Design Your Perfect Villain And We'll Tell You Which One You Actually Are
- by Edward Cambro
- – on
- in Movies and TV
At the end of the day, the villains are the ones who have the most fun. They get the best dialogue and get the best reaction from fans. After all, there has to be a reason why we go out of our way to empathize with most of them.
TV, film, and comics have given us some of the best and most time-tested bad guys of them all. Some radiate cool and seem like people you wouldn't mind having a beer with if not for the minor fact they were pure evil. Others are, well, absolute human garbage whom we can't help but feel relieved are only fictional.
But how far are you really from these characters? And if things were only just a little bit different, who would you end up becoming? Sinestro is pretty cool, but what if you get the Hypno-Hustler? Sure, Joker's really fun, but is that someone you really want to be like?
Take this quiz and find out how good you are at being bad.
How do you feel about torture?
At some point, every villain dabbles in torture. Admittedly, so do the heroes with these postmodern pseudo-cool writers, but that’s neither here nor there. While some villains torture for information, others do it to prove a point. While a hero might see it as barbaric and desire never to do it again, a great bad guy will see it as an opportunity. When God closes a door, he opens are artery.
What would you prefer to listen to?
Not every villain gets his own soundtrack, but some of the best have their very own specific taste in music. The taste in music a character has plays an important role in understanding their thinking—if their mind is complicated, chaotic or calm. And then there are people who just don’t like music at all. We got you covered on that platform too.
How do you feel about having a henchman or a partner for help?
Invariably, a villain needs help. Whether it’s in the form of a partnership, a sidekick, or a yes-man jellyfish who will submit to your every whim no matter how dangerous, evil or stupid is your choice. However, some prefer to work alone so there’s no chance that they would ever betray you.
Which color do you like best?
Color also plays a major role in our lives. The colors we like say a great deal about our personalities. In fiction, it’s used as a thematic point to reflect motive, mental state, or to foreshadow later events. This is especially true of villains, who usually are not only the coolest, but look the best.
What are you most likely to say?
Villains get the best designs, and, when the writer is good, they get the best dialogue. Fiction is littered with great quotes from spectacularly evil characters. From the quotes below, which is the one you are most likely to say? Are you poetic? Philosophical? Subtle? Direct? Are you savoring the moment or reveling in it? There is a difference, you know.
Do you enjoy getting your hands dirty?
You don’t rule 6 billion people without making a few enemies…and then killing them. From doing things both personally and by proxy, the villain you end up getting has a very high body-count so don’t think you’re going to get away with being some cutesy schmuck like Dick Dastardly from Wacky Races—we’re going full Death Race here!
Do you like wearing formal clothes?
They say you have to dress for success. As a villain, you’ll have to do plenty of things you don’t like in order to build your way to power, but once you’re there you can do whatever you want. Some villains are quite dapper—you wouldn’t believe they were as evil as they are; others look exactly the way you’d expect a maniac to look.
Do you like animals?
Not to stereotype, but most psychopaths began down their road by torturing small animals as children. We’re not saying you do that, but, hey, it’s relevant for the job you want right now. Granted, not all villains are psychopaths, and not all of them hate animals, so, yeah, maybe we’re screwing with you.
What's your preferred weapon?
Well, in order to kill your enemies, you’re going to have to use something to do it. The brainy types might go for something subtle; the colorful ones would do something artistic; the efficient ones would do something tried and true. But, of course, as long as the deed is done, right?
What are you motivated by?
There’s a famous quote by Christopher Vogler that says, “Every villain is the hero of his own story.” Every villain has a reason, a motive, for doing the things he does. Sometimes it’s a complicated series of events going back to childhood; others do it because they’re simply bad people—but even then there’s something more at play.
How do you feel about politics?
Who doesn’t have an opinion about politics these days? Well, cast that aside for a second. We all know that most politicians are glorified mobsters who use their power to legally extort, abuse and manipulate the very people they claim to represent all in the name of obtaining and maintaining their power. It’s no wonder so many villains involve themselves in it. But would you?
