Something that we often wonder about when we're younger is that we will grow up and have to work a job that we don't want. Well, that was our greatest fear when we were younger anyway, although we're sure that wasn't the same for everyone. While you were worrying about that though, your mum and dad were terrified that they had a little pet psychopath in their home. If you don't believe us, wait until you have kids of your own.
Honestly, is there anything more worrying than your child going on to do something that the rest of the world considers an atrocity? Not only will you be hated by everyone else, you will also have to try and get over what your child did. Instead of having to figure this out after a while, why not just get your child to take this test and then you'll know how much a psychopath you are! Either that or take it yourself to see what you've got rattling around that brain of yours.
You never know, this test might stop one of you from going out there and committing some horrendous crime. Either that or you'll just ignore the results...
Do you follow rules?
The saying goes that rules are there to be broken, but as a general rule, we like to think that this isn't true. However, is that another rule that we should be breaking as well? When you really get down to it, if you want to properly analyze it, it’s pretty much impossible to come up with a life ethos based on following every single rule or breaking every single one of them either. We say take it on an individual basis.
Do you have a weird obsession with animals?
We're not just asking if you love them, we're saying do you have an obsession with them, an obsession that others may refer to us as weird. If you do, please don't do them any damage because it's that sort of stuff that really bothers us. We’re not sure why, but we can gladly eat meat while still finding the concept of an animal being hurt incredibly uncomfortable. Seriously, we’re cringing as we write these sentences right now. It’s not fun.
Can you turn your empathy on and off at will?
One of the most important feelings that we can have as human beings is empathy. Empathy is what helps you turn to people other than yourself and give them a hand, even though you may not have gone through the situation that they're going through. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, for some reason, isn’t something that all adults can do. It’s almost as if people need to teach their children much better. Seriously, if you have kids make sure they understand that other people matter just as much as them.
Do you enjoy lying to people?
We all have to lie to get through this world, that's just a well-accepted and established fact. That being said, you shouldn't really enjoy lying to somebody's face. There are those who actually get a bit of hit from lying as if there's an adrenaline in it for them. We sort of understand this, but we think if you can only get your kicks by lying to somebody then you should really be looking for a different way to get high.
Do you act on impulse?
There are some people in this world who like to plan everything that they do and there are the other kinds of people, those who know that the best things in this world come when you jump into events that you had no idea about in the first place. That’s how you learn about new events and hobbies. The only way to learn anything new is to stop doing what you always do and move onto something that has never entered your world view before.
Do you live in the moment?
This is quite possibly one of the most important things that any human being can do that will positively affect their lives in ways that you cannot imagine. When you’re not considering what you’ve done in the past or what mistakes you might make in the future, you quickly start to live your life in the way it was meant to be lived. We cannot stress enough how you should all be trying to live in the present moment from now on.
Do you regularly find other people shallow?
Honestly, don't feel bad saying yes because we couldn't blame you for it. It seems as if the only thing respected in the world at this point is the ability to look good or fake it till you make it. What happened to the days where people respected style over substance and didn’t consider how something looks beyond everything else. Sure, style can be important sometimes, but substance should be much higher on the list in pretty much all walks of life.
Do you struggle with feelings of shame or guilt?
One thing that will start to fall away once you begin to live in the moment is any guilt or shame you feel for merely living your life. We're not saying you should lose all of your shame and guilt because you need a little bit of that stuff to be even close to a decent human being. Without that stuff, you would think nothing of doing whatever it is that your brain is telling you to do at any given moment.
Do you consider homeless people parasites?
Some people might be shocked by this question, but the concept that homeless people should simply be eradicated without any thought for their lives is a pretty pervasive one in modern society. There is a chance that if you become homeless, nobody will make any effort to help or look after you in any way. That is a scary thought if you ask us. We should all, as a community, be here to look after one another, no matter how hard life gets.
Would you describe yourself as disarming?
We don't understand people who are able to get anyone to do whatever they want them to do. It's a talent that we've never had throughout our lives. We're sort of happy that we don't have this talent because we'd rather people do what they want as long as they’re not encroaching on other people’s lives. That’s just how we are. This world would be boring if we could get people to do whatever we want whenever we want it.
Do people describe you as charming?
Charm is sort of the more interesting version of being able to disarm someone. Being charming actually, takes some form of interesting skill and can make you interesting to be around, rather than when you’re disarming. When you’re around someone who can make people do whatever they want, you’re always on your back foot, while people who have got charming personalities constantly have you relaxed and want you to have a fun time. That is unless they’re trying to charm you into doing something…
Do you have an obsession with material possessions?
