Do You Know What Women Want? Take The Test!

Let’s start with a disclaimer: This quiz is primarily for the gents. But it wouldn’t be too wrong for a “chiquita” to be sat next to her “chito” to crib his work. Maybe she’ll even take the quiz herself, to show him where he’s going wrong…

Anyway, with that cleared up, off we go in good faith!

There is much written about the differences between the male and female of our kind. And when we talk about “differences”, we don’t necessarily mean the bits in the middle or the hair on our chins. We mean differences between our minds: those wrangles which relate to attitude, logic, and emotion.

If you remember the film called What Women Want then you may have a better understanding of the aggro up ahead. The story of that Y2K film is of chauvinistic businessman (Nick Marshall) who by accident is rewired with an ability to hear women’s thoughts.

Half-way through the film Nick is still not cured of his dastardly ways and uses the gift for self-gain. However, because his counterpart (Darcy Maguire) believes that he is “in touch” with her innermost feelings she falls in love with him.

Eventually he falls for her too and love reigns (blah blah blah). Although Nick’s ability vanishes as quickly as it arrives he has become a new and understanding man.

Now: Over to you.

Do you have Nick’s “gift”? Tell us your answers to the next few questions and we’ll tell you how well you know women.

Question 1

When she says “fine” after an argument, what does that mean to you?

You’ve got yourself into a beat-down about something you think is trivial. Perhaps you left your clothes on the floor again. With this one word “fine” things seem to have arrived at a natural conclusion. So, all is good with the world, right? Right?

Question 2

When she says “do whatever you want”, what is your reaction?

You’re asking for a few hours out of your busy coupling schedule to take in a beer or two with some friends. What appears a straightforward 'Ask' has snowballed with complaints and strops. And yet, she loves you; she’s looking out for you… and there’s a ceiling light to fix.

Question 3

When she says “what did you just say”, what’s your next move?

Perhaps you’re talking about other women; perhaps you’re talking about getting up in the attic and sorting through stuff (which you hate doing). So, you slip up; you say something you shouldn’t have. But now you have a free pass to rethink.

Question 4

What’s your reaction to her being upset about you getting back so late?

You’re out with Zak and Aaron but the night feels young and you haven’t caught up with the guys for weeks. Why? Nevermind. There’s a loud voice in your head but the more you drink the quieter it gets. Funny that. Anyway, you’re home by midnight but your girl is still upset.

Question 5

What do you say when asked “how do I look”?

Here now is posed the classic question that guys have been asking themselves since the days of caves and saber-toothed tigers. To land the right answer you have to know first what she wants to hear. This is the ultimate test…

Question 6

When she asks you how your day was, what does she mean?

You go to her place after a long day. Maybe you’ve been sat in boring meetings? Maybe you’ve been up a ladder saving lives. Leave it to history. Whatever you did is over and you can relax a little before you eat. There’s just one more thing…

Question 7

When she says “you don’t need to get me anything”, what do you do?

Hey, in case you hadn’t noticed it’s nearly Christmas. But let’s not get bogged down. Her talk of a lot of gifts leads you to talk about a lack of money; then she comes out with this plea. Do you take it at face value?

Question 8

When you know she’s going to be late, what’s your next step?

She’s rushing. Man, she is all over the place getting herself ready for a night out. The cab is already outside and she’s only now climbing out of the shower. You know she’s going to be late. The Fates know it too and they gave up a while back.

Question 9

When you notice someone cute in the street, what’s your reaction?

You’re walking downtown together. The sun is out and you’re feeling randier than usual. There’s nothing wrong with some window shopping while she window shops, is there? Or is there? Think very carefully on this especially if you’re not doing this quiz by yourself.

Question 10

When she says I’m bored, what does that mean to you?

You find yourself with some extra work to do at home on the laptop. It’s mind-numbing but you must get it done before tomorrow otherwise the polar caps will explode. You notice a little huff from your girl and then she starts pacing. She’s bored.