Do you love your parents?
A wise man once said that “parents just don’t understand.” Not to steal from Sigmund Freud, but your parents are responsible for many of your problems as you get older. Many villains had less-than-ideal circumstances growing up while others came from good (or at least normal) families. It gets into that complicated and nuanced nature vs. nurture debate that fits right into a fun quiz.
Do you show mercy?
Mercy can be a strange thing. Sometimes it’s worse than just killing your target outright. Villains use mercy as a strategy—out of spite or because it feeds into another layer of a plan. Other villains live by a code, whether it’s a matter of morality or legal expediency depends on you.
How do you feel about mad scientists?
Mad scientists and villainy go hand in hand with each other, but that doesn’t mean that all villains are mad scientists or they all villains like them. The whole problem with them is that, you know, they’re mad. Often villains will employ them, but only as a freelancer, and try to keep them under control as best they can.
Do you have problems with authority?
Difficulty with authority is a shared problem. Heroes and villains don’t care for them. They both seem to resent and rebel against it, but only so they could impose their own authority in one way or the other. It’s a hypocritical cycle they’re both in. It’s just a matter of to what degree and how aware of it you are.
Do you have interest in becoming a leader?
Leadership leads to power, and with power you can impose your will on others and they’d be powerless to stop you. Many villains seek a leadership role for that reason. Others prefer to be left to their own devices. Leaders, after all, are busy being in charge of others. Sometimes it’s best to work from the shadows.
How do others perceive you?
Sometimes the way the world sees you is the reason why people become villains. Sometimes the way the world sees you makes them think you could never be one. In the end, everything is about deception with bad guys, but sometimes the most truthful thing about them is how up front they are about their motives and actions.
What’s your worst quality?
Well, look, if you’re a villain, you’re going to be a collection of awful traits. Greedy, violent, mean, bald. It could be anything. Picking the worst is like picking your favorite child. Then again, if you’re evil, you wouldn’t have a favorite child because you secretly or not so secretly hate them. Villainy can be confusing.
Are you impulsive?
There are two types of villains. The ones who plan things out and the ones who act on instinct. Of course, too much of either one is a problem. There’s something to be said for being able to adapt when an unexpected variable changes your plans, but sometimes you just don’t want to be running down the hallway in your underwear wielding a chainsaw.
Which of these movies is your favorite?
Even bad guys need to unwind after a long day of ruining other people’s lives. Like your taste in clothes and color preference, your go-to films are a reflection of your interests and your personality. God help you, however, if you love the Michael Bay Transformers movies. That’s a type of villainy that even we can’t accurately measure.
What's the worst thing someone can do to you?
Many villains have something of a thin skin and a bad temper. It’s not a great combination, but then, if you were well adjusted, you wouldn’t be a villain and we’d have nothing to watch on television—and would that be the biggest crime of all? Even though you are a villain, you probably do have some kind of feelings, right? What hurts you most?
Would you use a death trap?
Do classics really go out of style? Given that there’s another SAW movie coming out, we’re guessing that the death trap is still cool. It’s been a go-to for nearly every generation of villain in modern fiction (hell, there are some good ones in mythology too). They do take a lot of work, though. Anyway, are they your style?
How do you see yourself?
Like Volger said, villains are the heroes of their own stories. Are you? How do you see yourself? Do you feel bad for the things that you’ve done? Or are you totally fine with it. Admittedly, this is probably asking a psychopath if there’s such a thing as going too far, but we’re going to try our luck with this anyway.
What concerns you more?
Even villains worry about things. Granted, it’s usually how they’re going to pay for the beating they get from the good guys, but if they’re lucky they’ll get sent to prison where the tax payers get to pay for their treatments (ugh). But, as a villain, you’re going to have some problems. Which one will bother you the most?
How does your story end?
Everything ends eventually, even your time as an active agent against decent society. There are only so many ways the story of a villain can end, but given your previous answers and your own personality, how do you see things going? And, against your better judgement as a criminal, do try to tell the truth.
