For a show about nothing, the most successful sitcom in American history, Seinfeld, sure had a whole lot to say about the human condition. The title comedian and his friends may not have gotten themselves involved with all too many lasting plot lines, offer much in the way of social commentary, or even try to relate with their audiences on the most basic levels, yet the way they were presented nonetheless caused many fans to claim they were just like their favorite characters.
Granted, the characters on Seinfeld were heavily flawed individuals, who only cared about themselves and never thought much about others, meaning it isn’t the proudest comparison one could make. Not that there’s anything wrong with thinking it is, of course, as the Seinfeld crew were often so laugh out loud funny that it’s easy to forgive them for their ruder, less polite qualities.
Hopefully, no one reading this quiz is so indifferent to humanity they could end up behind bars for laughing at an obese person getting robbed. However, if you simply have trouble with low-talkers and yada yada your way through important life details, your quirky eccentricities may be of the same hilarious variety as seen in Jerry and his friends. Take our quiz and find out if you’re most like the man himself, or if you’re more of a George, Elaine, or Kramer.
What's your dream job?
In many respects, the cast of Seinfeld lived pretty simple lives for a group of friends living in the heart of New York City. Sure, there was the occasional full day sent on the subway and run-ins with various scoundrels that populate the Big Apple, but most of the time, they were just relaxing in Jerry’s apartment. This is slightly surprising considering they all basically also got to live their dream jobs, at least for some stretch of time. Few people are this lucky, and it made living life without a defined purpose a whole lot easier.
Do you live with anyone?
Living in the biggest city in the world isn’t exactly cheap, especially with apartments the size of Jerry, George, Elaine, or Kramer’s. Amazingly, these characters all manage to pay for their Manhattan homes entirely on their own, except for those times when George was living with his parents, that is. In today’s wintery economic climate, most of us probably aren’t so lucky, and that’s whether we live in New York or New Mexico. Can you pay your rent by yourself, or do you have some friends helping you out?
Is your home clean or messy?
How a person keeps their home can speak volumes about their character. After all, where a person lives and sleeps is usually where they spend most of their time, and if they choose to do so in dirty squalor, they probably don’t have the greatest opinion of themselves. Either that or they’re legitimately too busy to clean up, which in and of itself is a major statement about a person’s lifestyle. The Seinfeld crew runs the full gamut of tidiness; where do you fall on the spectrum?
Have you ever been on stage or TV?
Being a professional comedian, Jerry Seinfeld was showing up on television long before he had his own show. There were countless appearances on The Tonight Show, a guest role on Benson, and the occasional stand-up special whenever he had the opportunity to film one. Though his friends don’t necessarily spend as much time in front of the camera, they’ve all thought about the idea, as has practically everyone who ever watched a television themselves. Are you a natural like Jerry, or just a dreamer like the people he hangs out with?
How do you feel about Kramer’s friend Newman?
To some people, a “friend of a friend” is just a friend in the making. However, others see the truth in that sometimes our friends’ friends can easily become our greatest enemies. This is certainly how Jerry feels about Kramer’s regular partner-in-crime Newman, although the way Seinfeld puts it, everybody hates Newman; he’s just the most vocal about it. That said, things are rarely so simple, as for whatever reason, there are actually a number of people in Newman’s universe who find reasons to like the oaf. Do you?
How would you deliver the line: “These pretzels are making me thirsty.”
One of the most critically acclaimed directors of his generation, Woody Allen holds a special place in the heart of American moviegoers, and that goes double for New Yorkers. When Kramer stumbled upon the set of Woody’s latest film during one of his dalliances through the city, Jerry and the others naturally take great interest in what comes next. Kramer somehow lucks into a role in the movie, the above sentence his only line. Naturally, everyone has strong opinions on his delivery. What’s yours?
Can you dance?
There’s no more universal way for a person to express him or herself than the great art of dance, unless of course they happen to be terrible at it. Elaine learned that the hard way at a company party where her “little kicks” turned the poor woman into a laughing stock. Even so, she and the rest of her friends find plenty occasions to celebrate throughout Seinfeld’s run, with shorter, energetic bursts of fun causing Elaine and a few of the others to boogie down on several occasions.
