Are These Scary Baby Fails Real Or Fake?
- by Tim Frederick
- – on
- in Lifestyle
Some people simply aren't meant to be parents or to otherwise look after infants and this collection of horrifying baby fails is proof of that. From silly, accidental fails to horrifying intentional ones, and everything in between, the stories in this quiz show the failings of humanity and sometimes ended with tragic results for the innocent young lives involved.
Sadly, you don't need any kind of certification to become a parent; all it takes is a romp under the sheets and nine months later, two completely unfit people could be responsible for looking after another human life. For some, the experience of having a child can change them for the better, and they rise to the challenge of maturing and being responsible for their child. For others, a child is an inconvenience which they put a bare minimum of effort into caring for, or which they're simply not capable of caring for properly.
We do want to warn our intrepid quiz goers that some of these stories may be distressing to read. They may even make you want to punch something. Just don't punch your baby, we don't want you ending up in our next quiz of baby fails.
If you're prepared to see both the dark and silly side of humanity and to discern between the real and fake tales of epic baby fails, then read on and good luck!
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
In an attempt to have the youngest child ever to go over the Niagara Falls, Ronald and Marie Mitchell strapped their 2-month-old baby into a barrel and sent it over the Falls to crash dozens of feet below. The baby died. Guinness Book of World Records was on hand to chronicle the achievement, as well as the subsequent arrests. The parents said they were proud of their accomplishment and know that their dead child will be famous forever. It's expected they'll be raped behind bars; repeatedly. A younger baby beat the record a week later. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A woman became the ridicule of the internet when she announced that she would divorce her husband and marry her baby girl instead, claiming the baby girl self-identified as a 23-year-old man. The ceremony took place on August 26, 2016 in Tokyo, with the baby girl's grunts and giggles being translated into 23-year-old male speech by master baby-to-adult-cross-gender translator Hitaro Mifune. They were divorced a year later when the baby began self-identifying as a male gay porno star; he currently ranks as the highest paid (and youngest) in the industry. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
After having a surrogate child together, two women got into a fight over which Pokemon was better and called off their relationship. Neither half-mother would take the fatherless child, nor allow the other to take it. They instead decided to split the baby down the middle and donate its parts to science. The operation was conducted by Jack Kavorkian just before his death in 2011; the two halves of the baby are now on display at the Smithsonian and the Art Institute of Chicago. The half-mothers later agreed that Zapdos was the best Pokemon and got back together. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Next up is the horrifying moment when pop star Michael Jackson briefly held his squirming baby over a Berlin balcony with just one arm wrapped around it, in what was seemingly a failed attempt to connect with some of his fans that were huddled below. Some of the fans cheered, while others were horrified and began screaming. Jackson later called the moment "a terrible mistake" and insisted that he would never willingly endanger the lives of his children. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Next up is the shocking story of a Baby Fight Club that was taking place in Vietnam. Babies were being strapped into suits connected to sturdy wires that could then be controlled by an operator, similar to puppets. The puppet-babies were then forced to batter each other with flailing limbs until one of them was rendered unconscious, with only one baby having never been defeated. The battles would sometimes include as many as ten babies at once in giant melees. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
In his attempt to become No One and elevate himself to the rank of assassin within his Game of Thrones Brotherhood group, a young man killed his baby to prove that he had cast aside the emotions of his former self. His group members immediately called him things like "psycho" and "we were just roleplaying you retard". They immediately kicked him out of their group (unless he's willing to pay $500 to get back in, in which case they'll consider it). Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A tech-savvy couple who work for Google in California thought it would be a good idea to have a chip implanted in their daughter's hand, which would allow them to more easily monitor her vitals and even tell when she needed to be fed. The plan failed big time when the chip went on the fritz and started feeding them incorrect information. Believing their daughter had developed MS, they took her to the hospital, only to find she was perfectly fine. They've since had the chip removed. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A Portland mother earned the internet's ire when an image of her breastfeeding a baby whilst simultaneously smoking a bong went viral. Some Facebook users took the opportunity to share their own sordid tales of getting stoned while feeding or carrying their babies; others called them f--king morons and trailer park rejects. It's not even clear if the mother was taking hits from the bong or if the whole thing was just a joke. The mother deleted her Facebook account over the publicity. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Claiming they had yet to have intercourse, a Nevada couple claimed they were about to give birth to an alien, which must have impregnated the mother after abducting her. They sold 20,000 tickets to the birthing of the alien, which was held at T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas. The mother got on stage, and gave birth to...a little black baby. Turns out she had actually just had a fling with a black dude. The father, who had put together the event, was sued by 20,000 people, while the mother took her half of the sales and moved to Mexico with the black guy. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A father in California was charged with reckless endangerment after thinking his baby boy would enjoy a wild ride down a steep hill in his stroller. The man purposefully let the stroller loose, jogging beside it and filming the action with his smartphone as it rumbled down the sidewalk. However, he stumbled over a planter and couldn't keep up with the stroller, which then veered sideways and crashed into a storefront. Luckily the baby only suffered some minor cuts. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
