie!
You don't know any of those movies? Really? That's a little absurd, if you ask me. Everyone knows those ones, they're classics! If you haven't seen them then maybe you should consider sitting in front of the TV for a couple days instead of doing this quiz. Honestly...
Pick your favorite movie!
Why do you keep blinking your eyes like that... do you have some kind of eye infection? Please wash your hands more, it's only common sense. Maybe you shouldn't be staring at your screen for so long, either? Or rubbing your fingers in other peoples eyes and then rubbing your own eyes? That's gross, please learn better manners.
Pick your favorite movie!
You're nearly there! Don't give up hope! I know by now you're probably thinking, "Why did I start doing this quiz? These quiz people are pretty weird." Well, you're right. We are weird. But wouldn't you be if you had all the answers to everything in the universe?
Pick your favorite movie!
I'm sorry, the answer is no. You can't pick multiple answers to one question. I can see how stressed you are over these options, and trust me buddy, I've been there. But this is a harsh world and sometimes you need to make tough decisions. Your kids will be grateful for their tough love parent who made tough choices in the tough world (or not!).
Pick your favorite movie!
It's time for some classic choices. It's about time, right? Some of those other choices were pretty bunk, I admit. But we have to weed out the crazy people before getting to the good stuff. You know exactly what I mean, I can tell, because you are a smart, wonderful, helpful human who deserves everything in life. Are you ready?
Pick your favorite movie!
Isn't this more fun than anything else you could be doing right now? I'm having a blast, personally. You look like you could use a little water, though. Maybe go rehydrate after this important quiz is finished? You should always be rehydrating. All day, every day. You should have water by your bed and water with every meal!
Pick your favorite movie!
Finally! The last question! You're a real champion; I can tell that you really, really, really want to know how many kids you're going to have. Very soon you'll know for sure. I know, I know, you're too kind... Oh please, there's no need to pay me... oh you're too kind. Really? A bouquet? You're very welcome!