Would you ever date a homeless person?
All right, so just about everyone on earth probably has a questionable and embarrassing dating story or two. Not everyone can be so lucky in their love lives, and sometimes with romance, you just take a shot and hope for the best. That said, we all have some degree of standards, as well, preventing us from even going out on a single date with certain types of people. Usually, this would include the homeless, not for any prejudiced reason, but simply because they aren’t traditionally known for good hygiene. That didn’t stop Elaine, though, and we feel like George would be fine with it, too.
What are your parents like?
The way a person’s parents act around them often influences the type of adult they become in a major way. Take for example George Costanza, whose constantly nagging mother and father Frank and Estelle are directly responsible for the tightly wound individual he became. Jerry’s parents always babying him likewise played a big role in his adult character, and we’re almost afraid of what Kramer’s elder role models must have been like to make such a strange soul as his. With all that in mind, what sort of influences did you have as a kid?
Do you get along with your neighbors?
In a widely populated location like New York City, it’s shockingly easy to go through one’s life without ever once interacting with your neighbors. On the other hand, this scenario is nonetheless fairly rare, as most people find it simple human nature to talk to the people in their most immediate surroundings. With personalities like Jerry and his friends, however, not everyone makes an instant connection with our neighbors. On the contrary, sometimes we end up hating them just as quick. Which of the following describes how your neighbors feel about you?
Which of the following fake names is your favorite?
Ultimately, the greatest fake name created by Seinfeld will probably forever remain Cosmo Kramer, perfectly encapsulating the bizarre soul who holds the moniker. That said, the show was always fantastic at coming up with silly secret identities for their characters to use during strange capers and escapades. It all started when for whatever reason, “George Costanza” just didn’t sound like the name of a person in the import/export business. From there, any time George or the others played make believe, a wacky sobriquet is bound to be involved.
Have you or would you ever donate to charity?
While the core four cast members of Seinfeld were uproariously hilarious most of the time, no one would have ever accused them of being good people. None of them are necessarily malicious, though, more indifferent to the rest of the world than in any way looking to hurt it. Given this personality type, one might think neither Jerry nor any of his friends would ever donate to charity, but sometimes less generous people try and make up for their personality with charitable donations. Are you the same type? (And/or an actual generous person?)
Do you get along with your coworkers?
No matter how good a job looks on paper, there are always hidden aspects that make it better or worse than it seems. Generally speaking, the biggest factor in this regard is the other people working at your place of business, and whether they’re nice normal folks or horrible beasts always out to get you. Depending on your own personality type, either one of those could be a challenge to deal with, and the Seinfeld crew would probably agree. Are you the same way, or do you actually like the people you work with?
How's your dating life?
Being basically attractive people on network television, the cast of Seinfeld was consistently able to find romantic partners willing to put up with their eccentricities. It doesn’t hurt that New York City has millions of single people willing to give anyone with a heartbeat a go. Well, it didn’t hurt their chances that is, as from an emotional standpoint, this issue definitely caused Jerry and his friends a lot of trouble. Not that they ever seemed to mind for longer than an episode, though, always ready to move on to the next person without much second thought.
What sort of movies do you watch?
Seinfeld didn’t become the most successful show on television by living in a bubble (unlike the poor sick kid who gets into an argument with George about moops). The writers and creators, as well as the characters, were incredibly well versed in pop culture past, making plenty of references to old classics while creating brilliant new jokes of their own. This is only possible if they watched all those old classics themselves, becoming big fans and wanting to spread their legacies to new generations.
What’s your biggest flaw as a person?
Popular and beloved as they are, the people of Seinfeld were heavily flawed to say the least. There’s a reason Jerry only has three close friends, one of whom probably doesn’t pay any mind to personality in the first place. Despite his mother firmly believing absolutely everyone on the planet would like him, Jerry is fastidious enough it could easily get on people’s nerves. Worse than simply persnickety, George is a ticking time bomb, Elaine has too much energy for her own good, and Kramer is, well, Kramer. Do you have a similar flaw?
Do you like to read?