This next horrid fail comes from Ireland, where twin girls both suffered alcohol poisoning after their mother accidentally gave them Baileys, thinking it was their formula. The mother insisted that she had no idea how the Baileys got into their bottles in the fridge. She believed it may have happened two days earlier during a party held at her place, either as a prank, or due to running out of glasses, which may have prompted someone to fill up the empty baby bottles instead, with the intent of drinking from them. The girls survived the episode. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
The fail of a restrictive diet imposed on their 7-month-old child by a couple of hipster parents in Belgium lead to his death from malnourishment this year. The parents, who own an alternative health food store, believed the child was gluten and lactose intolerant, though they never sought medical advice to confirm it. In response they fed him a bunch of alternative milk products such as quinoa, oat, rice, and semolina. The child weighed just 9 pounds at the time of his death, about half the weight of an average child his age. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Last year, a famous YouTuber caused a firestorm of controversy when he posted a video showing his baby girl eating food out of a dog bowl while dressed in a dog suit. After thousands of people decried the video as being demeaning to the young girl, the man responded with an angry tirade about how SJW feminists are ruining the world. He insisted that the video was innocent and cute and that his daughter would laugh about it when she was older. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
In an attempt to preemptively attack their baby girl's potential future cigarette addiction, a Canadian couple forced their baby to smoke several cigarettes in 2014. They believed that the child would be traumatized for life from the ordeal and that she would develop an innate intolerance to cigarette smoking that would ensure she would never develop the habit. The girl became ill from the ordeal and was admitted to hospital, but otherwise recovered. Time will tell if she ever becomes a smoker. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A mother in Edmonton was recently charged with second-degree murder after her 11-day-old daughter suffered a fatal meth overdose. Police aren't sure how the baby ingested the meth, but ruled out that it was accidentally ingested through breastfeeding or during the pregnancy, as the quantities in her blood were too high. Police found drugs and pipes in the home, and the mother is an admitted former meth user, though she claims to have been clean for nine months. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Leaving a foul-mouthed parrot around a baby may not be the best idea, as parents in Italy discovered to their dismay (and our humor). The bird had been passed on to them after the death of the baby's paternal grandmother in 2007, a woman who apparently had a rather filthy mouth, as the parrot's vocabulary mostly consisted of four-letter words. After hearing those words so often, the baby stunned its parents when its first word was a certain four-letter one beginning with "F"...you know the one. Before long, the baby was combining foul words into expletive-laden utterances. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
This story comes to us from India, where a father wanted to take his baby boy for a ride on his motorcycle. Not having a helmet for the infant to wear, he decided to strap a small saucepan around his head instead. Thankfully, nothing tragic occurred and the saucepan helmet's effectiveness was never tested. The father was fined for his fail however and certainly came out of it looking like a bit of a buffoon. He has since bought his boy a real helmet. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Here's another sad baby fail out of England, where a father's attempt to train his young son for future football glory nearly ended with his death. With his baby helplessly strapped into a high chair, the father lobbed footballs at his head, with the goal of training his vision and making him fearless when it came to making headers. While the father was careful to lob the balls gently, the child nonetheless suffered an intracerebral hemorrhage and had a seizure. He was taken to the hospital and enjoyed a full recovery. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A man in Algeria posted a horrifying photo to Facebook of him holding his young cousin out of a 15-story window by the back of his shirt. Included was the caption "1,000 likes or I will drop him". After the man was charged, he claimed the actual image was doctored by other Facebook users and that there was actually a protective barrier there so that the child's life was not in any danger. However, that story was a fail in and of itself and the courts didn't buy it. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
An argument between neighbors in China escalated out of control when one of the men involved grabbed the other's one-year-old child and hurled it into the air to slam to the ground. After complaining about his water heater being pelted by stones by his neighbor's nine-year-old, the man was allegedly assaulted by several people attending his neighbor's birthday party, which prompted him to flee. He grabbed the infant and tossed it into the air during his escape, believing it would act as a diversionary tactic to aid his retreat. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Painting the faces of babies can be rather adorable, but doing so with the wrong kind of paint can lead to a horrifying fail. A father in Missouri found that out the hard way in 2012, when he slathered a green, oil-based paint all over his child's body in an attempt to make him look like the Hulk. Within minutes, the child's organs began failing from an excess of heavy metals being absorbed by his skin. He died a few hours later. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