Question 11

When you notice her daydreaming, what should you do?

Daydreaming is a great way to visualize the future. It’s also a great way to block out the everyday and think about how great the world would be if everything was made out of candy. But when we find someone daydreaming, doesn’t it seem rude to interrupt?

Question 12

When it’s her time of the month what should you do to help?

Let’s get delicate. Once a month… ah, you know the rest. Trouble is the surge of hormones that peak at this point in your girl’s cycle is sometimes way too intense for her to ignore. There’s often a heck of a lot of pain too, and the two don’t mix well.

Question 13

If she starts crying, how do you react?

Is it safe to say that women cry more than men? Probably not, but hey we just said it. Sources of crying: soft toys, animals, children, sad films, happy films, death, life, acts of hate, acts of love, gay swans etc. But some of us guys don’t know how to react… do you?

Question 14

When she says “you look great”, what does she mean?

Who me? Yeh, you! Sometimes, she’ll pay you some serious compliments. Take this case in point: you’re done up and ready to leave for a rare night out with Zak and Aaron. You’ve got a free pass for a good few hours of fun: the way it used to be.

Question 15

When she looks at herself in the mirror, what do you say?

You catch her staring in the mirror. You’re not sure why because it’s just not something you usually do. But there must be a reason. Has she had her hair done? Is she wearing a new dress? Have I missed that she’s had surgery? How did I miss that?

Question 16

When she’s about to leave for a night out with friends, what words do you use?

She’s got herself together finally. Unknowingly, in both questions 5 and 8 you dictated her mood. And now, from your answer to this final “night out” scenario she will be able to draw an exact picture of your stupidness (or amazingness).

Question 17

You notice her messy kitchen, what’s your next move?

If we don’t live with someone we’re dating it probably comes as a surprise to us how they live. That is, in what state their house is and in what order they keep things. But on the flip side if we live alone none of us are likely to keep a clean ship.

Question 18

What does she mean when she says “OK” to some kissin’?

Emotion is important to women, especially when it comes to jig-jig. Despite popular belief, a sexual passion is not as quickly switched on in the female body as it is in the male, and women are not as hot-wired to the thought of it as men.

Question 19

Which way do most women vote?

The Republican Party comprises conservative traditionalists focused on central government influence as opposed to the Democratic way of implementing policies to benefit a range of cultural and ethnic groups. We each think we know how someone would vote, but here’s your chance to show your knowledge of women.

Question 20

Why do you think she gets so upset with her body?

There aren’t too many of us – men or women – who can honestly say we're happy with our appearance. And if you think gym bunnies are 100% psyched about the way they look, think again; even they aren’t immune to self-criticism.

Question 21

She wants to watch a Rom-com film a third night in a row. What do you do?

If, like us, you’re a fan of horrors and action movies you wouldn’t choose to watch a rom-com, unless you felt that by doing so you could get some rom-com action of your own as a reward. There are some pretty good rom-coms out there though, if you’d only try…

Question 22

She says she’s tired while she’s lying next to you in bed. Why?

Bedtime for young couples means one of two things. For older couples it could mean three things and one of those is reading a great Tom Clancy novel. Your answer to the next question will be a major pointer to how well you know women.

Question 23

When she asks “what do you think”, how do you react?

Imagine you’ve moved in with your girl and you want to get the place decorated. You both stand in the middle of the front room and think about colors and décor. She puts out a suggestion that the room should be apple white with a stand-out wall painted in cerise.

Question 24

How many times should you hug your girl?

Is bodily contact without the sex something a woman wants? Our lips are sealed. After all, we don’t want to make this too easy for you. Suffice to say, everyone likes a bit of human contact, even extraterrestrials. Are you the Woman Whisperer your girl’s been looking for?

Question 25

She’s been to the salon. What words do you use when you see her?

Women and men focus quite a lot on their hair. This focus becomes less in most men over 50. The hair on your girl’s head though may actually be her pride and joy. So it’s mega-important to her that it looks good.

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