Spending most of their time cracking jokes and coming up with hilarious schemes, the cast of Seinfeld rarely had all that much time for sitting down and reading. In most cases, this trend would have to change if any of them were to join a book club, yet George Costanza being the one to do so, he naturally finds some way out of having to do actual work. Luckily, the book he had to read has since been made into a classic film, making it much easier for him to participate in the chat…except for the fact the director took some serious liberties with the source material.
Could you win a “contest?”
Almost certainly the most infamous half hour Seinfeld ever produced revolved around George’s mother catching him in a certain solo act of self-gratification, an experience that would embarrass pretty much everyone alive. It’s all that much worse for George as a man in his 30s, yet as his friends soon reveal, they have just as much trouble remaining master of their domain. Without ever saying exactly what it was they were competing over, the crew held a contest to see who could last the longest without satisfying themselves. Could you win such an event?
What’s the best comeback to being told you ate too much shrimp?
As a comedian, Jerry Seinfeld is literally a professional at putting down people who dare insult him. Unfortunately for George, he’s no so quick with the words, and when a business partner notices he’s eating an unusually large amount of shrimp at a board meeting and claims “the ocean called” because it was running out, it absolutely tears him up inside. Trying his darndest, George eventually does develop an apt comeback, only to be outclassed by each of his friends in their offhand suggestions. Which insult would you have gone with?
Would you be able to order from the Soup Nazi?
Outside of the main characters, probably the most iconic role to originate on Seinfeld was a villain of epic proportions, preventing everyday residents of New York City from eating his incredibly delicious food. Dubbed the Soup Nazi, the man named Yev Kassem would furiously refuse service to any patron failing to adhere to his bizarrely strict rules, a process that terrifies Jerry and his friends. It’s with good reason they’re afraid, too, as both George and Elaine suffer his wrath, hearing that horrible cry, “no soup for you!”
Could your neighbors trust you with their keys?
In the longest story arc Seinfeld ever developed, the show about nothing was thrown into chaos all because of an almost universal practice: giving a neighbor a copy of your spare keys. Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer apparently had long held an elaborate system of sharing one another’s extra spares, which all came crashing down when Jerry finally got fed up with Kramer eating all his food. The domino effect had begun, and soon, giving one another keys to their apartments nearly landed Kramer in jail for murder. Does this sound familiar?
Have you ever broken the law?
When Seinfeld came to a close, the four characters America came to love despite their many faults were sentenced to a relatively lengthy prison term for mocking and insulting a man getting robbed rather than do anything to help him. Called the “Good Samaritan law,” if any mainstream TV personalities were guilty of breaking it, Jerry and the gang were the ones, never having done anything to actually help their fellow man with genuine intentions. That said, is this really breaking the law? We’re not sure. Either way, have you ever been to jail yourself?
Are you wealthy?
Living in Manhattan isn’t anywhere near what people could describe as “cheap.” Only the extremely wealthy can survive in apartments the size of Jerry’s, and even smaller Queens townhouses like the one owned by Frank and Estelle was either expensive to upkeep or it was attained through a stroke of luck for the ornery residents. That’s not even taking into consideration Jerry and company’s lifestyles, as they really don’t put all that much thought into working long hours, meaning a serious bank roll must have been behind his actions.
Are you an emotional person?
For whatever reason, many people seem to hold a misconception about comedians as bitter, angry people. Granted, this is definitely true for some comics, especially those who aren’t particularly successful. However, Jerry Seinfeld is the exact opposite, remaining brightly optimistic even when the world falls apart around him. Well, maybe optimistic isn’t the word, as it’s more that Jerry is always content with his surroundings no matter how tumultuous they are. His friends are a little bit different, though, so where do you fall on the spectrum?
Which quirky personality trait would bother you the most?
In addition to all the laughs, Seinfeld will go down in history for having created more pop culture idioms than any other program. All they had to do was introduce a new character with a strange quirk, have that trait confuse the hell out of Jerry or one of his friends, and yadda yadda yadda, a catchphrase was born. In the real world, few of the eccentric types invented by Seinfeld would survive before someone set them straight, but assuming they actually existed, who would bother you the most?