This far-too-ironic story comes out of South Korea, where a couple's three-month-old baby starved to death while her parents were busy raising a virtual child in the online role-playing game Prius Online. The parents reportedly lost their will to live after their child was born premature and with neither of them able to find a job. Rather than attempt to improve their situation, they chose to fail at life and abandon reality, spending their days at internet cafes playing online games for up to 12 hours a day, with their child being the one to suffer the tragic consequences. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Surely a caretaker wouldn't fail so badly as to leave a baby alone in the care of three pitbulls would they? That's the horrifying story that came out of Michigan earlier this year, where a three-month-old girl was attacked after she was left alone with the family's three pitbulls for about five minutes. One of the dogs viciously assaulted her during that time, leaving a severe wound on the girl's head. She was rushed to hospital to undergo surgery. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Every parent knows not to leave their child in a car on a hot day, which makes it inconceivable that the CEO of a hospital could commit such a fail. Yet that's exactly what happened in Iowa in 2000, when the CEO of the Dallas County Hospital forgot to drop her 7-month-old child off with the babysitter and unknowingly left her in a minivan while she went to attend meetings. She discovered the child's body later that day when picking up her other child. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A mother in Tennessee was so obsessed with her baby's health that she fed it as many as 50 vitamins a day, mashing them up and putting them into the baby's formula. She believed that there was no risk from excessive vitamin consumption, having been told that any excess vitamins and minerals would be excreted in her baby's waste. Needless to say, she was rightfully horrified when her baby developed scurvy, being told by her doctor that excessive iron was the culprit. She halted the vitamin barrage and the baby eventually recovered. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
Believing their baby was possessed by a demon, parents in Utah held an exorcism of unprecedented scale. Over 100 members of the Mapleton community took turns submerging the baby in holy water in an attempt to drive out the demon. After the baby nearly drowned in the water, requiring resuscitation, they put a halt to the exorcism, declaring that it had been a success and that the child was no longer possessed. Their story prompted a brief surge in exorcisms throughout Utah in late-2009 and early-2010. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
This tragic fail comes from Texas, where a babysitter didn't properly strap one of her 10 charges into his car seat ahead of his nap (which apparently took place inside of a walk-in wardrobe). The nine-month-old boy ended up sliding down in the car seat due to not being properly secured at the bottom, which resulted in him suffocating on the straps and dying in his sleep. It's not suspected that the incident was anything but an accident, though authorities are investigating. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
We head to Pennsylvania next, where a 17-year-old girl had apparently had enough of being a mother. Her baby girl was discovered outside the home wrapped in a plastic bag, presumably to be tossed into the garbage. Neighbors heard the child's cries, came over to investigate, and saw her feet sticking out of the bag. They promptly retrieved the child and cared for it until the authorities arrived. The child was taken to hospital and is in stable condition. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A cosplaying woman in France learned the hard way that stuffing a baby into a stuffy costume can have traumatic effects. The woman, who was dressed up as a character named Lulu from the hit video game Final Fantasy X, put her baby in a moogle doll costume, to carry around as her "weapon" (that character used dolls to attack enemies). If it was only after some time that she realized her baby wasn't moving and had passed out inside the hot costume, suffering heatstroke. The baby recovered after "Lulu" cast "Water" on it (OK, that part was made up). Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
This horrifying fail occurred in Minnesota, where a 24-year-old man left his 11-month-old nephew alone for two hours while he went out to buy meth. A fire started in the home during that time and the child died in his crib, with soot in his throat and lungs. After returning home only to see firefighters surrounding the place, the uncle stole an SUV, which he later crashed. The uncle was already known to police, having been previously charged with multiple crimes, including assault and drug possession. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
In an attempt to have their child become the first in the world to undergo gene editing, a Florida couple underwent an illegal and highly dangerous procedure in Cuba, as they attempted to build the child of their dreams. Among their wishes were for the baby boy to have blue eyes and blond hair, to be over 6 feet tall, and to be good at basketball, which both parents played in high school. The procedure was a failure, and it's feared the child, which is due in two months, will now be born with several defects. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A family in India was planning to kill a baby by drowning it in a river after it was born with a parasitic twin, resulting in it having two extra legs wrapped around its waist and an extra hand and penis. The horrifying fail was averted when word reached a local surgeon, who offered to remove the extra limbs for free. The operation was successful and the baby is recovering. No word on if the family will get to keep the child they planned to murder. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
This horrifying story comes out of England, where a mother boarded a bus with here already-dead baby strapped to her chest, with the intent of pretending that the baby had just died during the ride to try and take any suspicion related to its death off of the parents. The child had actually died hours earlier from a fractured skull and it's suspected it was seriously abused as many as three times in the nine days leading up to its death. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
A Russian daredevil known for snapping images of himself in precarious situations went too far when he involved his baby girl in two of his stunts. The man held his baby out his BMW's window with one arm while accelerating the car to high speeds in one video, while a separate image showed him standing on the corner of a snowy multi-story building's roof, holding his girl upside down by one leg over the edge. His actions have provoked fury online. Real or fake?
Is This Horrific Baby Fail Real or Fake?
This disturbing story happened in Connecticut, where a mother filmed the tormenting of her baby and sent the videos to the father. Among the woman's vile actions were throwing food at her baby, violently shaking its crib until it fell out, screaming at it, and kicking a gate onto it. The mother had also sent several disgusting text messages to the father, claiming that she enjoyed abusing the baby and that she would beat her face in. Real or fake?