The main problem with this world is that nobody seems to care about anything beyond how they look to other people, which is built into the concept of material possessions. Material possessions only have power if you give them the power. The only point to spend money on these baubles is to look better to other people, which is pretty depressing when you think about it. God forbid you try to stand out or try and matter more than your most recent purchase.
Are you quick to take responsibility?
One thing that we cannot stand in human beings is a lack of personal responsibility. This is the problem with reality television and making people famous for nothing because it makes them think that they can do whatever they want. Then, when they get caught out doing something that they know they shouldn't have done, they don’t stand up and take responsibility but try and palm it off onto somebody else. That’s what you get when you teach generations of people they can do whatever they want.
Have you had a run-in with the law?
To be fair, we can't imagine there are many people in this world who haven't had some form of run in with the law. You can't really have fun in this world anymore without the long arm of the law deciding that they have to get involved. Add on top of that the possibility you might not be white, at which point it’s impossible to get through this life without having a run in with the law. Sadly that’s just how it is.
Are you the best at what you do?
Look, we've said it before but we do think it's important that you have some element of pride and ego when it comes to what you do with your life. If you don't, you'll end up being unhappy with your life from a very young age. Sure, don’t go so overboard with it that you think you’re better than everyone else in the world, but you have to have some of that about you for sure. Don’t be a pushover.
Do you like to help others?
People forget that there are actually people out there who dedicate their lives to helping others but don't actually like doing it. That's how selfless they are. Without people like that, there would be no chance that we could function as a society, and yet they are so often forgotten about in this world. We’d like to think that you all agree with us, but we know some of you have no respect for the charitable in this world. Such a shame.
Would you consider yourself promiscuous?
It feels like that most people would describe themselves at least slightly promiscuous these days, especially compared to the way that the world used to work. Most people would go through their lives having sex with one person who they had already been forced to marry. Now you’re lucky to marry someone who hasn’t slept with a close friend of yours. If you’re the kind of person who thinks that sounds insane, then you’re probably friends with better people than me.
Were you described as a calm child?
Yeah, there is no chance that many of you were referred to as a calm child because almost every child is a total monster who spends every single day trying to wind up people as much as physically possible. Maybe they’re not trying to do that but that is definitely what they’re doing. Seriously, if you have children, you need to know now that nobody likes your children anywhere near as much as you do. That is just a fact of life.
Can you talk your way out of anything?
This is the sort of thing that people realize from a very young age they can do, but manage to evolve it as they grow and manipulate people for their entire lives. It sounds like an amazing talent to have, but we’re sort of glad it’s not something we can do. If we had that sort of power we would be a terrible human being at this point. The amount of things we would’ve done, knowing we can get away with it.
Do you make the same mistakes over and over again?
They say this is the definition of insanity, so we know which way you'll answer if you are a psychopath! We've thankfully managed to learn from our mistakes most of the time, but even we have to admit that there are times when this just eludes us. There are some things that our brain clearly can’t understand are bad for us and continues to point us in that direction as much as possible. We’re not going to say what but we think you know.
Are you constantly bored?
This is a problem that we always have if we're being honest. Being in a group of people or living with people actually has a massive effect on our mood but when we're left to our own devices, it's not long before the boredom sets in. We’re not sure why this is something we have to grapple with but it has followed us around ever since we were children. Hopefully, we’ll grow out of it one day because it can get pretty annoying.
Do you find it hard to keep your mind on one task?
Honestly, we've been scatterbrained since the day we were born. However, this is the sort of thing that actually fuels a lot of our creative abilities because it's where you get most of your ideas if you ask us. Seriously, there’s something that comes with having a brain that won’t shut up which feeds into the ability to come up surreal concepts and flesh them out pretty quickly. That being said, we’re pretty biased on this one because we suffer with it too.
Do you think most other people are stupid?
You don't need to be arrogant about it, but an understanding that most of the people in this world are pretty stupid is important if you're going to stop other people from infecting you with their stupidity. It’s only once you know that you shouldn’t be listening to others and trying to find your own way that you’ll be able to figure things out for yourself. Everyone else will be hanging on your every word, but don’t let that get to your head anything.
Will you let other people's feelings get in the way of your goals?
One of the major problems with the financial world is that you have to not care about other human beings because the decisions that you make within the economic world can have real world consequences. These consequences will then ruin other people's lives. If that bothers you, your decisions will be compromised. You have to think of a human body as a group of numbers and nothing more. This might seem a little bit over the top but it really isn’t.
Do you enjoy manipulating others?
Yet another thing that somebody realizes they enjoy doing when they're a child is manipulating people into doing something against their will. There's a whole level of grimness to this sort of thing that we can't be bothered getting into. If you enjoy doing this sort of thing can you just remove yourself from the world as soon as possible? We’re terrified of the sort of damage that you could do to the human race if you are allowed out into the real world.